His gaze skittered away. “I do have someone special.” Given his mother’s religious fervor, Brandon didn’t think it was the right time to bring up the fact that his someone special was a man.
“But?” She looked perplexed. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m not sure if they realize how much I care for them.”
Her gaze held his. “Are they good to you?”
Remembering Tash’s probing kisses and the unfettered joy in his smile, Brandon couldn’t hold back his happiness. “Yes. The best. I never thought I’d fall in love, and yet there was never any choice as soon as we met.”
She squeezed his hand. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve it.” She stood and took away the teacups. Brandon noticed how she saved his used tea bag, and his heart clenched in his chest. “Let me make you something to eat.” She opened the ancient refrigerator and frowned. “I remember you boys loved tuna fish sandwiches. Would you like one?”
Although he knew it might be her last can, Brandon couldn’t refuse without hurting her pride. “I’d love one, Mom.” When she smiled at his endearment, he made a decision. When the time came for him to return home, he’d be bringing her back with him. Ash and Luke would learn to deal with it. He watched her move about the kitchen, opening the can and mixing in the mayonnaise, her happiness increasing with her actions.
She slid a sandwich on plain white bread in front of him, watching him anxiously as he bit into it.
“Wonderful,” he said, his mouth full of the sandwich. How many afternoons had he spent sitting here, eating a sandwich exactly like this, while his mother puttered around the kitchen cleaning up, singing hymns? With the space of time and faded memories, he could almost think of his childhood with fondness. Minus the beatings and the verbal abuse.
Back in Georgia he, Ash, and Luke would all fight to help her make cookies, each one grabbing the spoon or the bowl from the other, until she would separate the cookie dough into three bowls and give each of them one of their own. If he tried hard enough, he could smell the vanilla and sweet chocolate in the air.
“How long can you stay?” She looked out of the window at the sun, which crept along the bright horizon. “Do you have a car, or did you take the bus?”
When he’d left Esther’s this morning, Brandon honestly thought he’d be going to jail. He hadn’t planned for anything past tonight. “I took the bus. But I have the rest of the week off if I need to take it.”
“It would be wonderful to have you here with me.” He grimaced, and she added hurriedly, “But I understand if you don’t want to.” She braced her arms on the edge of the sink and hung her head. “I’m sure you must hate me for being such a weak woman. I hate myself. If I’d only stood up to him, had more of a backbone, you never would’ve run away. I could’ve saved Luke, maybe.” A fresh torrent of tears poured down her face. “God only knows what happened to poor Ash.”
“Mom, please don’t cry.” Brandon slipped his arms around her. “They’re fine. I promise.” He could feel her stiffen in his arms.
“You hardly ever called me that; none of you boys did. I understood, although it hurt my heart. I always wanted children. I always wanted to be somebody’s mother, but like I said, God was right not to give me a child with what I let you boys go through.”
She pulled back to gaze up into his face. “And yet you grew up into a beautiful young man, kind and caring. A teacher.” She touched his face with a shaking hand and whispered, “It couldn’t have been all bad, right?”
He shook his head.
It wasn’t. There were some good memories to offset their past unhappiness. He knew as the youngest they’d all shielded him from most of the misery in the house. His foster mother had even sneaked him some money sometimes so he could get candy. Being with Ash and Luke were the best times of his life, the only times he recalled pure happiness, whether they were fooling around by the creek in the summer or snuggled together watching Saturday morning cartoons. He refused to let the evilness of Munson destroy the patchwork of memories that made up his childhood.
The defeat in his mother’s voice broke his heart. “When you leave, will you please let me know how you’re doing this time? I understand why you wouldn’t want to see me anymore, but a phone call every once in a while to keep in touch would be nice.”
He didn’t say anything but held her closer. For a second he thought she might resist, but then she settled against his chest.
“Come home with me when I leave. Now that I’ve seen you, I’d never forgive myself if I left you here.”
“This is my home, dear.”
“Mom, please. I can help you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you stayed here all alone.”
“You forget, Brandon dear, I’ve been alone all my life. Even when you boys were here, you didn’t need me all that much—you had each other. And Paul…” She stopped and shuddered. “I thought marriage was a sacred thing, but I was as wrong about that as I was with everything else in my life.”
His heart broke for her. He and his brothers, by miracle, luck, and sheer strength of will, had managed to climb out and move beyond the fires of their personal hells to create their own lives. Their mother hadn’t been so lucky. Trapped by poverty, defeat, and lack of a social structure to help her, she’d believed there was no way out.
“How about if I stay here tonight, and tomorrow we can talk about the future?” He returned to the table to eat his sandwich. While he personally didn’t have much in the way of resources, once Ash and Luke learned of their mother’s plight, he knew they’d offer her the moon.
Her delighted smile was all the answer he needed. He finished his sandwich and insisted on doing the dishes. Then, despite her protests, he went through the house and fixed what he could. He changed all the burned-out lightbulbs. She confessed they’d been that way for years, but she was afraid to stand on a chair to change them herself. He found Munson’s old workbox and tacked down the frayed carpeting where it had bunched up in places or lay torn. The windows in the living room had never opened, so he oiled and then washed them all in both the living room and kitchen.
Sunlight faded into the lavender twilight of early evening, and as Brandon continued to work, his mind busied itself with logistics. He knew he’d be bringing his mother back, but she needed a place to stay. Certainly Ash or Luke would help with that. Both of them had room in their homes for her. He climbed the narrow staircase to the second floor and took a deep breath before entering the room he’d occupied as a teenager.
To his shock, it was almost as he’d left it. Though it was free of dust, nothing had really changed. He walked inside and touched various books on the shelves, then sat on his narrow twin bed, staring out the window at the darkening night sky.
“I waited for you, hoping you’d come back, but deep down I always knew you weren’t mine to keep. None of you were.” His mother walked into the room and sat on the chair at the narrow desk pushed up against the wall. “I didn’t deserve any of you.”
