The raw honesty in Lucas’s confession touched Jordan. “Why, Lucas? Why did you do it? I’m not angry; you must know that.”
Lucas shrugged. ”I don’t really know. I came inside and heard the shower running upstairs.” A sideways glance revealed a glint of something in those changeable eyes.
Jordan’s breath stilled, yet his heart thumped in his chest. “And?”
Lucas swallowed. “And the thought of you upstairs, naked and wet, turned me on like nothing ever had. I had to see you, touch you”—Jordan’s eyes closed at the touch of Lucas’s palm—“taste you.” Lucas’s heated breath whispered over Jordan’s cheeks. “After this afternoon I felt so close to you, closer than I ever have to anyone in my life.”
“I did too, Lucas. For the first time in almost a year, I felt alive.” Jordan opened his eyes and smiled.
His heartbeat slowed as Lucas’s strong fingers caressed his jaw. Something had shifted today, when they were out there on Esther’s porch. It frightened him yet reminded him of what life had to offer, and maybe it was time to take that first step. He breathed in the subtle scent of Lucas, thoroughly male and completely intoxicating.
The look on Lucas’s face, one of yearning and desire, sparked an answering throb in Jordan’s chest. It hurt for a moment, this realization that he was moving on with his life, going forward and leaving pieces of himself behind. But those broken and damaged pieces weren’t meant to be salvaged and reused. They belonged in the past, to a memory so sharp and beautiful he didn’t need to replicate it. What he needed were new, fresh memories. Clean, unbroken lines.
A new life and, perhaps, a new love.
“I want you.” He could no longer keep inside what was in his heart.
Lucas froze, halting his soft strokes.
This time Jordan reached out and took the initiative. He stood and, with his hand curled around Lucas’s bicep, pulled Lucas with him. Swaying together, their bodies barely touching, was exquisite torture. He repeated himself. “I want you. I may not be ready for everything, but I want to hold you and touch you.”
After a few moments of silence, Jordan’s nerves escalated along with his rising embarrassment. Had he so grossly misread the situation?
Acting on emotion alone, Jordan drew Lucas into his arms and breathed a sigh of relief when Lucas gripped him tighter. Their cheeks touched, and Jordan could feel lips against his cheek, so warm, so soft.
So alive.
“I want you too. I’ve never wanted anyone else in my life the way I want you.” Lucas’s voice rumbled against his jaw, deep, calm, and comforting.
Several moments passed, and the only sound was their mutual breathing. Even the dog understood their need for solitude and had left. Without hesitation, Jordan took Lucas’s hand and mounted the stairs, leading him back up to the second floor. At the doorway to his bedroom, he stopped and squeezed Lucas’s hand. “After Keith died, I couldn’t bear to sleep alone in our bed, so I moved it to the other bedroom and bought a new one.” Waves of Lucas’s chestnut curls fell over his eyes, and Jordan couldn’t help but brush them back. Any excuse to touch.
He led Lucas across the bedroom to the king-size four-poster bed and sat. Jordan patted the space next to him. “You are the only person, aside from myself, to ever be in this bed. I wanted you to know that, so you wouldn’t think there are any ghosts between the two of us.”
Lucas joined him on the bed. “I’m glad you told me.” Lucas smiled and touched Jordan’s face, then tangled his hand in Jordan’s hair, pulling him close. “Because when I kiss you and touch you, the only one I want you thinking of is me.” Lucas bent his head and took Jordan’s lips in a bruising kiss, claiming him.
And Jordan knew right then, he was Lucas’s.
Chapter Ten
Sweet. So damn sweet. Dizzy with desire, Luke spun out of control as he fell back on the bed. He still held on to Jordan’s tight, slim body, their lips never breaking contact until Luke murmured, “Are you nervous?” He hoped the answer was no, though the pounding of Jordan’s heart resonating against his palm answered that question. “You don’t need to be. We don’t have to do any more than this if you don’t want.” Jordan’s heady scent, a mix of his light aftershave and warm, soft skin, filled Luke’s senses. “It’s all up to you. Whatever you want to give to me is what I’m willing to take.”
Jordan blinked, pale blue eyes shining like twin flames in the glow of the early evening twilight. “I have everything I want right here with me now. All I want is you.”
Luke swallowed hard as unfamiliar emotions swelled in his chest. He’d never had to concern himself with feelings, his own or others. The only men he’d been with in recent years were hurried blowjobs in a club. He didn’t want to remember what he had to do after he’d been released from the hospital and left Georgia, but couldn’t help it as the memories flooded through him. The truckers and the men who had offered him rides up to New York City were friendly as all get-out when he first joined them. Then they became blatant about their expectations. At the first request for sex and his refusal, the trucker merely dumped him by the side of the road. The next time Lucas was given drugs that left him sick and shaking, unable to resist when the trucker pulled his pants off and flipped him over. The next night he was left in the dark of the woods along the highway.
The next day, when an expensive car pulled over and the man, dressed in a suit with a smile and a kind face, offered him a ride, he’d jumped.James, call me Jameswas a pharmaceutical salesman and spent half the year on the road. Several hours later they pulled off into the woods, and the man had faced him and calmly stated that Luke could either blow him voluntarily or be shot full of whatever concoction he’d come up with and get fucked. His choice. Luke had complied, tears running down his face.
Each experience had caused him to build up a little more of a stone facade around his heart until he decided it was no longer worth the effort and the risk. When he made it to Washington DC, he’d resorted to begging on the streets for money rather than giving another blowjob, ever. As soon as he raised the fare for one of those cheap buses and some extra cash for food, he’d left that life behind, determined no one would take advantage of him again. Once he reached New York City and met Wanda at the shelter, he knew he had to make something of himself and get an education so he would never be dependent on anyone again. He never touched drugs, no matter how often they were offered. Even an aspirin was off limits as far as he was concerned.
“Lucas, where’d you go?” Jordan rolled off him, resting by his side.
Once the warmth of Jordan’s body left his, Luke felt bereft, as if he was missing something of importance. “Don’t. I like the feeling of you on top of me.” He reached around and snuggled Jordan back into his chest, giving him the opportunity to bury his lips in the man’s silky golden hair. When he was young and still dreamed of love, he’d ached for a time like this with a lover, skin to skin and heart to heart.
“You seemed so far away, like you were thinking of something unpleasant.” Jordan’s lips moved against his shoulder. “Can I ask, was it about Ash?”
Shit. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He should be making love to Jordan, not thinking of his mistakes. With a quick twist of his body, Luke rolled over and caged Jordan between his arms, his knees braced on either side of Jordan’s slim hips. The man’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move.
“I’m not here to talk about him.” That bastard would not invade his time with Jordan. A deliberate slide of his groin over Jordan’s left them both shaking with desire. “I don’t want to talk at all.”
