“There were some strange looks he’d give me every once in a while, lingering glances that creeped me out. But nothing physical from him; he saved that for our foster mother, beating her whenever he felt like it. I’d heard talk that Munson liked young boys, and that the police even talked to him about it. But you know small towns. Nothing ever came of it, but I knew after that to watch out for Brandon, since he was so young.”
“Lucas.” Jordan touched his shoulder, but Lucas flinched, his handsome face dark and grim with anger.
“You asked, remember?” Lucas spat out. “Well, there it is. I’m positive Ash knew what that man was capable of. I’d bet my life it’s why he left in the first place. How do you leave and turn your back on people you swore to love and protect?”
Jordan’s heart shattered as Lucas wrenched away from him and stalked to the opposite side of the room. It was impossible not to feel for this broken man, who despite numerous protests to the contrary did still care. After almost a year without his friends, Jordan knew the opposite of love wasn’t hate. The two emotions were too entwined to be separated. No, the opposite of love was indifference. Nothing was worse than a person who simply didn’t care enough to have any feelings at all.
Lucas rounded on him, anger dripping from his words. “And who are you to talk? You cut your friends out of your life.”
Jordan smiled. “Not anymore. We made up while you were gone. They were here earlier, and we had a long talk.” It felt so good to say it, and earlier this evening, when Drew and Mike were over, it was like old times. They’d caught up on each other’s lives, and Mike told them he planned to ask Rachel to marry him. He was so obviously in love with her, and Jordan couldn’t have been happier. His friend deserved every bit of happiness life had to offer after almost dying in Iraq. And Rachel was perfect for him. Sometimes you didn’t see what was best for you, even when it had been with you all the time.
However, the reason why he’d asked them to come over, the help he’d wanted from them to kick the pills, that topic he’d never found time to bring up. Truthfully, he was ashamed and embarrassed. He’d always been the strongest, the one they turned to for help. Plus, it wasn’t the right time, with Mike talking about marrying Rachel.
You’re such a chickenshit. You know if Lucas finds out you’re still taking the pills, he’ll never forgive you for lying.
It wasn’t as though he’d lied outright. He was trying to quit, and he had cut down, although taking five pills a day instead of eight wasn’t exactly telling the truth. And the fact that he was drinking more to compensate for the loss of those three pills—well, he didn’t need to go into it. Life seemed back on track now. He and his best friends were cool, and now he had a relationship to build.
Surely he could cut down on the pills. There was nothing to be anxious about anymore.
Lucas brushed his knuckles across Jordan’s jaw. “So you and Drew are back to being best friends. I admire your friendship. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you care about him.”
“We’re lucky to have each other. He thought I hated him. I never could. I mean, it’s Drew. Who could hate him?” His gaze held Lucas’s. “But that’s what happens when you let things fester and don’t talk it out.”
Lucas bent over the island, bracing his hands on the granite. “I’m happy you’re friends again and you have your support system back. But where does that leave me with Ash? I don’t want to see him or talk to him.”
“Shh.” Jordan took Lucas’s stiff, unyielding body into his arms and hugged him until he felt the tightness relax and the muscles under the thin T-shirt soften. The touch and feel of Lucas, where before it was only an impossible dream, now breathed life back into the frozen part of Jordan’s heart. Warmth and desire seeped through him as he pressed his cheek to Lucas’s, enjoying the scratch of his late-evening stubble. Feeling more alive than he had in what seemed like forever, he slipped his hands into the thick silk of Lucas’s hair, massaged his scalp in an attempt to soothe him. “We’ll work it out; I promise. Right now I don’t want to think of anyone else but you and me.”
Like a big cat stretching in the sun, Lucas rubbed his head against Jordan’s palms. “I think I like the sound of that. You and me. I’ve never had to think of anyone else before, so you’ll have to teach me.” He laid his head on Jordan’s shoulder.
A promise of a lifetime. An emotion he didn’t dare dwell on yet took root within Jordan, planting seeds of hope and courage. Keeping Lucas’s trust was of the utmost importance in their relationship. Even Keith had never needed him like this. Jordan had always been the dependent one in their relationship, the one who required “fixing,” but now with Lucas, they both were damaged to some extent. “We’ll teach each other.” He kissed Lucas and closed his eyes for a moment.
Please give me strength to kick this thing. Don’t let me screw this up.
With reluctance, he pulled out of Lucas’s embrace and put the salad bowl on the table. “How about we eat now? Then we can have our coffee and dessert upstairs.” Instant desire sparked in Lucas’s eyes, kindling an answering fire within him.
“How about we go upstairs and leave everything?” Lucas advanced, caging him between his arms against the large granite island. At the first touch of Lucas’s lips on his neck, Jordan moaned, the licks of Lucas’s tongue creating a delicious friction. At a sharp nip from his teeth, Jordan hissed and dropped the cutlery he held in his hand. His cock stiffened, and all reason fled his mind.
“What? Yeah, let’s go.”
Lucas roughly yanked him against his hard, broad chest. “I like it when you’re agreeable, Prep School. Come on, then.” Lucas led him out of the kitchen after turning off the oven. They walked up the stairs, but with Lucas massaging his shoulders and kissing the back of his neck, Jordan’s legs were anything but steady. The heat from Lucas flowed off him like waves.
Jordan halted at the doorway to his bedroom.
Lucas sighed and placed a restraining hand on Jordan’s shoulder. “If you don’t want—”
Exasperated, Jordan snapped. “Okay, look, you need to stop thinking that every time I hesitate a moment, I don’t want you or I’m changing my mind.” He saw a hint of a smile on Lucas’s lips, but continued. “I want you, goddamn it. And when we’re together in this bed, there won’t be anyone else with us. Not Keith, not Ash. No one. Understand?”
Lucas nodded and smiled, curling his hand around Jordan’s bicep. “I never doubted that. I’m smiling because you’re a totally different person when you let yourself go.”
“Is that good or bad?” Jordan held his gaze.
Lucas’s mouth covered his in a soft, sweet kiss. “It’s good. So very, very good. It makes me wonder what else you’ve got hidden inside you.”
That slow, sexy murmur in his ear nearly undid Jordan. How long had it been since he was held? They stood, two seemingly lost souls who’d been bent by the storms in their lives, yet both found the resiliency and strength to survive and not become broken beyond repair.
Jordan tugged him into the bedroom. “If you’d come in I’ll show you.”
“You’re also hot when you’re annoyed.” Lucas’s lips skimmed Jordan’s cheek, stopping at the shell of Jordan’s ear. “Makes me hard.”
