The delicious food and beautiful backdrop of the night sky through the tall windows were wasted on Sam. Instead, his concentration was fixed on Zach who gave the appearance of a happy party guest, all smiles and laughter. “Looks like you’re on the outs,” said Andy, from behind.
“Shouldn’t you be working? I’m sure Nick and Julian aren’t paying you to chat up their guests.”
A teasing grin broke across Andy’s face. “I’m on a dinner break,” he said and popped a cheese cube in his mouth. “Want some?” He held out a forkful of pasta. “You used to like it when I’d feed you across the table.”
Those days were a million years ago; Sam struggled to remember what it had been like with Andy and could only come up with emptiness. In the beginning they’d had hot sex, but after a while it had burned itself down, and they couldn’t revive the embers of that dying fire. They hadn’t bothered to try.
“No thanks.”
The afternoon he and Zach spent yesterday, flying the kite and then at the beach, was all he wanted. In the end it came down to him and Zach. He loved Zach, and it was like the ocean, a force of nature, forever changing in its form yet always the same. Powerful, deep, and strong.
He hadn’t told Zach he loved him; maybe that’s why he was acting so strange tonight. Sam knew he wasn’t good at these things, but even he knew, much as Zach loved Julian and Nick, it might be bittersweet to watch his friends get married, thinking he might never find that lasting love himself.
Andy placed his plate down and leaned against the wall. Dispassionately, Sam took in Andy’s tanned, lean body, expensive watch, and designer clothing. His chestnut hair gleamed under the recessed lights; he looked straight off the pages of a magazine—charming, rich, and successful. But Sam knew the Andy he thought no one saw; his vacant eyes told the story. No warmth touched their deep-brown depths. Sam could only imagine how many men he’d gone through in the time they’d been apart.
There was nothing between them now, Sam realized, except faded memories.
“Listen, why don’t we get together after the party, and we can have a drink. You know, reminisce for old times’ sake.” The smile Sam once thought charming, now reeked of insincerity.
Perhaps Andy still believed Sam would fall back into bed with him, and truthfully, if he were single and not with Zach, who knows what might have happened. Nights were long and lonely without someone to hold.
But now Sam had a taste of what real life was like—a man who cared for him, the tentative beginnings of a friendship with this tight-knit group of men who fiercely protected their own, and a sense of family he hadn’t even realized he wanted. You can’t want what you didn’t know existed.
“Sorry, but I’m busy.”
Andy glanced over to where Zach sat with Nick and Julian who’d now joined him and the two women. “With Zach? He’s a cutie. Well, what about the three of us?” He gave Sam a wink. “I do him and you do me.” His eyes narrowed. “I wouldn’t mind a taste of that ass.”
Almost choking on his fury, Sam muscled Andy up against the wall. “Don’t talk about him like that. He’s not one of your club hook-ups.”
“Whoa, Sammy. Going all Papa Bear on me, huh? Anyone would think you’re in love with the guy.”
“I am, you dumb fuck. Maybe if you stopped thinking with your dick for once and looked beyond it, you’d understand.”
A bewildered expression crossed Andy’s face. “I didn’t think you’d find someone so quickly. I thought—”
“I know what you thought.” He had nothing left for Andy, not even pity. “You thought I’d be waiting for you to come back, didn’t you? That I was a boring fool and you were the only part that made me interesting. You never thought I’d move on and someone would want me.”
Andy’s jaw clenched in a mulish expression. “You never wanted to do anything or go anywhere. I liked to go out, and you were an old married man sitting at home watching TV and making dinner plans with your friends.”
In all their time together Sam couldn’t recall an honest conversation between them. Now that their emotions were no longer vested, they could be free to speak the truth.
In a gentler tone, Sam urged Andy to understand. “We never should have stayed together as long as we did; you know it as well as I. It was good in the beginning, but it had died out between us way before that final night.”
“You’re probably right,” said Andy, his eyes thoughtful, and to Sam’s surprise, a bit wistful. “But we did have fun. You can’t tell me it wasn’t good in the beginning.”
“It was,” said Sam, passing by Andy and giving his shoulder a squeeze. “But it hadn’t been for a long, long time. And now I’m interested in the future, not the past. Good luck and I’m glad we had the chance to say good-bye.”
The future was all about Zach, and it was time to let him know it. Anticipation threaded through his veins as he approached Zach and the group.
“Hey, mind if I join you?”
“Take my seat,” said Julian standing, Nick joining him. “Nick and I need to mingle, especially since some of his family members are leaving soon.” They walked away leaving behind Marcus, Katie, and Melanie, in addition to Zach.
“So that was your ex, huh? Doesn’t seem like your type.” Marcus lazed back in his chair, a drink dangling from his hand.
Forgetting the good will of their previous conversation, Sam bristled. “No offense, Marcus, but what do you know about me? And Zach and I talked about Andy. He knows everything.”
“I didn’t know he was back in New York,” said Zach diffidently.
