He hadn’t been without a job since college, and now he didn’t know what to do with himself. The whispered memories of his father telling him this was expected, that he’d always be a failure, chattered nonstop in his head. The decision not to tell even his sister he’d been fired meant he couldn’t talk to her during the day either. Everyone he knew understood: when tax season rolled around, Blake was unreachable. That bought him some freedom from questions for the moment but made him incredibly lonely. The days which normally passed by in a frenzy now dragged interminably.
The papers Ruth gave him sat at the corner of the table, and for the tenth time that morning he picked them up and set them back down. Maybe he should try it. At least it would give him a place to go, and he could stop lying to Jeremy. Well, he’d still be lying but not completely.
Without giving himself a chance to chicken out, he picked up the phone and called Ruth back. Her secretary put him right through.
“Blake. Nice to hear from you. Have you found a job?”
“Um, no. That’s why I’m calling.”
“Ah. Well, as I said last month, I don’t—”
“I know.” The last thing he wanted to hear again was how there wasn’t anything out there. He knew. He’d spent the last month attempting to disprove her and ran up against a cement wall. “I’d like you to set up some interviews with the places you mentioned.”
A heavy sigh reverberated in his ear. “I’m afraid those jobs are no longer available.”
Panic swelled inside him, and Blake broke out in a cold sweat. “What? But you gave me at least six positions. I can’t believe they’ve all been filled in a month.”
“Blake,” she chided. “You know what it’s like out there.”
Unfortunately he did, now. Before he’d been fired, he’d never given a thought to the job market, unless it was to comment on the new crop of recruits the firm hired every year.
“But don’t worry. I have several more places looking to hire. If you want, I’ll make the calls and set the interviews up for you.”
Her brisk efficiency cheered him. “Okay. Thanks.”
“Good. You’re making the right decision. Nothing is preventing you from continuing to search for a better position while you’re working.”
True. He hadn’t thought of that. “Okay, you’re right. Please let me know.”
“I expect to have something lined up immediately. Tax season is in full swing, and these places are desperate for help.”
He winced, knowing he’d be nothing more than a paper pusher, filling out 1040EZ forms or the simplest kind of returns. “Good thing, because I’m available immediately.” Everyone had the right to high-quality tax preparation, and Blake vowed to give his best.
“Good. Keep the phone near. We’ll be in touch.”
She clicked off. Well, he’d done it. Hopefully by the time tax season was over and things settled down, he’d have a new position and could tell everyone he’d made a move. His phone buzzed with a text, and with a stab in his heart, he read about the meeting Jeremy had. How much would Jeremy want to be with him if he knew Blake was on the downswing?
Irritated with himself, he tossed the phone aside. Their relationship wasn’t about money and standing. From being with Jeremy, Blake discovered that beneath the perfect smile and face was a man who cared about others deeply, who was a protector and took on others’ pain as his own. It was why Blake fell so hard for him. But now he was failing in the bedroom as well. With no job and if they couldn’t have sex, what would he have to give to this relationship?
Their physical relationship had always been fantastic. Jeremy brought out a side to him Blake hadn’t had the nerve to admit to anyone. Having sex in semi-public places turned him on. But how long could a man like Jeremy remain understanding? Blake rubbed his face and pushed back from the table, angry at himself for falling prey to the nerves constantly bombarding him. He refused to let his past dictate his present. He’d get a job, and none of it would matter.
The phone rang, and his heart tripped. If it was Jeremy, he’d ignore it. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk, but when he glanced at the screen he saw it was Ruth calling him back.
“Hi, Ruth. I didn’t expect to hear from you so quickly.”
“I have something for you,” she stated, brisk as ever. “It’s in Long Island. Are you okay with that?”
His heart sank, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. “I’m fine with it. No problem at all.” He hoped his voice sounded more convincing than he felt.
“Good. Here’s the contact information. They’re expecting your call.”
Blake scribbled down names and numbers as she spoke. “Thank you.”
“I’m happy you decided to take my advice.”
Unsure whether he agreed with her or not, Blake made sure to express his gratitude. “I know, and I can’t thank you enough for all the hard work you put into my job search.” Good thing he wasn’t on video conferencing as his eye rolls would give him away. He knew she’d done nothing more than plug his name into their system, but Blake hoped she’d remember him as someone who worked hard.
“I do my best for all my clients. Let me know how it’s working out.”
