“Mr. Feldman, I’m Dr. White.”
A man of medium height, around his age, stood before him.
“Are you my mother’s doctor?”
“I’m the resident. Her neurologist is still on rounds, but the nurse wanted me to talk to you.” Dr. White’s dark eyes searched his. “Your mother is very ill. Are there any other relatives you need to call?”
“No.” His voice came out hoarse, and he cleared his throat. “No. I called my father, but he’s not answering. I left a message to come as soon as possible.”
“Good.” Dr. White nodded with approval. “Your father signed a DNR. I’m not sure if you were aware. From what we can see, your mother is in a very weakened state. I hope he makes it here in time. I’m sorry, but I’ve always thought it best not to give hope where there is none.”
He walked away, and Marcus stared after him. No wonder Micah left his practice to work with seniors. Hopefully he had a better bedside manner than this doctor had. None of which helped him at the moment. Before he returned to his mother’s bedside, he texted Micah and told him about his mother’s condition, and then he relented and texted Tyler and told him.
You don’t have to come. I’m fine. I only wanted to tell you because I was thinking about you. I’ll see you tonight.
Any misgivings he might have had earlier about being with Tyler dwindled to nothing as he sat by his dying mother, watching her fade away as the day passed. He didn’t want to end up like this at the end of his life, alone with a child who barely knew him and no other family around.
In his heart he promised Lillie and himself he wouldn’t make the mistakes his mother had by putting her child’s needs second. And he swore to never become his father, a man so selfish and narcissistic he cared for nothing but his own pleasure. He’d been well on his way toward it before Tyler entered his life.
As for his mother, he couldn’t understand why she never loved him enough, but he forgave her because it no longer mattered. He’d found Tyler, who taught him that love didn’t have to be a prison and caring about someone else didn’t mean there wasn’t enough love to go around. Love was infinite, a bottomless vessel to dip into, knowing it would forever be replenished.
The loud alarm going off shook him out of his thoughts, and he was asked to leave the room, but he didn’t venture far. Marcus knew the time had come.
The nurse beckoned him from the doorway. “If you’d like to say goodbye now…” Her sympathetic gaze surprisingly comforted him. She had picked the right profession.
Standing over his mother’s bed, Marcus gazed down at her, the pain of loss unexpectedly acute. It hurt him that she had wasted her life on a man who never cared. And he took her hand and squeezed it, hoping somehow she’d know that in the end, he’d been there. “I’m sorry.”
He turned away to find Tyler standing at the door, red-faced and windblown. “I came as soon as I got your text. I’m so sorry, Marcus.”
The hot rush of tears burned his cheeks, and Tyler’s arms closed around him. He found himself able to breathe for the first time in hours.
“Thanks for coming. At least I was here, so she didn’t have to die alone.”
“I’m sure she could sense it. And I’m glad you made your peace.” Tyler kissed his cheek, and Marcus clung to him, willing his warmth to take away the ice inside him. They sat down on chairs outside the room, waiting to speak to the doctors for the final time.
The nurses offered their condolences, and he accepted them, still feeling like a fraud. He wasn’t a good son; he’d never been hungry, cold, or imperiled like Tyler and his sister.
“I was wrong to hold a grudge for so long; I held on to my anger like a child and almost lost myself whoring around.”
“That’s the guilt talking,” said Tyler, massaging his back. “You’ve carried around a truckload of pain since childhood, and now when you’re finally happy, she’s gone, so you think you don’t deserve it.” Tyler kissed his neck. “You’re wrong.”
“We never tried to work through it. I never gave her a chance.” Not that she had made much of an effort, but he chose not to remember that now. He hugged Tyler. “I’m glad you came. I was wrong not to tell you before.”
Over Tyler’s shoulder he saw his father striding down the hallway, with a grim, determined look. He detached from Tyler and braced himself. “Don’t look now, but here comes my darling daddy.” He stood and leaned against the wall.
“I came as soon as the hospital called.”
“And as usual, too late.” There was no way to gild the disgust he had for this man. “Even in death you let her down.”
“What about you? You left and ignored her.”
“Don’t push your sorry-ass guilt off on me. I know you were fucking around on her all these years. Why she loved you I’ll never understand. You never gave a damn about her or me or anyone except yourself. Well now you can do whatever you want and not have to think up your bullshit excuses. And I never need to think about your sorry ass again.” Marcus took Tyler by the hand and brushed past his father. “I’d say have a nice life, but I don’t lie.”
“You’re as miserable a son as ever. You even had to drag your dirty lifestyle in here.”
With a snarl, Marcus turned and backed his father up against the wall.
“Don’t you ever talk about Tyler again. Don’t look at him or think about him. Got it? You aren’t good enough to clean the fucking dog shit off his shoes.” For the first time he saw fear in his father’s eyes, and Marcus derived a perverse kind of pleasure from it.
