“Jordan? What’s going on?”
Between the rushing of blood in his ears and the pounding of his heart in his chest, Neil’s words echoed as if from far away. Luke’s movements were sluggish, as if he were walking through sticky molasses. By the time he reached Jordan and Neil, the two men were in the middle of a vehement argument.
“I didn’t know what he had in the bag, Neil. I swear.”
“What were you doing out here? I thought you’d be inside with your friends and everyone else who came to see the center’s grand opening.” Neil stood, arms folded, glowering at Jordan.
The door opened, and when Luke glanced over his shoulder, Drew, Ash, and the rest of their friends were streaming into the alley. Dismissing them from his mind, he slid his arm around Jordan’s shoulders. “Hey, Prep School. I was worried about you.”
Neil thrust a plastic bag into Luke’s face and shook it. Pills, little yellow ones like Jordan had sworn he’d given up, rattled against each other. “No need to worry about our Jordan. He’s got everything under control, right?”
Luke blinked, astonished at what he was looking at. “Jordan? What are those?” He reached over and plucked the bag from Neil’s hand. “These aren’t yours, right? Tell Neil. You gave the pills up.”
Then Luke saw it. The slight hesitation, a slip of the mask Jordan wore, revealing the ugliness of his addiction underneath. Jordan’s gaze skittered away from Luke’s demanding glare.
Jordan licked his lips. “I’ve been trying. I wanted to tell you. It’s so hard to give them up, but—”
Luke crushed the bag between his fingers. “But what? You figured I’d never find out? That you could continue playing me and everyone else around you like a fool, risking not only your life but the lives of patients as well?” Luke threw the bag at Jordan’s face. “You lying bastard.”
“Now, wait a minute.” Drew pushed past him to stand by Jordan’s side. He draped a protective arm around Jordan, who sank into Drew’s shoulder with a shudder. “You aren’t being fair to Jordan. Give him a chance to explain.”
“Explain what? That he’s an addict? You know…” Luke paused and scrubbed a palm over his face before continuing, directing his speech toward Jordan. “I asked you how everything was. We talked about how you’d kicked the pills, and not once in the two months since I’ve been back—that we’ve practically been living in each other’s pockets—did you think to mention you were having trouble? Didn’t you think I’d help you? Fuck it. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
“Lucas, please let me explain.”
“Now?” Luke snorted with incredulity. “Because you got caught? I should’ve known better than to get involved with you. You’re a selfish, self-absorbed liar.”
Ash grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him hard enough so he stumbled back a few steps. “Stop it, Luke. You have no right to say that about Jordan. If you cared about him, you’d try and help him, not cut him down when he’s hurt and vulnerable.”
Luke could hardly believe what he was hearing. Jordan, hurt and vulnerable? He was the one who’d been lied to, the one who’d risked everything. Jordan had everyone: his family, his friends—shit, he even had Ash on his side. Luke had no one, nothing left. Even his heart no longer belonged to him since he’d lost it to Jordan.
“It figures you’d back him instead of me, the brother you claimed to care so much about.” Luke shoved Ash backward, then bent at the knees in a fighter’s stance, his fists slightly raised. Best to be prepared for anything where Ash was concerned. “I should’ve known better than to think for a minute you’d stand with me.” Unexpectedly, Luke’s voice caught in his throat, and he choked.
Fuck. The last thing he needed was to show he cared, even though the ache in his chest made it difficult for him to breathe. Luke’s eyes locked with Ash’s, and Luke saw not only pain but pity residing in Ash’s knowing silver gaze.
“I’ve always been on your side, whether you believe me or not. You won’t give me a chance to talk to you, like now you won’t give Jordan a chance. It’s what you do, Luke. Rather than deal with the problem, you run away from it and hide.”
The fuck he did. And who was lecturing him? The goddamn king of disappearing acts.
Jordan spoke up for the first time. “Ash, I don’t need your help.” A muscle twitched in Jordan’s jaw as he shook off Drew’s arm, which remained around his shoulders. “Lucas, please. I’m not an addict, for Christ’s sake. I caught that kid back here and when I approached him, he tried to sell me that stuff. I’ll admit I still struggle with the pills, but I’ve cut down on them.” Jordan grasped Luke’s arm and pulled him away from the crowd of people, but Luke resisted.
“It all makes sense now to me, you know? The shaking hands, the shifting moods. You craved the drugs, not me. It’s never been me, has it?” Luke folded his arms in front of him.
A horrified expression crossed Jordan’s face. “That’s not true. I’ve never faked my feelings for you.” With a shaky hand he touched Luke’s chest. “Don’t you know by now what you mean to me?”
Emotions tore through him as he batted away Jordan’s arm. “No. I know how the drugs make you think you feel. But you haven’t been clean since I met you, right?” He grabbed Jordan by both arms and pulled him up against his chest. “Have you?”
Gone was the image of the sophisticated doctor who cared little of anyone’s opinions but his own. All the arrogance had drained out of him, as well as the sense of laughter, which had only recently returned to his eyes. Shadows bruised underneath his lashes, and Jordan’s once fine, pale skin creased rough and coarse. Yet despite Luke’s furious anger at Jordan, Luke still wanted him and craved the touch of his mouth, knowing how soft and full Jordan’s lips were and the warm scent of Jordan’s smooth skin. Even now, Luke’s fingers clenched around the leather of Jordan’s jacket to hold him close, though he wanted to push him away. Luke’s heart began to pound in heavy thumps. If they weren’t surrounded by all these people, he’d ram Jordan against the wall, rip his pants down, and swallow Jordan’s cock down.
“Shit.” With a smothered curse, he flung Jordan away from him. “You need to get back inside and pretend everything is fine for the sake of the center. Keith’s memory shouldn’t be tarnished by your behavior.”
His body slammed into the wall, and Jordan’s outraged, snarling face crowded mere inches from Luke’s own. “You miserable fuck. Don’t you dare speak about Keith.” Jordan’s hot breath blew damp across Luke’s face. “Who the hell are you to lecture me about his memory? Who the hell do you think you are?”
Luke thrust Jordan off him as cold spilled through his veins. Only pride and years of fending for himself kept him from falling apart like a house of cards in the wind. “I’m nobody. Nobody at all.” Without a backward glance, he strode out of the alley, back into the center, not stopping until he pushed open the glass-front doors to the street. Luke balled his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn’t until the cool air hit the wetness on his face that he realized he was crying.
Chapter Sixteen
The dead silence echoed loudly in the darkness after Lucas left. Jordan braced himself against the crumbling facade of the building. The only thing he could concentrate on was not falling to his knees. Jordan’s brain couldn’t process what had happened with Lucas.
