Alive, alive.
“You’ll never be half a man. You’re all I ever wanted. And you were right. It’s a huge undertaking. I wanted to surprise you after the wedding. I know the money is ridiculous, but once we’re married it’ll all be our money and our house to raise our family.”
Sam stiffened. “You can’t mean that.”
Zach smiled against Sam’s throat at his incredulous tone of voice. This argument he was prepared for. “Mean what?” He traced the strong cords of Sam’s neck with his tongue.
“Stop that,” said Sam, but he chuckled deep in his chest and palmed Zach’s ass.
“You first.” The noose around Zach’s insides that had been slowly tightening since Sam’s attack finally loosened its stranglehold, and Zach could breathe easy once again.
“Your money is yours—”
“Ours, you mean,” Zach firmly corrected him, laughing at the delight of Sam, so warm and alive in his arms. He relished years of pleasurable arguments and making up. “Once we’re married, I’ve arranged for my personal accounts to be switched to joint accounts with you.”
“Zach, no.”
“Sam, yes. Marriage is all about sharing and becoming one. There’s no yours and mine. There’s only going to be ours.”
Sam shook with laughter. “What happened to that sweet, mild-mannered guy I met?”
“You happened. And you will always be my number one; every decision I make and plan that I have is for you, me…us.” They had yet to face the most important issue. “So when are we going to talk about you and your heart?”
The laughter ceased, and Sam stiffened, but Zach sat up and refused to allow Sam to wiggle out of an explanation.
“Don’t hold back from me. We’re about to start a life together. I don’t want it to begin with secrets and lies. Not any more.”
Fear and uncertainty flashed across Sam’s face. “The doctor put me on medication because I’d been having chest pains. I swear I thought it was heartburn at first. But then it started happening too often, so he took some tests and said I had angina. I tried to be good, but I guess I was a big fail.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Zach prodded him. “Why would you think keeping this from me was a good idea?”
“I was scared. Scared and worried, thinking I’d saddled you with an old man when you’re so young and healthy and—”
“Shut up.” Zach glared at Sam. “If you keep talking like that you may end up staying here longer ’cause I’m going to hurt you.”
The raw pain in Sam’s face shocked Zach; he had no clue Sam still struggled with the age difference between them, which, frankly didn’t register with Zach at all.
“But it’s true. I know you love me, but I’m giving you the chance and the choice to walk away and find someone younger and healthier who you won’t have to worry about. You deserve the best.” He swallowed hard. “You deserve everything.”
The old Zach would have backed off and, in his nonconfrontational style, agreed to whatever Sam wanted. But that old Zach no longer existed; he’d been buried so far down his only company would be fossils.
He’d learned, surprisingly through his friends, that love isn’t always a given, and maybe he and Sam had been too nonchalant, always taking each other and what they had for granted. Now Zach knew. It took work and tears and times of pain and near-loss to discover the most important thing is to never forget what life would be like without the other there.
“I deserve exactly what I have with you; you’re my best friend and the love in my heart. Don’t you dare say you aren’t good enough for me. I determine that. I’ve fought hard to make it to this life we have together, and I’ll be damned if you take it away from me because of some perceived, stupid, old-fashioned notion of age. You’re ten years older, not one hundred.”
Sam’s lips twitched. “I know, but there’s still the matter of my heart.” A flush crept up his neck to stain his cheeks. “That night when I couldn’t…” His gaze fell to the bed. “It was because of the medicine. You have a healthy sex drive, and if I can’t satisfy you, I don’t want you hanging on because of a sense of obligation to me.”
“The sex, amazing as it may be, isn’t the reason I fell in love with you.” Zach lay back down next to Sam and wrapped his arms around him, careful of the wires on his chest. “Would you leave me if I were the one in this bed?”
“Of course not. But—”
“Then this conversation is finished. I love you, and tomorrow when you come home we will sit down and plan how to make you healthy again and what to do about the beach house.”
“Oh, we’re keeping the house; I decided.” Sam kissed his cheek, and Zach’s heart jumped.
“Yeah?”
“Who am I to deny my future husband the pleasure of spoiling me?”
