Ash knelt down to scratch Sasha behind her ears and grinned up at him. “Don’t worry. I’m not staying.” His smile faded. “Is, um, Luke here, by any chance?”
Jordan almost felt sorry for him. Almost. He had to give Ash credit for never giving up hope that somehow, someway, Luke would cave and talk to him. “No, he left a while ago.”
“Oh.” After giving the dog one last pat, Ash leaned over and kissed Drew. “Bye, baby. See you tonight.”
“Have a good day.”
Drew’s concentration remained on Ash until the man got into a cab. Only then did Drew face Jordan again with a smile on his lips.
“Things still good between the two of you?” Jordan hoped his tone came across as concerned. Ash had begun to grow on him. Like a fungus.
“Of course.” Drew’s smile faded. “I love him, Jordan. If you’re still hoping he’s been some kind of experiment for me, give it up. It’s been over a year already, and he’s it for me.”
“No. No.” Jordan put up his hands. “Let’s go inside. Tash is coming over, and I need to get ready for him.”
Drew followed him silently into the house. Jordan gave Sasha fresh water and indicated to Drew he should take some coffee. “Pour yourself a mug and we can catch up.”
Drew poured one for Jordan as well. “Tash is the doctor you introduced us to the night of the center’s opening, right?” He sipped the coffee and took a bagel from the plate on the counter. “You don’t mind, do you? We ran late, and I didn’t have a chance to eat breakfast.”
“Be my guest.” Jordan could only imagine why he overslept, knowing Ash’s former reputation as an insatiable lover. He remonstrated with himself, knowing he had to stop accusing Ash of things that weren’t true. The man had been nothing but faithful to Drew from the time they’d met, never once reverting to his wild ways. It showed how hard it was to change people’s opinions, no matter what the facts were. He’d have to remember that as well in his own life. If he wanted people to know he was no longer the arrogant bastard he’d always been, he had a lot of minds to persuade.
“Yes, Tash is a psychiatrist and will be administering my treatment here, at home. Afterward, I’ll be in therapy with him.”
“I’m proud of you.” Drew put his bagel down on the plate. “It takes tremendous courage to admit an addiction and quit. But I’ve been reading up on this therapy.” He picked the bagel back up, took a bite, and chewed, a worried expression on his face.
“What’s the matter, Drew?” Jordan put his mug down on the countertop.
“I’m a little worried about this drug they give to you, flumazenil. It can have some bad side effects. Are you aware of it?”
Touched by his friend’s concern, Jordan hitched his chair closer to Drew’s. “Look, I’ve done my research. I haven’t been on the pills that long, so I have that in my favor. But my dosage had been high for several months, so I know I’m going to have withdrawal. Yes, it’s not perfect, but I want my life back as quickly as possible. I’m willing to take the risks. It’s been hell on earth keeping this from everyone.”
“Where does Luke stand in all this? Is he supportive? Because the way he reacted that night at the center opening, I have to admit I was really disappointed in him.”
Jordan had no intention of discussing Lucas’s reasons with Drew. “He’s with me all the way.” Jordan took a sip of his coffee. “I love him, Drew.”
Drew’s eyes crinkled as he grinned. “I could tell. You’re finally tolerable to be around. We all owe him one.” The smile faded, and he looked sober for a moment. “And I presume he feels the same way?”
Jordan couldn’t help the stupid smile he knew broke over his face. “Yeah, he does. I couldn’t have made it back from my own personal hell without him.”
Drew slipped off his chair and hugged Jordan hard. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy again. I had such doubts after Keith died. You were so torn up with grief.” Always emotional, Drew stopped for a moment to wipe the tears from his eyes. “It’s been wonderful watching you come back to life, you know? I couldn’t be happier for the two of you, even though I wish we could all settle our differences. Still, it kills me that you didn’t come to me for help. You know I’d never judge you.”
“I was too fucking proud to admit it. I’m sure you can understand. But I’m over it now. I’m a different person than I was a year ago. Maybe I needed something to kick me in the ass to show me how off the rails I’d gone. All I know is that I’m never going back to how I was before.”
Drew raised a brow and grinned, disbelief etched on his face. “Are you kidding? Don’t tell me you’re going to be nice.”
Jordan flipped him off. “Ass. You know what I mean. I know what it’s like to be weak and hopeless. I won’t ever put down someone else again for feeling that way.”
Sasha came wandering in to sit at his feet, and he smoothed her short, shiny fur. “It took me a while to move past my guilt as well. Guilt that I could have feelings for someone other than Keith. Sex, yeah. Even though I never believed in sex to get off, it was easier thinking I could do that, rather than ever look at another man or have feelings for someone else. How could I betray Keith and what we had together? But it’s not about that. Lucas understands he’s not a replacement. I fell in love without even recognizing what was happening.”
Christ, could he get any sappier? When he sneaked a glance at Drew, his friend had a huge grin on his face.
“What a softie you’ve become.”
“Oh fuck off, D.” But they both laughed and sat in companionable silence, drinking their coffee, until the doorbell rang and Jordan knew the hardest fight of his life was about to start. His heart rate sped up. Drew squeezed his arm. “It’ll be okay. We’re all here for you.”
Jordan didn’t answer, as the nerves had taken control of his body. He wanted to throw up from fear. Through the sheer curtain covering the glass-fronted door, he could see Tash standing on the stoop, a large satchel in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other.
Here goes nothing. Mustering a smile, Jordan opened the door. “Good morning. Come on in.”
