“You look like Mom.”
Tears glistened in Michelle’s eyes. “I miss her.”
“Me too. Every day.”
“But”—she gave him a shove—“you need to make it right with someone else.” She pulled him back into a hug. “He cares about you, and he’s hurt,” she whispered. “Talk to him.”
“I know,” he said, his face buried in her curls for a moment. “Would you mind if we went into the living room?”
She shook her head, and Blake gave her shoulder a final squeeze before letting go.
“Jer? Can we talk?”
Jeremy shrugged. “Sure.”
They left the kitchen, and Jeremy followed him into the depths of the house, skirting around Henry’s knapsack and sneakers piled by the stairs. A dim light glowed from the small lamp Michelle left on near the doorway to the cozy den.
“Sit with me? Please.” He pointed to the well-worn leather sofa underneath the bay window. When Henry was young and Blake would babysit, he’d often sit in this room, gazing out the window at the stars as he rocked his nephew to sleep.
Jeremy took a seat at the far corner of the sofa, leaving as much space between them as possible. Knowing how Jeremy loved cuddling together, Blake’s heart twisted. This man meant the world to him and after a deep breath, he worked up the courage to speak from his heart, risking everything.
“It hasn’t been easy for me to trust. Growing up was hard with a father who belittled my existence at every chance. It taught me to keep to myself. To hide what I was feeling. I tried to be strong when Michelle escaped and got married, but losing my mother was the last straw. As soon as I pulled myself together, I got away from him and never looked back. And if that makes me a horrible person for rarely seeing him while he was sick, then I am. I’ll own it. He crippled me for years, making me think I was worthless to the point of thinking I was better off dead.”
For all that Jeremy had remained silent while Blake poured out his heart, that got a reaction.
“Life is always the better choice, but I understand.” Finally Jeremy moved close and slid his hands up Blake’s thighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to force you to tell me things. You don’t have to go on. When the time is right…”
“It’ll never be right to talk about how much I hated myself. It took me years to get past it. Then along came you, and I fell so hard, I couldn’t see the ground coming up to hit me until I was a goner.” Blake grabbed Jeremy’s hands. “I’m so happy with you, it hurts to breathe sometimes. But I’m still learning how to do this.” Each calloused finger on Jeremy’s hand received a kiss from him before he continued. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”
The brightness of Jeremy’s smile lit up the room. “Me either. I feel stupid sometimes—like I shouldn’t be this happy. Then I think, fuck it. I can be stupid happy if I want.”
“Yeah.” Blake rested his head on Jeremy’s shoulder, the furious thump of his heart soothing the frenetic thoughts in Blake’s head. Thank God he hadn’t screwed this up like he had every other good thing in his life. “And I only want to be stupid and happy with you.” He took his first deep breath since he found out his father had died. “Are we good now?”
“Yeah.” Jeremy kissed the top of his head. “We are. Just don’t lie to me or keep things from me, please.”
“I promise. Never again.”
They sat in the semi-darkness for a while, Jeremy toying with his hair and Blake wishing the night would never end. Tomorrow he’d go back to work and pretend everything was fine. Because while Blake believed Jeremy cared for him, he lived every day on the edge of anticipation, always wondering when it would be taken away from him. He’d long ago given up on happy endings.
****
“I’m so sorryabout your dad, Blake.” Cassandra, his administrative assistant, greeted him with a hug. He liked few people at his firm and trusted even less, except for Cassandra. She was the only person he knew he could count on as his friend.
“Thanks. And thank you for the fruit basket. I appreciated someone from the firm showing they cared a bit.”
A line bisected her smooth brow. “No one else did anything? The partners, Scott? No one? I know Harvey’s away, or he’d have sent something.” A frown tugged the corners of her lips down. “They really are bastards, aren’t they?”
It was always a bit shocking to hear curse words flow from the elegant Cassandra, and he chuckled.
“They are, but it’s not like I expected anything different.”
“I don’t know why. You work your butt off, and yet all they want is more.” She walked to the coffeemaker behind him. “Want one?”
At his nod, she popped in a pod and in less than a minute, he smelled the comforting aroma of his favorite cinnamon brew. She came back to him and handed him the mug of steaming hot coffee.
“I guess they believe in business first, or only.” Stacks of files covered the surface of the desk, and his mail was sorted neatly. It would be a morning spent with his head buried in paperwork, catching up. “But it’s fine.” At her frown, he touched her arm. “Honestly.” He scooped up a handful of M&Ms and popped them in his mouth, one by one.
Her warm eyes searched his face, and she gave him a quick nod. “Okay. I get it. And maybe it’s better this way. Lose yourself in your work so you don’t think about it.”
