“I won’t lie and say it was a magic cure-all, but it did help to sort out all the crap in my head. The department has doctors for you to talk to in the Counseling Services Unit.” He flipped a pen around in his hand. “I’m suggesting you use it.”
CSU. He’d heard of it but never thought he’d need to use their services. “I don’t know—” Adam began, but Dixon smoothly cut him off.
“But I do. This isn’t a request, Adam. I may have said ‘suggest,’ but I’m telling you to make an appointment at CSU and talk it out. You’ll have plenty of time. I’ve put you in for four days off. Call it a mental-health reprieve.”
Fuck.But from Dixon’s steely eyed look, Adam knew there’d be no arguing with him. And frankly, he was useless right now when all he could see was that poor kid lying on the bed…
“Okay. Thanks, Lieutenant. I’ll do it.”
“Good.” Dixon stood, giving Adam his cue to leave. He followed his superior, who held the door open for him. “You won’t know how much you need it until you’re there. But trust me. You do.”
But Adam did know. That was the saddest part. He also knew that no matter how much he talked to someone, nothing would change. Once again, he’d been too late to help.
Chapter Seven
“Dad. Are yougoing to be able to make it up here this weekend?” Rico had been hoping his father would be able to come to New York so they could spend some time together and he could show off his thriving business. When he and Gideon decided to open their own catering store Gideon wanted to do it all on their own, but Rico knew how hard a start-up would be. After convincing Gideon to take out a loan, Rico went to his father, who was more than happy to lend them the money once he saw their business plan. Every month, without fail, they sent their payment. Rico’s father had yet to make it up north to see the store for himself, and he and Gideon had a rare weekend off with no parties to cater and could take it easy for once. Rico knew Gideon and Jonah planned to have dinner with both their fathers, which set off a longing to see his own parent.
There had been too many times to count when his father had promised to put aside whatever needed his attention for the weekend to fly up for a visit, only to have a last-minute crisis hit that only he could handle. Having lived for years with his father’s single-minded to work, Rico knew better than to count on him showing up until he saw him step off a plane.
And true to form, his father’s heavy sigh into the phone meant that once again, he wasn’t coming. “Enrico, I had every intention of coming, but they called an emergency meeting of the council and—”
“And since you’re the commissioner, you need to be there. I understand. It’s okay.” It didn’t matter if Rico said it was okay or not. His father had to do his duty to the public. Rico had been hearing that for as long as he could remember. In fact, the only extended period of time his father had spent away from the job was after Rico’s mother died.
“We can do it another time. We have all summer.”
Now that he was grown, Rico knew the devastation of his mother’s sudden death had caused his father to bury his grief and loneliness in his work. Though his father had tried to make it home for dinner several nights a week, more often Rico had joined his aunt, uncle, and cousins at the diner, where he soon learned his love of food extended beyond simply the eating and more toward the creation and preparation.
“Sure, Dad,” Rico said, knowing with a certainty borne of years of disappointments that his father would never find the time. “How’s everyone else? Uncle Javier and Aunt Claudia? I haven’t spoken to Ernesto in a while. Everyone is good?”
“Well, you know your cousin Ernesto. He and Javier always clashed on the way to run the business. Both have hard heads and hot tempers.”
Joining his father in a chuckle, Rico shook his head. He and his cousin had often been at loggerheads over the choice of menu, with Rico wanting to update the dishes and his cousin refusing, sticking to the tried-and-true American diner staples. That was when Rico realized he could never work for anyone and had to own his own business.
“Those two never failed to get into a screaming match in the kitchen over something ridiculous. One time it was a decision to use one percent milk versus whole milk for the coffee. You would think Javier wanted to poison someone the way Ernesto carried on.”
“Ernesto is very much a stickler for the way things have to be. He doesn’t like change. For a young man, he’s very old-fashioned.”
Papers rustled in the background, and as Rico had suspected, his father was multitasking while they spoke. Ernesto and his father, Javier, might have differing ideas on how to run a restaurant, but Rico envied their closeness, knowing the father and son often went away on fishing trips together or to Las Vegas to gamble. When he started working at the diner, they’d invite him along, but Rico didn’t want to intrude and instead used the time to learn more about finance and the business side of the operation. Putting his MBA degree to good use, as his father said proudly. Keeping the business running and doing better than ever.
“Well, they’re both very strong-willed, and each believes their way is the best.”
“Sometimes that’s good, but I’ve learned that compromise is often the best way to achieve your ultimate goal. Remember that, Enrico. Always see things from both sides before making a decision.”
“Thanks, Dad. Great advice as usual.”
After hanging up, he flopped down onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Rico cursed his cowardice, wanting to tell his secret but fearful of the ramifications. If only his father would stop being Leonides Estevez, Miami County Commissioner and potential future senator, and simply be his parent. But years of longing had changed nothing, and both Rico and his father remained together but each very much alone, struggling to come to grips with the loss of a mother and a wife by burying themselves in their work and hiding from life.
Most of all, Rico wished he had a crystal ball and could know he’d be accepted. Because while he loved his father more than anything, every time Rico saw him in the local Miami newspaper he still subscribed to, he realized he knew the man little better than the face he put on for the public. When his mother died, he’d lost both his parents.
Restless and itchy, he glanced at the illuminated dial of the clock on the night table and wondered what Adam was up to. It surprised Rico he hadn’t heard from him since that afternoon when he came by, so scared and broken up after visiting a dying colleague. That had to be a killer, and Rico had been at a loss to know what to do except hold him and fuck his brains out like Adam had asked. But even afterward, it didn’t seem to be enough; Adam wasn’t his usual easy-going self. Rico grabbed his phone again and hit Adam’s number.
“Yeah?”
The hollow voice sent chills through Rico. “Adam? What’s wrong?”
“What’s right ’smore like it.”
“Did something happen?” Then Rico remembered. “Did that fireman friend of yours…uh, pass away?”
