And he would be, as soon as the ache in his chest disappeared.
Chapter Sixteen
‡
It took Tylerless than fifteen minutes to pack his clothes, which entailed throwing the few pairs of jeans, tees, and sweatshirts he owned in a bag. Lillie’s clothes would prove more of a challenge, since she’d mysteriously accumulated more outfits and toys in these past few weeks than she had in the whole year, including her birthday and Christmas.
After surveying the explosion of stuffed animals and dolls in her room, Tyler picked out the toys she loved best and packed up only the clothing she came with, leaving behind all the pretty clothes she loved wearing. It tore at his heart to disappoint her, but he refused to accept charity and owe Marcus anything in the end.
Passing by Marcus’s bedroom, Tyler stopped for a moment and leaned in the doorway, surveying the unmade bed; memories of them making love under the warmth of the covers last night and this morning threatened to derail his anger. His heart thudded, and his body ached with a longing to return to this morning and erase everything that happened once they left the safe cocoon of the apartment.
He’d never been kissed until he thought his heart might explode or touched with such tenderness and passion; his skin still felt the imprint of Marcus’s hands. How stupid to imagine a future where he might give up Sparks to run his own studio, or train for Broadway, or that he and Marcus could put aside their differences and make a relationship work. It had been a thread of an idea he’d hoped to work on and had hugged to himself.
In the end, Marcus wanted things his way and thought to keep Tyler like his little pet. Angry at himself for both wasting his time and giving his body to a man who proved to be less than what he hoped but exactly what he feared, Tyler marched into the bathroom, swept up his toiletries, and dumped them in a plastic bag, then dragged the two duffel bags full of clothing out of the apartment and down the elevator. He didn’t want to keep the new cell phone Marcus had given him, but since it was the only number Micah and Josh had to call him on, he had to keep it. For now.
Lugging the two big bags on the subway might prove a daunting task, but it couldn’t be helped. He wouldn’t waste his money on a cab, especially now when he was back to dancing for tips. And when he showed up at Sparks tonight, he suspected he might be out of a job, although he hoped for Lillie’s sake that Marcus wouldn’t be so cruel to toss him out with no notice.
Lucky for him the trains were relatively empty, and he stood the bags on their end so as not to take up precious standing room. Still, he received the evil eye from some people, which he chose to ignore. With the usual, inexplicable delays, it took him an hour to reach his stop in Brooklyn, and it was late afternoon and already turning dark by the time he hauled the two bags up the station stairway and down the block. The side where his ribs had cracked twinged in protest at the all-but-forgotten climb up six flights of stairs to his apartment. By the time he reached the top floor, his shirt stuck to his back, wet from a chilled sweat.
The atmosphere in the apartment had an alien quality, as if he no longer belonged within its walls. A fine shimmer of dust lay over everything, and Tyler sighed at the amount of cleaning he needed to do for when Lillie returned home tomorrow.
His heart clenched at the inevitable upset this would cause Lillie, but it had to happen. The strange attraction he and Marcus acted upon may have lit up the sheets, but that type of all-encompassing lust and desire to possess eventually burns out, leaving little behind of the original inferno but smoldering ruins. He shivered, remembering how high he flew, how intense and brightly hot their hunger for each other had been.
Dragging a bag behind him, Tyler walked to Lillie’s bedroom, determined to put Marcus out of his mind for good.
*
It had takenhim the better part of the evening to clean the apartment, unpack Lillie’s things (his clothes were merely tossed in a chest that doubled as their coffee table), and fill the refrigerator with some essential food and milk for when she came home. Remembering how Marcus thought nothing of spending hundreds of dollars on food and drinks to satisfy Lillie, Tyler was more determined than ever to make sure she understood they couldn’t afford Marcus’s lifestyle.
By seven o’clock Tyler had showered and prepared himself, and with a final look around the tiny apartment, he locked the door and headed back to the city, to Sparks.
All the bartenders greeted him with a hug and a kiss, even Antonio, who Tyler thought didn’t like him, believing him a rival for Marcus’s affection. Now would be the time to tell Antonio to go for the gusto. Tyler hesitated a second, then waved at the man.
“Hey.”
Antonio, who stood with Shane chatting about the new signature drink Sparks planned to serve tonight, pointed to himself.
“Me? What’s up?”
With a tilt of his head, Tyler indicated they should move to the end of the bar, away from the others.
“So I just wanted you to know that if you’re interested in Marcus, there’s nothing going on between us. You’re free to take a shot, and I’m sure Marcus will be thrilled.”
Antonio’s lips curved upward in a grin. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“No, why?”
Fascinated, Tyler watched as Antonio popped a maraschino cherry in his mouth and with practiced skill, produced it on his tongue with the stem tied in a knot.
His teeth flashed as he crushed the piece of red fruit. “’Cause about a month ago I hit on him, knew I had it in the bag.”
All news to Tyler. He must’ve still been recuperating from the cracked ribs. It made sense though; Marcus used sex like addicts used their drugs.
“Oh yeah?” Tyler attempted to keep his voice diffident, like the thought of Antonio and Marcus didn’t matter and the pain in his chest wasn’t his heart shattering to bits. “Hope it was good.” The words tasted like chalk on his tongue, bitter and dry.
Antonio glanced around like he had a secret no one else should hear. “That’s just it, man. He turned me down. Me.” He ran his hands down his chiseled abs. “I offered to blow him, but then you called, and it’s like he forgot I was even there.”
The obvious disbelief in Antonio’s voice should have made Tyler laugh, not jump-start his heart. What he and Marcus had was sex for convenience’s sake; it wasn’t the beginning of a relationship.
