Hearing those words, Jeremy’s misgivings fled, and he dug into his food to finish faster. They hadn’t been together all that long, and so it was bound to take some time to learn Blake’s signals. When January began, Blake had warned him about tax season and that the demands of the job would take precedence over everything else these months. Seeing the shadows under Blake’s eyes and the way he stared out into space as they ate, Jeremy vowed to take care of him. Stress was a killer, and as a good boyfriend, it was Jeremy’s duty to take Blake’s mind off his problems.
Chapter Fourteen
Operation Find Blakea New Job was one month old and going nowhere. Every day it became more and more difficult for him to keep his secret. He wanted to tell Jeremy but held back, especially when Jeremy spoke to his mother on the phone, bragging about him, telling her how his company gave him such difficult clients which he handled with ease. He didn’t want to be that failure his father predicted.
Shame coursed through him; for the first time since they were together, last night he couldn’t get hard during sex. No matter what Jeremy did with his lips and fingers, things that previously got Blake off in minutes, his dick remained as lifeless as his job prospects. Blake couldn’t get rid of the feeling he wasn’t good enough and that Jeremy could do so much better than him, and rebuffed all of Jeremy’s attempts to comfort him.
Now, in the brightness of the overhead light in the bathroom, Blake knotted his tie and set his jaw in a hard line. He’d gotten up even earlier than the day before and scoured the new jobs posted online and even some of the ones he’d seen over the past several weeks, checking to see if their qualifications had changed. A depressingly scant number of positions meeting his level of experience were listed. At this stage in his career, positions weren’t normally advertised; the firms came to you and tried to woo you away with perks.
Refusing to let that derail him, Blake drank his second cup of coffee and reviewed his résumé before hitting Send on the four positions he’d picked out. At least he had his severance, which could make the next month and a half bearable while he looked. Dealing with unemployment would be horrible. He shuddered and clasped his shaking hands together.
Panic circled his heart, and his chest squeezed tightly, making it hard for him to breathe. What if he didn’t find anything? He’d have to give up his apartment. And Jeremy…what would he tell him? Right now Blake could fake it, but if he didn’t find something soon, Jeremy would get suspicious. The man was so smart, and Blake wasn’t a good liar. And dammit—he fisted his hands—he didn’t want to lie to Jeremy, but what could he do? How could he tell Jeremy he’d already been lying to him for a month? There was nothing right about what he was doing, but he had no idea how to extract himself from the situation.
He went into the kitchen to rinse out his cup, then peeked into the bedroom. Jeremy lay sprawled out on his back, his naked body on glorious display. Blake couldn’t help but stare at all of Jeremy’s chiseled dips and curves, his heavily erect cock resting against his flat stomach. Every day they spent together, Jeremy woke up hungry for sex, and Blake had never felt so loved and wanted. He was unlike any other man Blake had ever known—a man totally dedicated to giving pleasure. Givinghimpleasure. Because Blake knew from Jeremy’s touch and whispers that it was him Jeremy wanted, and no one else.
Standing in the doorway, Blake wondered how long he’d be sharing these mornings with Jeremy, especially after last night. Mortified over his failure to perform, he’d refused to talk, pushing Jeremy away to stare at the blank wall opposite the bed. Sleep eluded him most of the night, the guilt over his failure—both at his job and then with Jeremy—gnawing at his insides.
He walked over to the bed and bent over, giving Jeremy a kiss. He’d intended to be swift and sweet, but as always when his lips touched Jeremy’s, it was as if another person inhabited his body, and he shed his skin, becoming a slave to his desire for the man.
“Why are you dressed and I’m naked?”
Looking like a mischievous kid with his hair tousled and eyes soft with sleep, Jeremy reached up and dragged him back down by his tie to take his mouth again. This kiss wasn’t as tender, and Blake moaned, his body yielding to the skillful play of Jeremy’s tongue and lips. Jeremy cupped his face between his hands and nuzzled their cheeks together.
“I don’t like waking up without you next to me. Makes me cranky.” His tongue traced the seam of Blake’s lips, and he opened his mouth, hungry to suck Jeremy’s tongue. Jeremy sat up and wrapped his arms around Blake, holding him tight. He loved when Jeremy did that.
“I can’t help it. I have to get to work,” he panted out in between kisses and nibbles of Jeremy’s lips and jawline. “I don’t like it either. But I can make it up to you.”
A hungry glint lit Jeremy’s blue eyes. “Yeah? Tell me.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed, took Blake’s hand, and placed it on his cock, which jumped under Blake’s grasp. “Better yet, show me.”
Giving in to Jeremy’s demand, Blake knelt and eagerly took Jeremy into his mouth, thrilling at the taste of his salty precome bursting over his tongue. He breathed deeply, inhaling the warm scent of his skin.
“Damn, you’re amazing. Don’t stop.”
The sight of Jeremy’s face, slack with pleasure, spurred him on, and Blake sucked him down. Nothing made him feel more alive than having his mouth filled with Jeremy’s beautiful cock. Barely able to breathe, Blake sucked strongly like he knew Jeremy loved. Likeheloved. He swallowed and drew in a gulp of air, then tightened his lips, and took Jeremy deep to the back of his throat.
“Oh fuck yeah,” Jeremy managed to say, his hands twisting the sheets into knots, and Blake reveled in the sight of the man helpless and writhing under him. Moments like this, he existed purely to give Jeremy pleasure. Blake continued to make love to Jeremy’s cock, licking and sucking at the smooth head, lapping up the precome, then tonguing down the hot, smooth length of his thick shaft. Blake breathed deep, and Jeremy threaded his fingers through Blake’s hair, petting his head.
Damn, what this man did to him. Jeremy made him feel things he didn’t think possible, things he longed for and had almost given up on. Previous boyfriends had him going through the motions; he’d enjoyed sex, but it wasn’t anything special. With Jeremy it was about the heart. He wanted to please him, make him feel. Blake wanted to give him everything.
“Ohhh, God, yeah.” Jeremy’s moans echoed in the still room.
Once again he took Jeremy deep, and Jeremy began to thrust, tangling his hands in Blake’s hair, holding him still so he could fuck his face.
“Fuck it, suck me. God, that fucking tongue of yours is a lethal weapon.” Blake loved every dirty word spilling out of Jeremy’s mouth, and he grasped Jeremy’s hips, digging his fingers into the taut, sweat-slicked skin. “Oh fuck, oh fuck.”
Blake knew the moment before Jeremy would come; his fingers yanked Blake’s hair and Blake gasped, not in pain, but at the intensity of the desire shooting through him. Knowing he brought this man pleasure gave Blake strength, and he swallowed down every bit of Jeremy’s come, licking and tonguing the crown, making sure not a creamy drop was left.
“Goddamn, babe. That was fucking hot.” Dreamy-eyed, Jeremy fell back onto the bed with a smile. “Seeing you in that suit and on your knees between my legs was like a porn fantasy come to life.”
After wiping his mouth with the heel of his hand, Blake stood up, brushed off his suit, and straightened his tie. “Glad I could make your fantasy come true.” He forced a smile. “Gotta go to work. See you later.” Blake leaned over, gave him a kiss then hurried from the room to the bathroom to brush his teeth again.
If he’d hoped the morning would’ve chased away the demons from last night, Blake was sadly mistaken. Sucking Jeremy off, seeing him so blissed out and sated, didn’t get Blake hard. Usually the mere touch of Jeremy’s hand on him anywhere made him almost painfully erect, but, Blake wasn’t sure what was happening. Maybe it was that he’d stayed up worrying until almost dawn; he was probably overtired and stressed.
Deciding that was the cause and he’d go home after his appointment and take a nap, Blake grabbed his laptop and left the apartment. The sun shone brightly, the wind blew cool and refreshing, and Blake’s hopes soared. Trying to keep his mood positive, Blake rationalized—it was good to change jobs every now and then. The last thing you wanted to be was stagnant, and though he loved Cassandra, the work had gotten a bit repetitive. He was anxious for a change. If he said it often enough, maybe he’d believe it.
Two hours later, he left the headhunter, still unsure what had happened. Blake turned into the nearest Starbucks on Third and 49th, ordered a coffee, and found a seat in the back of the crowded shop. He stared unseeing out the window. The meeting had started off well: he’d touted his accomplishments, and his confidence rose about the direction the interview was heading. He’d fully expected to have several interviews lined up.
“Blake, it’s not looking good, I’m afraid. The market is very tight right now. No one is leaving a senior-level position, which is what you’re ultimately after.” Ruth Wescott, in her black suit, crisp white shirt, and silvered short bob, looked every part the corporate, no-nonsense executive. Her smile, however, didn’t reach her eyes. She didn’t give one single shit about him.
