“You too.”
A second friendly smile from him and he walked away, his mind already on that evening and being with Blake.
Chapter Twenty
Wiped out didn’tbegin to describe Blake’s mind and body when he opened the door to Jeremy’s apartment. It was close to eleven, and all he wanted was a hot shower and bed. Instead, he saw two men standing by massage tables set up in the living room and Jeremy waiting with a relieved expression on his face.
“I was beginning to worry that you might’ve gone back to your place.”
“Uh. No. But what’s all this?” He set his soft leather briefcase down and took off his coat, scarf, and gloves and hung them up in the closet next to the front door.
A tiny yet hopeful smile lifted Jeremy’s lips, surprising Blake. Jeremy was the least hesitant person he knew, yet watching him worry his bottom lip, that fun-loving, natural exuberance was nowhere to be found.
“I know how hard they’re making you work at your firm, so I came up with a surprise. I booked Mikey and his best guy Victor to give us massages.”
Guilt slammed into Blake. Why couldn’t he admit to Jeremy he’d been fired? At some point, it happened to almost everyone. He should be man enough to tell him and move on.
Man up, Blake.
“I’ll be right back.” He grimaced at the three men. “It was a long train ride.”
Ignoring the quizzical twist of Jeremy’s brows, Blake rushed to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Heart pounding, he braced his hands on the sink, but running away didn’t stop the voices echoing in his head. Man up. Be a man. Because what he liked—reading, playing with the animals he fed in the backyard—that wasn’t manly enough. His father told him every day how he should be out on the ball field practicing his hitting and throwing, even though Blake had told his father innumerable times he wasn’t interested in playing sports. Nor did he want to go with him to the shooting range to practice with the gun he’d been given for his sixteenth birthday. A gun Blake refused to touch. Disgusted, his father gave up on him and retreated behind a wall of silence Blake never bothered to try and penetrate.
At graduation, drunk on too much tequila, he confessed to Michelle he was gay. He’d known since he was ten, but at eighteen he refused to deny it any longer. Blake never thought he’d have to hide who he was from his own family, but he was so wrong as to be laughable. As expected, Michelle was loving and supportive. His father hadn’t spoken to him since. Guess denying his gay son was the only way he could save face.
A few splashes of water and Blake felt ready to face Jeremy. Failing at his job didn’t define him. Did it? His lips tightened, and he wiped the water from his eyes. He didn’t want it to, yet he couldn’t stem that gnawing sense of fulfilling the destiny of his father’s taunting words. That no matter what he did, he’d always be a failure.
A knock sounded on the door. “Babe? You okay?”
His heart squeezed. Out there waited the nicest guy he’d ever met. A man he loved who loved him back. Coming home to find this sweet surprise made him more determined to tell Jeremy the truth. He missed sex with Jeremy. It wasn’t the punishing work pace killing their sex life, it was him and the shaky house of lies he’d constructed.
The door opened, and Jeremy’s worried face appeared. “What? Are you upset I surprised you with the massages? I can send them away if you want. I just thought it would be something nice to do together, especially since we don’t see each other as much now.”
He couldn’t do this to Jeremy anymore. It was wrong to let this wonderful, kind man feel guilty for Blake’s issues and lies. Tonight he’d tell Jeremy, and they’d work out a solution together.
“No, it’s good.” He forced a smile. “It’s been a long day, and this is the nicest surprise anyone has ever done for me.”
Jeremy beamed, and Blake kissed him hard, willing himself to respond, to feel the wondrous fever rushing through his blood whenever Jeremy touched him. And though Jeremy kissed him back with equal passion, Blake remained frustrated and, worst of all, unresponsive to his touch.
“Wow. Save that for later, babe. That’s something Mikey and Victor don’t need to see.” Jeremy caressed his back, and his hands drifted downward, sweeping across Blake’s stomach, coming dangerously close to Blake’s groin. Fearful Jeremy would want to touch him, Blake batted his hand away and gave a nervous laugh.
“Let me get out of the suit, and I’ll meet you in the living room in a few minutes.” Without waiting for a response, he hurried to the bedroom and stripped naked, glancing in disgust at his soft dick.
Pathetic.Blake could almost hear his father’s voice, taunting him from beyond the grave. This time he’d have to agree.
“Blake.”
He heard the slightly impatient tone of Jeremy’s voice and gave himself a mental slap. Dressing quickly, Blake repeated in his head:You’re tired, that’s all.The massage should help destress him, and by the end of the night, he should be back to normal.
“Sorry I took so long.” He rejoined the three men in the living room to see Jeremy already laid out on the table, naked, except for a towel around his waist.
“No worries. Take off everything, and I’ll put a towel over you.” Victor, the blond masseur, gave him a good vibe, and Blake’s heart settled down. He slipped off his T-shirt, and though he knew his face was red, tried to act nonchalantly as he stepped out of his briefs and shorts.
“Great. You can lie down and we can start.”
“Sure.”
Blake took off his glasses and stretched out, facing Jeremy, who opened his eyes, a blissful smile on his face. “This is the best. These guys have magic hands. Ahhh.” He groaned as Mikey kneaded his back.
