And Carter happened to push all his buttons despite Reed’s self-awareness that sex with a stranger wasn’t his norm. He believed in getting to know a person first and spending time together before getting physical. Frustrated with his rational head warring with his suddenly enlivened libido and emotions he normally managed to keep under control welling up in his chest, he knew he was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. He needed to get out, away from the bar for a moment.
“Damn it.” He banged his fist on the register. “Clay, I’m going out back for a minute.”
“Sure.” The second bartender shot him a worried glance. “You okay?”
The noise in his head hit him from all sides, buffeting him back and forth until he didn’t know where he was going, only that it needed to be away from where he was. Without answering, he ran through the back office and out into the alley behind the bar.
Damp with sweat and shaking, Reed bent at the waist, drawing in huge gulps of the cool night air. Shit. He hadn’t had a panic attack like this in years, and it fucking scared him to death. And even as he wondered why it happened, he knew the answer. Carter. It was him, with that confident, sexy swagger, showing the world he didn’t have a care or problem. Coming back to the bar after a month, right after Reed had kicked him out of his mind, Carter blindsided him, unraveling the frayed seams of his tightly wrapped psyche.
“Fucking asshole, get a grip.” Reed fisted his hands and squeezed his eyes shut against the sting of tears. The curse of his overly emotional state struck with full force, another by-product of this illness he hated, controlling his life.
A touch on his shoulder caused him to stiffen.
“Are you all right?”
Shit. Fuck. Damn. Why the hell did he come out here?
“I’m fine.” Reed drew in a shaky breath, trying to get a handle on his swirling thoughts. “What are you doing out here, anyway? How did you get behind the bar to come back here? You’re not allowed.”
Carter’s strong arms pulled him around until they faced each other, and though Reed could see the concern in Carter’s face, he also noticed other things. Like the laugh lines crinkling out from the corner of his silvery eyes, or the way his lips curved up more on one side than the other, giving him a crooked, endearing smile.
“Says who?” That lazy grin deepened. “I don’t like people telling me I can’t do something. Makes me cranky.” He nuzzled against Reed’s neck, the scent of his warm skin flooding Reed’s senses, and to his despair his body responded.
Fighting the heated desire rising through him, Reed attempted a laugh that came out harsh and choked to his ears. “You always seem cranky.” Carter thwarted his attempt to pull away by holding him even tighter.
Humming deep in his chest as he drew his nose across Reed’s jaw, Carter’s hand skimmed lightly down his back, and despite his promise to remain strong, Reed’s vibrating body arched into Carter’s touch.
“That’s ’cause you keep saying no to me when you know you want me. As much as I want you.”
Reed slid his hands up Carter’s chest, ostensibly to push him away, yet he found himself unable to do so.
“This is crazy. You can’t show up here after a month and assume I’m going to have sex with you.” Yet even as he spoke, Reed sensed himself yielding to Carter, his body betraying the words even as they came out of his mouth. “I don’t do this sort of thing.”
“Why not?” Carter continued to hold him. “We’re not young kids screwing in the bathroom, high on whatever or drunk. We use protection, and we know what we’re doing from the start. If we’re physically attracted to each other, it’s the best thing. Sex without the hassle of a relationship. And you have to admit you’re as hot for me as I am for you.”
With that declaration, Carter kissed him, and Reed clung to his shoulders as if drowning, unable to contradict what he said. They did seem to have this crazy physical connection, and maybe what Carter said was true; a purely physical relationship was better than the emotional minefield of falling in love. All those thoughts spun in his mind as Carter took his face between the palms of his hands and proceeded to kiss him with such intensity Reed couldn’t think of anything else at all after that, except how much he wanted another night with Carter.
Chapter Three
‡
Damn, he’d almostfucked up. Carter knew Reed wanted him; that wasn’t the issue. Taking care of Jackson had attuned Carter to people’s emotional states in a way they weren’t aware, and he not only used it in business to close a deal, but to gauge the interest of the men he picked to hook up with.
In Reed’s case, the man seemed skittish as a fawn taking his first steps, and Carter knew now to play the gentle, soft seducer, rather than ravage Reed’s mouth, rendering him senseless like he wanted to, and dragging him back to the hotel. If after this conversation he could get Reed to come with him, he’d have him stay the night. It would necessitate him finding the proper place to have his morning breakfast call with Jacks, but the prospect of an entire night with Reed proved too enticing to ignore.
The one night they’d had together last month hadn’t faded into oblivion like the other hook-ups he’d had over the years. Instead of becoming restless with his usual urges, the only man he wanted to see tonight was Reed. Vividly erotic dreams had plagued him during the past few weeks, all of them involving him and Reed. He’d awaken, shaking and aroused, cursing himself for this strange obsession he’d acquired. He needed to see Reed again and hopefully get it out of his system.
Now, having Reed backed up against the brick wall of the building, his eyes hazy with desire, full mouth soft and temptingly open, Carter couldn’t imagine forgetting anything about him. Carter groaned and covered Reed’s lips again with his, kissing him, feeding off his hunger until the need to touch him crawled through his body and he was only moments away from ripping down the man’s zipper and having him up against the wall, naked and hot in his hands.
Carter broke the kiss and stood over Reed, breathing hard. Reed opened his eyes and gave Carter a hesitant, shaky smile. “Um. Maybe you’re right.” He drew a hand through the waves of his hair, and Carter wondered about the texture—silky smooth or rough and curling? He couldn’t recall and wanted the chance to rediscover.
“I am? I mean, yeah, I am.”Shit, get a grip.
“So how do we, uh, do this?”
The wind grew stronger, finding its way through the thin shell of his jacket, and Carter shivered in the chill. He didn’t relish the long, dark days of fall and winter to come. “First we go inside so I’m not freezing my ass off.”
With a firm hold on Reed’s elbow, Carter led him back to the bar, and he savored the overheated air wrapping around him. Once he sat down with a fresh iced vodka in front of him, Carter felt more in command, more like himself. Reed, stationed in his position behind the bar, gave him a wary glance but stood like a prisoner of war awaiting sentence.
