Jordan’s hands faltered, then proceeded to perform wicked twists and turns, his fingers dancing and stroking up and down the lengths of their hard shafts. Luke knew it was only a matter of time before he blew up and incinerated. The heat of their bodies and the sounds of their naked skin, slick and wet, set his blood on fire. “Oh God, don’t stop.” His breath rasped in his throat as his body tightened, and his cock began to throb.
“That was very romantic, Lucas. I didn’t think you had it in you. I didn’t know where I stood.” Jordan’s lips rested against the corner of Luke’s mouth, planting small kisses on his lips. “If it’s true, it means everything to me.”
Kissing Jordan right now was all he could think of. Unable to speak with the conflicting emotions running through his mind, Luke bent and captured Jordan’s soft, yielding mouth. Everything melted away: his fear of commitment, the self-imposed loneliness, and the walls he’d built so strong and high to keep everyone else out. Nothing else mattered but this man and how right he felt in his arms.
The scent of Jordan, mingled with the warmth of their bodies and the sharp tang of sweat and sex, was a drug he didn’t mind being addicted to. The kitchen walls swam before his eyes as his vision blurred. Strong hands continued to massage his cock and his balls. That soft skin over his hardness felt tender, each touch sending waves of aching pleasure through him, so strong it was almost painful.
His orgasm barreled down on him, splintering him, jetting streams of creamy ribbons overflowing onto their stomachs. Unable to stand, he sagged into Jordan’s arms. To his shock, tears rolled down his face. He found himself gasping for breath.
“I’ve got you, Lucas. Let go of your past and hold on to me. I won’t let you fall.” Jordan held him, slipping his arms around his waist, heedless of the sticky mess that lay between them.
“I’m okay. I didn’t know. I didn’t…” Embarrassed at his outburst of emotion, he tried to pull away, but Jordan refused to let him go.
“What didn’t you know?”
How could he put it into words? All the sex forced on him at such a young age had crushed his dreams. The nights spent with those anonymous truckers had shattered his illusions even further about what sex and love were. Sex for him revolved around the moment, the hard flash and burn, the want and need that came and went with the wind, leaving no mark of remembrance. And love? There was never any thought or mention of the word. Love wasn’t present in the dirty back roads and dimly lit truck stops where Luke had been shaped into the man he’d been for the last ten years.
“I’ve never been with someone I’ve wanted as much as you. And even now, now that we’ve had sex, it’s not enough. I…I want more. I want to be with you again and again, and it fucking scares me to death because I don’t know what to do.” He sank into a chair, his legs still wobbly.
“What we do is take it as it comes, one day at a time. I want to be with you too, and believe me, that scares me almost as much.”
“Are you sorry with what’s happened between us?” Although it hurt his heart, Lucas needed to know. “Because of Keith and it being too soon?”
To his relief, Jordan smiled and bent over to kiss him on his mouth. “No, I’m not. It’s more than two bodies having sex for me, and I think for you as well. But we don’t have to go there yet.”
Once again Jordan kissed him, a sweet brushing together of their lips. He smoothed back the curls that Luke could never keep out of his eyes. “I count myself lucky beyond words to have found you, but no one knows where time will take us. For all those months after Keith died, I lived in a black void, unable to move forward. Though I’d never give up what I had with him, it’s time for me to live again.”
Jordan played with his hair, winding the curls around his fingers. Luke never would’ve suspected the man could be as gentle and loving as he was right now. The facade of pride and arrogance had to be strictly for show, for work purposes.
“I don’t think anyone should ever make you try and forget him; yet, selfishly, I’m glad you want to move ahead.” Luke gulped. “With me.”
This baring of souls was hard. It was easier to stay home every night in his apartment and watch television, pretending his loneliness didn’t exist, venturing out only for occasional, hurried sex to satisfy a physical need, nothing more. But now he’d had a taste of what he’d missed all these years. Companionship, family, friends.
Love.
Luke’s thoughts came up short. It was way too soon for that emotion to rear its ugly head. He went searching for his pants and pulled them on. Jordan handed him a warm, damp washcloth to wipe himself up with. “Thanks. How about we have that late dinner now? We’ll have to reheat the food, but it’ll still be good.”
Jordan nodded, and side by side they puttered about in the kitchen, Luke learning where everything was kept, taking orders from Jordan about what to do. He was surprised at Jordan’s adeptness as he watched him chop greens and prepare a salad, complete with homemade dressing. “Hey, Prep School, I thought you’d only know how to make a reservation. When did you learn to cook?”
“I always enjoyed it. Frees my mind after a stressful day.” Jordan swept the vegetables from the cutting board into the large bowl and mixed them with the salad greens.
There was something sensual about the way he handled the knives, a strength and sureness that Luke understood came from Jordan’s surgical abilities. It mesmerized him, and he didn’t even realize it until Jordan snapped his fingers in front of his face.
“Lucas,Lucas, what’s going on? I’ve been speaking to you, and you’re in a daze.”
“Hmm, what? Oh sorry.” Not really. He’s been thinking how quickly they could eat and then maybe go upstairs. To bed. “What is it?”
Jordan had already put away the knives and set the salad on the table. All that was needed was for the food to get hot enough. After wiping his hands on a dish towel, Jordan sat next to him and took his hands. “Tell me what happened between you and Ash. Talk to me. Let me in already. Doesn’t it get lonely living in the dark? Are you going to spend the rest of your life in the shadows?”
Luke tensed, but Jordan held tight, forcing him to stay, not run and hide from the past like he normally did. If anyone could understand, maybe it was Jordan. The honesty and tenderness in those blue eyes were for him. It hit him then that maybe he didn’t need to face life alone anymore.
Did it make him weak that he’d do anything for Jordan, to see him happy?
Chapter Thirteen
Lucas pushed away from him and went to stand by the large back windows to stare into the black of the night. “He left us. He left us alone with a monster, and he knew it. I can’t ever forgive him for that. It doesn’t matter that I almost died, abandoned in a hospital. Left to live on my own, not even eighteen years old. That wasn’t the worst part even, if that makes any sense to you. What hurts the most is that after he left, Ash never tried to find out what happened to us. And when I lost Brandon, I had no one. I didn’t care anymore. I still don’t.” Lucas stood shaking, his hand trembling on the window.
“Did your foster father ever touch you, force himself on you? Talk to me. You know I’ll never judge you.” The pain on Lucas’s face shredded Jordan’s heart.
