He handed the leash to a silent Lucas, who stood off to the side, then walked into Esther’s open arms. “I’ve missed you.” He gathered her into his arms, careful not to squeeze her too tight, but she was stronger and fiercer than he remembered, and pulled him close.
“Oh my darling boy. Not a day’s gone by since that horrible night that I haven’t thought about you.” Her tears wet his sweater, but he didn’t care as he rocked her against his chest.
“It’s been so hard, you know?” he whispered into her hair, but she heard him as she nodded but said nothing. “I’m trying, though. Not to forget, never to forget him, but to live with the loss. That’s good, right?”
Esther tipped her head back and wiped her tears as she gazed at him. She’d lost her whole family in the Holocaust before she came to this country, so Jordan figured if anyone knew how to deal with senseless death, she did. “You’ll never forget. You shouldn’t, sweetheart. But you must go on living to prove that their death wasn’t meaningless and that your life was made better for knowing them. That you learned and grew from having shared your time on earth with them.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “He would’ve wanted that. Your young man would never want you to live a cold and unremarkable life. You were made for better things than that, my darling boy.”
Without thinking, he caught Lucas’s eyes and held them for a moment, then returned his attention to Esther. “Thank you. It’s one day at a time, still.”
She patted his shoulder. “I understand. Now who do we have here?”
Jordan slipped his arm around her slender waist as she turned in his arms to face Lucas and the dog. “This is Sasha. I adopted her a few weeks ago. I always wanted a dog, and now, well…” He let the sentence die off.
Sasha licked Esther’s hand and sat at her feet as if she understood how important Esther was.
“She’s very sweet, but I wasn’t talking about the dog. Who is this handsome young man?” From over her shoulder she fixed him with a funny smile before facing Lucas again. “I know I’ve never seen you before.”
“Hello, ma’am. My name’s Lucas. Lucas Conover. Jordan and I work together on the foundation that Keith set up.” He held out his hand, and Jordan was amazed to note how nervous Lucas looked. He didn’t miss the assessing smile that curved Esther’s lips either. “I’d like to wish you a happy birthday as well.”
“Oh, how lovely to meet you, Lucas, and thank you. This may be one of the best birthdays I’ve had in years.” She tucked her hand into his arm and tugged him. “Why don’t you come with me to the kitchen, and I can get you something to drink and a snack? Coffee, tea? A beer, perhaps? Do you like chocolate chip cookies?” They walked down the hall, Esther’s light voice doing most of the talking, only occasionally interrupted by the deeper, smooth tones of Lucas.
Sasha, off her leash now since she was inside, followed Esther and Lucas to the kitchen as if sensing where the good stuff was. Jordan took off his jacket and hung it over the bannister. Mike and Rachel stayed in the hallway with him.
“He seems nice, Jordy. How long have you two been together?” Rachel gave him an encouraging smile.
“We’re friends, Rach. That’s it. He was Keith’s financial adviser and CFO of the foundation. Plus we go to the gym together.” He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, rocking back and forth on the balls and heels of his sneakers.
Mike barked out a laugh. “You, going to the gym? That’s funny.”
Jordan bristled. “Why? What’s so funny about me at the gym?” His hands ached, and his mouth tasted like dust. He needed a drink or another pill. Or both. He’d taken three this morning, and already the effect was wearing off. Brushing aside the thought that maybe he was becoming too dependent on the pills, he growled again at Mike. “You don’t see me as able to work out?”
Mike held up his hands in self-defense. “Whoa, don’t take my head off. It’s only that you never went before. I never knew you were into working out.”
“I’m using it as a sort of therapy. Work your body and you’ll feel better about your life.”
Rachel smiled and placed her hand on his arm. “That’s true, you know. I fully believe that the body and the mind need to be in tune.”
“Speaking of bodies, where the hell is your brother? He’s never usually late.” Jordan checked his watch, noting it was twelve thirty. “Davis is coming as well, right? They’re still together?”
“Yes, Jordan. They’re still together.” Rachel shook her head, giving him an exasperated look. “I don’t know why you have such a bug up your butt about Ash. He and Drew are insanely happy.”
At my expense. His heart dropped to his stomach as the mind-set he’d been unable to let go echoed in his head. He’d never voiced his anger to anyone, never could, but it remained there, as deep and wide as the ocean.
Because of Drew’s stupid, impetuous behavior, Keith had died, and Jordan didn’t have the guts to talk to Drew about it or even fully face it in his own mind.
“Whatever. The guy annoys the shit out of me.” Jordan looked up at the sound of the front door opening, and as if on cue, in walked his nemesis, Asher Davis.
His large, imposing presence filled the room. The hard mouth and glittering ice-gray eyes that made defendants quake in their shoes when he faced them in court were nowhere in evidence whenever he was with Drew. Instead his face radiated happiness, warmth, and love.
What Jordan once had and now was gone.
“Who annoys the shit out of you, Peterson? Not me, I’m sure.” Ash’s smirk showed he knew exactly whom Jordan had been speaking of.
Choosing to ignore Ash like he always did, Jordan greeted his friend. “Hey, Drew, what’s up? How’s the clinic going?” Though Jordan had shown up and taken on several easy orthopedic issues, the thought of going back to a full surgical schedule put him in a panic. Once again, his thoughts strayed to the yellow pill he had in his jacket pocket in case the day became too overwhelming for him.
Drew hugged him, then took off his jacket and tossed it over Jordan’s on the bannister. “It’s great. The donations keep coming in, and the new doctors are working out great, although the orthopedists keep asking for you. They all hoped to be working with you.” Drew’s calm green eyes held his. “Do you think you might put in more regular hours in the near future? You don’t have to answer me today.” Drew rushed onward, before Jordan had a chance to respond in the negative. “Promise you’ll give it a thought, okay?” His kind smile had Jordan nodding in agreement. He rarely could refuse Drew. The man was too good-natured to say no to.
“Glad to see you’ve come out of exile to join us all, Jordan. For some reason Esther’s missed you.” Ash looked around. “Where is she? We brought her birthday cake.”
