“He fucking touched you, and you never told me? Why? You know I would have killed that bastard for you.” His shirt clung to his back, damp from the sweat that poured off him.
“Because of this reaction. Back then I was too afraid and thought I didn’t matter enough. But now I know I do. With the help of Dr. Landau and Sam, I’m working past it and making progress. I know I’m important. That I matter.”
Unreal. Zach had suffered like this, and he hadn’t had a clue. What a shit-ass, selfish friend he’d been all these years. The waiter had silently righted his chair, and Marcus sagged into it, unable to take his eyes off Zach.
“You matter more than anything. And I didn’t see any of this happening.” Marcus blinked against the sudden stinging in his eyes.
“You saw what I allowed you to see. But this isn’t about you, Marcus, it’s my problem and I—actually Sam and I are dealing with it.” Zach threw Sam a smile. “But that’s why what happened to Tyler last night isn’t insignificant. I think you should talk to him about it and ask him if he wants to press charges.”
Now, finally, Marcus understood how Sam had changed Zach’s life, making him stronger and more self-assured. Sam was Zach’s anchor, his steadying guide to hold on to while he navigated through the hellish parts of his life, in addition to providing him with the love and support he deserved.
Envy rose within Marcus for the first time, shocking him with the violence of its intensity. What would it feel like to have someone care about his well-being more than their own? To have a loving, equal relationship, like Zach and Sam had, or Julian and Nick?
He squelched those thoughts and drank his mimosa in one tasteless gulp. That type of love wasn’t meant for him; he’d never been first in anyone’s life. Once again he eyed his father laughing and chatting with his latest “woman of the week,” and the ever-present blackness wrapped itself around his heart. His own father cared more for his girlfriends than his son or wife. And as for his mother… Marcus always came a distant second to her husband’s pleasure.
“I don’t know; I can always talk to him tonight, I guess, but I don’t think he’ll care, as long as he keeps his job. That’s the most important thing to him.”
“You two sound the same; the job first and everything else second.” Zach picked up his fork and cut into his French toast.
Aside from Tyler being a wonderful dancer with a gorgeous face and body, Marcus knew nothing about him or any of the other people who worked for him; their personal lives meant little to him. Even if they were fucking, he didn’t care what their dreams were or where they went once they left his bed.
The one thing Marcus did know was that he’d never been important enough to anyone; even Zach, whom he’d loved more than he’d ever thought himself capable of loving anyone, hadn’t believed in their friendship enough to entrust him with his secret. And now, as it should be, Sam took precedence in Zach’s heart and was the man with whom Zach shared his trust and his life.
There was a twinge of regret at the inevitable loss of his close friendship with Zach, but he’d spoken the truth at Julian’s wedding when he told Zach he loved him as best he could. He didn’t know how to love anyone, not like his friends loved their partners. He’d seen Julian give himself to Nick and Zach to Sam so completely, and it scared the shit out of him to lose that control, to put someone else first.
Since he’d discovered the power of sex and his body, Marcus managed life his way, putting his needs before everyone else’s. It had been a heady experience, freeing him of the gnawing inferiority of his youth, which, with a winning smile, he hid so deftly from everyone. Growing up in a home where he was nothing but an afterthought, an unwanted child, he’d made certain that as an adult he’d always be his own first priority.
“I don’t know why you’d say that; you know nothing about him, and I don’t know much more than you. He’s a new dancer who seems to have caught the eye of every bartender and party boy on the floor.”
Zach’s brows drew together in confusion. “You sound like that makes it all right for him to be manhandled.”
“That’s not true. But maybe he needs to tone down shaking his ass.”
Sam, who’d remained silent, tossed his napkin down on the table and spit out his words, his voice reverberating with anger. “Don’t ever blame the victim. He’s doing his job, the one you hired him for, and it’s your duty to protect him while he’s at your place of business. Period.”
Prickles of shame hit Marcus. “I’m sorry; you’re right. I’ll talk to him tonight.” No longer hungry, he toyed with the remains of his eggs. They finished their meal with small talk about the holiday season coming up and Julian and Nick’s return.
After settling the bill, Marcus checked his watch; he had an appointment with his accountant, stock to check, and other endless details before Sparks once again opened for business tonight.
“Why don’t you guys stop by the club and have a drink tonight?”
Zach shrugged. “We were only planning to hang out at home, but I’m willing.” He nudged Sam. “You’re not on a job now, are you?”
Marcus remembered Sam did undercover security work and had an idea. “If you come by, Sam can maybe let me know if my system needs any tweaking.”
Sam slipped his leather jacket on and zipped it up. “Not a problem; I’d be happy to. I’m not working on anything at the moment.”
“Great. Come whenever. I’ll be there.”
He hugged Zach. “Thanks for telling me about Nathan. I’m glad you know how much better you are without him.”
“I’m sorry I held back, but it had nothing to do with you.”
“I know.”
They left, and through the front windows of the restaurant, Marcus watched Sam slip his arm around Zach’s shoulders and kiss the top of his head. He wondered if having a steady lover would free him of his cynicism about relationships and love but dismissed that immediately. He’d never had the desire to have any one man for any period of time. They grew needy, whiny, and demanding.
“Still hanging around with the gay boys, Marcus?”
