What in thefresh hell of his life had possessed him to do this? At the time it had seemed like a great idea, the only right thing to do. But as the clock ticked closer to the hour Rico would show up, Adam became more and more antsy. Everyone in the firehouse was cool with it but him. Adam hadn’t thought seeing Rico again after their time apart would affect him, but from the way he jumped every time someone walked into the firehouse that afternoon, he was dead-ass wrong. And it would only get worse with Rico cooking there tonight, yet he could hardly let the man flounder when the viable alternative was to offer help. It’s what he’d done all his life.
But Rico was like no other man he’d met.
“Nope,” he muttered and helped himself to another cup of coffee. “I may be a hick, but you don’t have to tell me twice when I’m not wanted.”
“Who doesn’t want you?”
God help him if he could ever get some peace and quiet in this place. Adam lifted his gaze and was greeted by the grinning face of Travis Montgomery, the firehouse comedian. No way was Adam about to discuss his sex life with a man who had a topless woman tattooed on his bicep, and entertained everyone by making her dance when he flexed.
“Nothing. I was talking to myself.”
“Listen, kid.” Travis grabbed him at the nape of his neck, shocking him into silence. They’d been friendly since he began working at the firehouse, but not friends. Adam didn’t think Travis paid that much attention to him.
“I don’t care who you hit the sheets with; I ain’t got problems with anyone as long as they do their job. I seen you run headfirst into buildings on a call, and have nothing but respect for you. So if someone you like don’t like you, I say fuck them, their loss, and move on. Go swipe right or left or something.”
Now it was Adam’s turn to laugh. “‘Swipe right?’ Where the hell did you hear that?” He stopped and put up a hand. “No. Don’t answer that. I don’t think I want to know. Look.” At the sight of Travis opening his mouth to speak, Adam hurriedly finished his sentence. “I appreciate it, but it’s nothing I can’t and haven’t dealt with before.”
“Good. ’Cause I seen you here for a while now looking like someone stole your lunch. Whoever’s got you in a funk, fuck ’em. It’s their loss.”
All through the rest of the afternoon, Adam thought about Travis’s words. The smart thing to do was forget Rico and enjoy what they’d had. They’d been nothing more than each other’s comfort during the night. Adam’s problems began when he wanted the days as well. He thought back to his talk with Gideon, who begged him not to give up on Rico. What could he do? The man had given up on himself. Frustrated, he rubbed the cleaning cloth over the gleaming red surface of the fire truck.
“Hey, Barton, somebody’s here for you.”
The better part of the past hour, he’d been cleaning the truck; he was tired, hot, and sweaty, and wanted nothing more than a shower and a nap. Yet when he peered over the top of the rig and saw Rico standing there, his heartbeat kicked into overdrive and the fatigue melted away.
“Oh, hey.” He tossed the rag on top of the cab of the truck and hopped down, then walked closer. His concern grew, and he noted the lines of strain radiating from Rico’s eyes and mouth; his normally smooth brow was crisscrossed with deep furrows. The business Rico and Gideon started meant everything to them, and Adam could only speculate on the crushing weight Rico felt, single-handedly handling the fire and the aftermath.
“Hi.” Fidgeting and looking like he’d rather be somewhere else, Rico gave him a quick, half-hearted smile. “Uh, Rabbi Fine and my guys are meeting me here any minute.” He rubbed his neck in that way Adam remembered when he felt stressed and uncomfortable. How did they end up in this place, after those days and nights of love and laughter? No matter that they were no longer lovers; Adam would still go to the ends of the earth to help Rico.
“Are you sure it’s okay? I don’t want you to get in any trouble or anything.”
“Nah, it’s good. I told you my chief checked it out. Helping the community is what it’s about.”
With those words, Rico relaxed and walked to the back. “The kitchen’s back here, right?”
“Yeah. Waiting for you to perform your magic. I’m on shift, so I’ll be here to help if needed.”
They’d reached the huge kitchen area that at any given time would have a pot of chili bubbling on the stovetop or the makings of some hero sandwiches cluttering the cutting boards. Tonight it all lay clean and at the ready; the chief had briefed them all earlier, and Adam’s heart lifted when the guys rallied around and worked to make the kitchen spotless. His probie year and the blatant homophobia he’d faced from a now-retired firefighter were a distant memory. This house and these guys were his family.
“No, man. That’s not necessary. I said my guys are meeting me.” Looking supremely uncomfortable, Rico leaned against the tiled countertop.
“It’s not only me; a bunch of the guys want to help you. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget what you said. I’m helping you because I know how stressed you are. I have no intention of making it harder on you.”
Their eyes met, and Adam longed to wipe away the fear of failure he saw consuming Rico. He wished he could hold him, but that time had passed for them.
“Come on. It’s gonna be okay, and so are you.”
Relief lightened Rico’s deep brown eyes, and for the first time his smile beamed back full and genuine. “Yeah. Thanks. I can’t tell you how much Gideon and I appreciate your helping us out.”
“Oh, damn. Gideon must’ve gone nuts when you told him.”
Rico’s eye twitched—a bad sign. Then it dawned on Adam.
“You didn’t tell Gideon, did you? Oh shit, Rico. Why?”
Turning his back, Rico braced his arms on the counter, his head bowed with the weight of the world on his shoulders. From the tiny bits of information Rico doled out, Adam remembered the pressure Rico placed on himself to be the best, do the best, and never ask for help. Forgetting his earlier decision to keep it strictly business between them, Adam placed his hand on Rico’s back, the tense muscles like granite to the touch under the damp T-shirt.
“Stop beating yourself up over everything.”
