Adam stopped short, and Rico ran into his back. “Ooph. What’s the matter…” His voice died when he saw that it wasn’t the commissioner who was seated in front of Dixon’s desk.
His father was.
“Dad.”
“I thought,” Dixon said as he stood, “it might be better for you all to talk here.” He exited the room and shut the door behind him.
Unable to speak or even move, Rico stood staring at his father. Why was he here? Did he come to tell him to stay the hell out of his life? All questions he wanted to ask, but his frozen lips couldn’t form the words.
“Mr. Estevez? I’m Adam Barton, Rico’s friend.”
Dumbfounded, Rico watched his father stand and shake Adam’s hand. It was like a scene from a movie playing out before him.
“Why are you here?” His voice broke, rusty and a bit breathless, and he hated how weak he sounded. He stood balanced on a precipice, waiting to fall at the slightest tap. “I thought we said everything the last time we met.”
“I thought so too. Then I heard about what happened today at the ceremony.”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything. I’m sure you’ll manage to talk your way out of it to save face.” If he sounded bitter, Rico no longer cared.
His father winced. “When I heard what happened, I can’t lie, it shocked me. But being alone at night gives me a chance to think about my life and what I really want for you and me. I remembered when you were a baby, how your mother and I had all these hopes and dreams for you. Even as a child you pushed boundaries and did things your way.”
“You were my role model. You always said I could do anything I wanted to. Work hard and keep my focus and I’ll get there.”
A sad smile tipped the corners of his father’s lips. “I did say that. But when your mother died, I lost my way. I lost my hope. I left you alone and never bothered to see the man you’d made of yourself. I only saw what I wanted for you. What I thought was the right way. The only way.”
A tiny dart of hope shot through him, and Rico felt Adam shift closer to him. No matter what, he had this man to hold on to in case his world came crashing down. But if he could, Rico wanted it all. Adam, his father…he wanted to fly to the top of the mountain.
“So what happened? You said last time it wasn’t right the way I felt about Adam. The way I am. Who I am.”
With a nod, his father sagged into himself. “I did. I listened to what I’d been taught all my life. Then Maryann called me the other day to tell me of Adam and his commendation. She told me of his bravery in helping that mother through the suicide of her young son. For the first time I saw the real face behind the labels. I saw someone I should admire.” His head hung low. “It confused me. I-I didn’t expect a fireman to be gay.”
Lifting his chin, Rico shot his father a defiant glare. “Adam is a wonderful man. I’m very proud to have him in my life.”
“As you should be. You’re a respected businessman, a leader, but more importantly, a man of conviction and humanity. Someone who helps the community he’s in. You’ve put me to shame.”
“What does that have to do with me being with Adam?” He refused to let his father duck from this most important conversation. “All you ever talk about is my business sense. I’m a human being. Someone who needs love. I’ve finally found it, and I can’t—Iwon’tgive Adam up. Not for anyone, including you.”
This might have been the longest conversation he’d ever had with his father, but it was years in the making and Rico wouldn’t be denied.
“Hearing you say this…I don’t know what to think anymore. My whole life, my work is nothing more than a lie, really. I can’t simply erase the past.”
Rico pulled Adam to stand next to him.
“Look at us, Dad. Do you really think someone like Adam, a man who risks his life for people like you, doesn’t deserve the same rights as you simply because of who he loves? And if I wasn’t your son, would you think I was still a respected businessman worthy of praise if you knew I was gay?”
Lines that hadn’t been there last time Rico saw him scored his father’s cheeks, but there was no victory in knowing he’d caused him such anguish.
“I don’t know,” his father whispered. “I don’t know what to think or say anymore.”
More than anything Rico wished this never had to happen. But his life waited and Rico could taste freedom on his lips. He couldn’t turn back.
“I never wanted to hurt you. But this isn’t about you. I am who I am whether you accept me or not. Whether you love me or not. So I’m not quite sure where this leaves us. Or why you’re here.”
“Because you’re my son. And I’ll always love you. I made a promise to your mother before she died to take care of you…that I would never let you down and always be there for you. Not the straight Rico or the gay Rico. You, my son. My light, my heart.” Tears streamed down his face, and Rico felt the wetness on his own cheeks. “I’ve been worse than a fool. Can you forgive me?”
As much as Rico wanted to fling his arms around his father, too many unanswered questions remained. “How can I when your career is dedicated to making sure I have no rights? I love you, but I can’t ignore what you stand for.” It was all or nothing as he saw it. This was his life; halfway wouldn’t cut it.
His father gestured to the chair. “I need to sit.”
