“I’m sorry.” Blake rolled over to face him. “I did warn you it was going to get nuts after the first of the year, and it’s only going to get worse as we get closer to April 15th. If it’s any comfort, I hate it too.”
It hurt him to see the uncertainty in Blake’s eyes after all this time, and he rushed to reassure him.
“I’m not complaining. I mean, of course I’d like to spend more time together, but I understand. And I’m proud of you. I tell everyone how you’re killing it at your firm.”
Blake frowned and sat up, and Jeremy noticed even after a night’s sleep, his eyes drooped with fatigue. He’d lost weight too, a result most likely of stress and not eating well.
“It’s not all about that. I do my work, and yeah, it’s cool to get the large accounts and see all that money. But I’ve met some of these CEOs and CFOs, and I’m not that impressed.”
“Well, rich or poor, it’s nice to have money.” Jeremy’s quip fell flat, and Blake lay back with a dispirited sigh and closed his eyes.
“What’s wrong, babe? Things really that rough at the office?” A quick glance at the digital clock by their bed read six a.m., and Jeremy grimaced. It would soon be time for both of them to get up and start the day, but he wished they had a little more time to be together.
“No.”
When he didn’t elaborate further, Jeremy nudged him with his foot. “And? What is it, then?”
His shoulders hunched, Blake turned away from him. “My father. Michelle texted me last night and said she got a call from the facility he’s in and that they’ve moved him to hospice. He’s dying.”
Since the day Blake had revealed his father’s hurtful behavior, they hadn’t discussed the man. Jeremy knew Blake had unresolved personal issues, yet at the time he didn’t feel he had the right to push.
“How do you feel about it? Do you want to go see him? If you do, I’ll back you up and come with you. Or if you don’t want me there, it’s okay too.” He touched Blake’s naked back and smoothed his hand down the sweep of his spine. “Whatever you decide.”
A small, painful sound escaped Blake’s lips. “I don’t know. I wish she’d never told me. I’d almost rather he’d have died without me knowing.” Blake rolled over to face him, and it hurt Jeremy’s heart to see the torment etched on Blake’s face. “That makes me a bad person, I know.”
“You could never be a bad person.” Jeremy soothed him by doing what he knew best. Holding him close and letting him feel their connection. It wasn’t always about sex. In their time together Jeremy had learned that however enjoyable the physical relationship was, it was the little things he loved about Blake: The way his eyes lit up when they met his across the room. His gentle heart and caring about others. It was damn scary, but being with Blake had opened his eyes to a part of himself he didn’t know existed. “You have every right to protect yourself from harm.”
“And yet I think I want to. If only to show him that I’m not what he said. And that the best man I can be didn’t mean having to be a marine or an athlete. I’m the best at being me, and it’s good enough.”
“It’s more than good enough. I’m so fucking proud of you for saying that because if you didn’t, I would have.” Jeremy kissed Blake’s soft hair and felt Blake’s tears wet his skin. “You think about it and decide.”
“Thanks.” Blake smiled up at him. “Maybe I’ll go. Being with you helps.”
Warmth bloomed through Jeremy. No one had ever said that to him, and it put him on top of the world. “You got me.”
Blake made a face, then groaned and fell back on the pillow. “I have to go to work. This new client’s records are a mess. Nothing’s adding up properly.”
“Oh yeah?” Jeremy bounced off the bed and stripped off his boxers. “The balance sheet doesn’t coincide?” He bent and touched his toes, then reached up to the ceiling for a full body stretch. “What about their receivables?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it out.” Blake stood and scratched his bare stomach.
A bit hurt, Jeremy became distracted by the movement of Blake’s hand. “I can help, you know.”
“I’d rather you help me wash my back.” Blake cocked a brow. “Interested?”
Jeremy forgot his bruised pride and followed Blake into the bathroom. He’d talk to him about it later.
****
Members filled HardCore, and it wasn’t until midmorning that Jeremy had the opportunity to sit down for the first time since he walked in that morning. He’d had two personal training sessions and then dealt with a new equipment rep who thought he could sweet-talk him into upgrading his entire stock of treadmills, even though he’d only had them a year and they worked fine. He was taking a long cold drink of water when his phone rang, and he smiled, seeing Noah’s number.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Nothing much. Checking in to see how you’re doing.”
Noah sounded subdued, Jeremy hurt for him and tried to downplay his personal life.
“Hanging in there. Working and spending some time with Blake.”
