The man peered over his half-moon glasses. “Second floor, fourth classroom on the left.”
“Thanks.” Tash spoke over his shoulder, then cut in and out between the students going up the wide first-floor staircase. The smell of disinfectant, chalk dust, and the faint scent of whatever was being served for lunch in the cafeteria hung in the air. He passed by endless rows of lockers, then counted down the doors until he reached the fourth one.
Disappointment flooded through him when he peeked in through the narrow glass window of the door. An older woman stood in front of the classroom. He looked back down the hall to make sure he was standing before the right door, but then he felt a tap on his shoulder.
“Tash? What the hell are you doing here?”
Tash spun around to face Gage. “Hey, I’m really glad to see you. Do you know where Brandon’s classroom is?”
Gage gestured with his chin. “It’s this one, but he called in sick this morning and said he wasn’t going to be in for the next few days.”
Tash’s stomach sank. His face must’ve displayed his distress, because Gage stared hard at him and took him by the arm, led him down the hall, and opened a small door markedPrivate. The room, used as some kind of office, was empty save for a desk and several chairs. There was a credenza piled high with files and books along the back wall.
“What’s going on?” Gage leaned against the door, which he had closed and locked behind him. “I haven’t seen or heard from either of you in days.”
Tash debated how much to tell Gage. Although Gage might be happy that Tash and Brandon were lovers and had pushed for the two of them to get together, the reality of it had to be bittersweet.
“We’re fine. I mean, I thought we were until last night. I came home, and Valerie and I had a talk. Brandon had gotten home earlier than me and started dinner and was taking a nap. After she left, I went upstairs to wake him, and he was gone.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”
“Hmm.” Gage tapped his chin with a finger. “You definitely saw him there, right? And you spoke to him yesterday? Everything was fine between the two of you?”
Tash hesitated. “Are you really okay with this? I know we haven’t spoken recently, but I didn’t want things being awkward between us. I haven’t been a good friend by shutting you out.”
Gage dropped into the chair next to Tash. “First and foremost you’ll always be my friend. But remember I thought you and Brandon would be good together. In a strange way he reminds me of Danny a little—the joy in life and seeing the good in everyone.” Pain flickered in his eyes for a brief moment. “It hurt me more to think you were wasting your life mourning my brother who’d treated you so badly.”
“It wasn’t all bad, only in the end when the drugs and sickness took over.” Tash swallowed hard. “We had some good years together.”
“But he chose the drugs over both of us. I loved him more than anything, but it wasn’t enough. He always needed something more than what he had right in front of him.”
“It should’ve been obvious to me what he was doing, but I loved him too much to think he would lie to me, to both of us.” Tash sprang out of his chair to pace the small room. Gage remained seated, watching him with hollow, dark eyes.
“I’m the professional, and yet I let him blind me to his drug abuse. I failed him, with the most horrible consequences.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself. Danny was my brother, but I knew his faults, and one of them was that he was a master manipulator. If he didn’t want you to know something, he’d turn on the charm and you forgot what it was you were concerned about.”
“I always wondered how you forgave me. I was a psychiatrist, trained to see through things like that, yet I missed all the warning signals in the most important person in my life.”
“Because if I couldn’t forgive you, how could I forgive myself?” Gage leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes yet kept speaking. His fists were clenched tight in his lap. “I was his brother. I loved him more than anything. Who knew him better than me, the person he grew up with?” He opened his eyes and pinned Tash with his dark, grief-riddled eyes. “But it seemed neither of us really knew him. And that’s what you have to understand. The problems he had were kept so well hidden even he didn’t know how to escape from them once the drugs took over. And my God.” Gage swallowed and shook his head. “Even after a year, when he came back, you went to him in the hospital, no questions asked, sick as he was, and cared for him until he died. How many other people would do that?”
“I loved him and couldn’t bear the thought of him dying alone. He didn’t deserve that, no matter how much he’d hurt me.”
Gage nodded. “I know it and appreciate everything you did for the both of us. But that’s why you needed to start living again. You’re doing penance for something that wasn’t your fault. And selfish as Danny was, I know he would never have wanted you to spend the rest of your life mourning him. Life to him was for living to its fullest.”
“So you have no problem with Brandon and me as a couple?” Tash needed this validation from Gage. It was the final step in him cutting the ties that bound him to the past and the darkness he so desperately wanted to leave behind.
“Problem with it? I’m thrilled about it. It bugged the shit out of me to know you spent every night holed up in your house with those damn cats.”
Tash grinned. “That’s because they don’t like you.”
“They’re hellcats.” Gage smiled back at him, and Tash’s heart felt infinitely lighter; the weight of his years of sadness and self-flagellation lifted.
“Now about Brandon.”
Tash’s heart sank. “I don’t understand it. Everything was perfect. I know he was a little freaked out about the whole investigation, but he and his brothers had a long talk, and we were all standing by him. We were going to fight to prove he was subjected to so much abuse over his lifetime, he snapped.”
Gage looked at him strangely. “I don’t think that’s what his disappearance is about at all.”
Now Tash was thoroughly confused. “You don’t? Then I’m at a loss. He was there last night. I spoke to him before, and everything was fine. The food was cooking in the oven. He simply disappeared.”
