“Don’t be. The minute she walked out and left you, she became dead to me. Stop loving me—that I could handle. But how do you walk away from your child?”
“I wasn’t what she planned on.”
“No one has the right to claim perfection, and who’s to decide what’s perfect and what’s not, anyway?” His father’s grip tightened. “I wouldn’t trade one minute of you as my son for anyone else. You are my perfection, the only child I could ever want, and it hurts to think you still doubt yourself.”
He would not cry; he would not cry. Reed braved a watery smile. “I don’t know that I do. I never let other people see the real me because I’m afraid to show them who I really am.”
“Who you are is kind and loving; a wonderful son and friend; a hard worker and a person who values someone for their heart, not their bank account. If a man doesn’t want you knowing that, he’s not worth it.”
Maybe he lost out on a mother, but he certainly hit the jackpot with his father. “Thanks, Dad. I think maybe I needed to hear that right about now.”
“You want to know what I think?”
Reed extricated his hand and picked up a neglected chicken wing from Carter’s abandoned plate, then set it back down. “You need to ask? Not like you weren’t going to tell me anyway.” He licked the sauce off his fingers.
Slanting a look at his father, they shared a laugh, and Reed’s heart lifted. Whatever happened between him and Carter, he always had his father.
“Talk to this Carter; don’t be afraid to tell him everything. I saw how he watched your lips and how he focused on your eyes.” He finished his beer and laid a ten-dollar bill down. “It’s your time, Reed. Take the brass ring right in front of you and grab it tight.”
Without waiting for him to answer, his father walked away, leaving Reed with his scrambled thoughts. Mechanically, he served drinks and smiled at the customers, but when one a.m. rolled around and his shift had finished for the night, Reed grabbed his jacket with a hurried “goodbye” and knew where he was going.
***
Not quite surewhat he planned on saying when he got to the hotel room, Reed knew what he wouldn’t be doing. When he texted Carter after he left the bar to say he’d like to talk, and Carter immediately responded that he was at the hotel, Reed knew what Carter had in mind. A night of endless sex to blur reality and make everything better on the surface. Only when the dawn broke and they had to face each other, their ugly truths would remain. For Reed to move forward, the time had come to peel back the surface to expose his core; if Carter would do the same, then he recognized they had something worth fighting for.
One knock and Carter wrenched the door open. “Come on in.”
Nervous as their first time, Reed’s breath caught. Carter’s haunted eyes held his, and lines not there the last time they were together etched grooves next to his mouth.
“What’s wrong?” Reed grasped his arm. “You look awful.”
“I should be happy you wanted to talk to me, yet I’m not sure…” Carter shook off his hand and left him standing at the door to return and sit on the sofa. A half-full bottle of liquor stood on the coffee table, and Reed remembered Carter said earlier he hadn’t eaten anything.
“Are you drunk? You never ate the food I gave you at the bar.” He followed Carter but remained standing by the entrance to the small living area. This was a different room than Carter normally reserved, a bit smaller and on a lower floor, without a view of the skyline. Reed’s concentration wasn’t on hotel amenities, and he focused on Carter sitting disconsolately on the sofa.
With a wave of his hand, Carter dismissed his concern. “Nah, I had a sandwich from room service. Can you come sit down, though?” At Reed’s hesitation, he gave a rueful laugh. “Don’t worry. I said earlier it was to talk, and I meant it. I’m not going to jump you.” He patted the seat next to him. “Please?”
Relieved he wouldn’t have to waste time fending Carter off, Reed joined him on the sofa. “If you’re not drunk, I have to tell you, you look like shit.”
Carter expelled a breath and leaned back with his eyes closed. Reed took this time to study him, wondering at the measure of a man and why he, above any other, had the power to make Reed want to break his silence about his illness and tell him everything.
“I fucking hated these past weeks. All I imagined was you hooking up with someone else, and it drove me crazy. I know I don’t own you and have no right to feel that way, but I can’t help it.”
With his heart hammering in his chest, Reed fidgeted with his hands, wrapping and rewrapping the cords of his bracelet around his fingers, but even this didn’t soothe him like it normally did.
“You’re not saying anything new, though. I wasn’t happy either, thinking of you here with another person. That doesn’t mean I can continue on the way we have.”
Carter opened his eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, was it? We were supposed to hook up and then forget about each other.”
Reed smiled sadly. “You’re kind of an unforgettable guy.”
Carter tilted his head on the sofa pillow, and their eyes met. “So are you.”
Silence shimmered between them like heat rising from the ground on a summer day. Reed’s heartbeat thundered in his head.
“What do we do about it? Anything?” He wet his lips. “Or nothing and say goodbye?”
Carter inhaled deeply, his fingers curling into fists at his side. “I’m going to tell you something that might upset you. If you still want me afterward,”—his unexpectedly shy, endearing smile ripped through Reed—“we can see about moving forward.”
