She blushed. “Oh, you shouldn’t have, but thank you.” After tasting a piece of a strawberry, she pushed it into the middle of the table. “Here, share with me.”
He shook his head. “No, thanks. What’s up with you? I haven’t been able to get ahold of you for ages.”
Val drank her coffee and moaned with delight. “God, that’s good. Well, with Luke leaving so unexpectedly for Europe, we had a lot of things to settle before he went away. I didn’t have the heart not to help him.” She drank more coffee, and as soon as she set it down, the waiter was right there to refill it.
“You should’ve seen Luke; it’s so cute how excited and nervous he was to meet Jordan’s parents.”
Tash smiled faintly. “I’m glad things worked out for the two of them.”
Val’s happy face turned sympathetic. “I know you liked Jordan, sweetie. I’m sorry it didn’t end up the way you would’ve wanted.” She reached out to take his hand. After a moment’s hesitation, he took it, giving a hard squeeze before releasing it.
“It wasn’t any big deal, and in the long run it turned out for the best. Jordan loves Luke. They belong together; anyone can see that.” The coffee burned an acidic trail down his throat. For the first time in years, he’d been somewhat attracted to another man, but Jordan, recovering from the death of his fiancé, had come out of his yearlong grieving process to fall in love with Luke. “I’m happy I could help them in some small way. It’s the way it was meant to be.”
Him. Alone. If he remained alone, he couldn’t have regrets.
A small sound of dismay escaped Val. “Oh, Tash, don’t. You sound as though you’ve given up on everything.” She broke off as the waiter approached with their food.
The warm, tantalizing smell of cinnamon and vanilla hit his nose as the plate of French toast was placed before him. He busied himself by dousing the food with maple syrup but stopped when Val placed her hand over his. He shook off her touch. “You can’t give up what you don’t have. Leave it alone.”
“But—”
“Enough.” Torn between his love for his sister and the pain he still carried within, Tash knew he’d lash out and say something cutting and mean if he didn’t stop the conversation at that moment. He lived with enough remorse crushing his soul. To hurt Valerie, the person who meant more to him than anyone, would break him. “The past is meant to be left where it is, not reopened and dissected. I made peace with everything long ago.”
But Valerie, who loved him, also knew him best. “You’re hiding away because of a mistake you believe you made years ago. I never thought of this before, but maybe you need to see someone yourself, to come to terms with what happened with you and Danny.”
Tash winced at the sound of Danny’s name. He huffed out a strained laugh. “The shrink needs a shrink?” He shoved a piece of French toast in his mouth and chewed, barely tasting it. After swallowing, he patted Val’s hand. “I don’t think so. I said I’m fine.”
Val shot him a disbelieving look through narrowed eyes. “That’s why you spend every night alone, you and those cats. I know the guys have tried to set you up, and you refuse.”
“I’m busy. Between setting up this joint mentoring program with the clinic, the community center, and the shelter, and helping Legal Aid with the kid who sold Jordan his drugs, as well as my own patients, I’ve got a full plate.” He drank down his coffee. “I barely have time to eat.”
“Then slow down. You’re not doing anyone a favor if you get sick.” Tash squirmed under her gaze, but she ruthlessly continued. “You look like hell; your eyes are tired, and you’ve lost weight.”
“Gee, nice to see you too. Thanks.”
“I’m saying it because I love you. Punishing yourself isn’t helping you, and it won’t bring Danny back either.”
All the air got sucked out of his lungs at her simple statement. The guilt of Danny’s death for so long had become a second skin; it was something Tash couldn’t shed. He’d been living a shadow life, present and accounted for but never really there in full spirit. He’d lost himself somewhere along the way, and the sad thing was, he didn’t see the need to find himself again.
It was like the nursery rhyme: “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.”
Tash was broken beyond repair, and he saw no need to gather the shards of his mental wreckage and try to piece himself back together.
“I promise to start eating better. And I think this mentoring program will be great. I always wanted to do something to help the kids. If we can give them a support system before the bad outside influences sink their claws into them, the kids will have somewhere to turn. Drew’s clinic is great, but it steps in after the problem. I want to get to them before.”
A relieved smile broke across Valerie’s face. “Oh, I haven’t seen you this passionate about anything in so long.” She grasped his hand. “I think it’s terrific, and I know it’ll be a success.”
“Eat your breakfast.” He pointed at her plate of eggs and toast. “It’s getting cold.”
Val wrinkled her nose at him but took a bite of her toast. “There, satisfied?”
He tweaked her nose. Damn, he loved her. They finished their meal, and after he paid the bill, they walked outside and stood on the street waiting for a cab for Val to go back to the city. It was almost lunchtime now, and the nearby courthouse would begin emptying of all the judges, attorneys, and jurors fanning out to the restaurants in the neighborhood. He could see the kids from one of the local schools playing soccer in the park. He and Val hugged and made plans to get together over the weekend and have lunch.
“I love you. Promise me you won’t sit in your house with only those cats for company when you don’t have patients.” She wound her scarf around her neck, then buttoned her jacket.
He rolled his eyes. “God, you make me sound like a pathetic loser. Is that what you think I do?” She opened her mouth, and he put his hand over her lips. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. I’ll call you about the weekend.”
They kissed good-bye, and he hailed an oncoming cab for her. After watching Val get inside the car, he continued his walk down Court Street. Tash enjoyed the bright blue of the brilliant October sky and, as always during this season, welcomed the brisk freshness of the cooler air. The touch of fall colors were beginning to paint the trees, he noticed as he turned onto Pierrepont Street, walking deeper into the Heights. He loved his little enclave of a neighborhood. Brooklyn Heights was like a small town in the big city, where people knew each other on the streets and local storeowners were friendly and welcoming. Fewer and fewer independent stores remained due to the exorbitant rents, and he mourned that fact as he came to his street, wonderfully named Love Lane.
