Reed wondered if there would ever come a time when he’d breach that impenetrable wall Carter trapped himself behind. Perhaps a day like he’d planned, free of anything except living in the moment, would be the balm to soothe Carter’s troubled soul and give him some much needed calm.
He held out his hand. “Yeah, come on, let’s go.”
They walked out of the suite, zipping up their coats, and Carter asked, “By the way, where are you taking me?”
“Trust me?” Reed pushed the elevator button, then leaned against the wall, holding Carter’s dark gaze.
Carter quirked a brow, then shrugged. “Sure. How bad could it be?”
They descended in the elevator to the lobby, and Reed decided to splurge on a cab when they reached outside. The air flowed past them, bright and chilly, and he didn’t relish being half frozen before they reached their destination. Besides, Carter normally paid for practically everything on their weekends together, and it chafed him to continually accept his generosity. Even though it was something as minor as a cab ride, Reed looked at it as something small he could do for them both.
“Rockefeller Center, please.” He spoke into the little plastic divider to the cabbie, who wordlessly nodded and took off.
“You’re kidding me, right?” The disbelief in Carter’s voice rang out in the back seat of the cab.
It was the response he’d expected, which was why he’d kept it a secret until Carter sat trapped with him in the midst of crowded Saturday traffic.
“No. We’re going to look at the tree and then go ice-skating at the rink. Be total tourists in our hometown.”
“I’ve never seen the tree or even bothered to go near Rockefeller Center during the holiday season. Way too crowded from what I see on TV.”
How sad. In addition to going to parades and zoos, every winter he and his father would make the pilgrimage into the city to see not only the tree in all its glory at Rockefeller Center, but the holiday windows along 5th Avenue, ending up ice-skating at the rink and then sipping hot chocolate in the café.
“Well, today that’s about to change.”
Carter scowled but said nothing, falling back against the seat in a huff while Reed studied his uncompromisingly hard face. He didn’t believe Carter was truly angry; more likely, he didn’t like having the decision-making power wrested from him. It didn’t take Reed long to figure out even in their brief times together that Carter lived a very orderly, rigid life. His willingness to submit in the bedroom evidenced to Reed his inner desire to be taken care of, to give in and let others be in control.
The cab dropped them off, and after he paid the fare Reed stood for a moment, amazed by the sheer enormity of the tree and the crowds surging around him, jostling him to get in a better position to take their pictures. What if the tree fell on them? It would instantly crush them all, and he’d never have fallen in love or had anyone tell him they loved him. It all closed in on him, and he began to shake.
“Are you all right?” Carter squeezed his arm, peering at him, eyes wide with anxiety. “You’re very pale and look like you’re going to be sick.”
Forcing himself to relax, Reed swallowed hard against the panic struggling to break free. His heart sank when he did a fast playback of his morning and realized he’d not only forgotten to take his medicine, but in his haste to get to Carter yesterday, he’d left it at home. He didn’t know if he’d need to make an excuse to go back sometime during the day to retrieve them or deal with the situation as best he could. Two days without his meds shouldn’t hurt him too much, but being with Carter meant he had to watch what he said every moment and that increased his anxiety. It occurred to him that this was becoming an issue whenever he saw Carter; perhaps his subconscious fought against him and sabotaged his best efforts to remain on track. Reed resolved to remember and fight against himself.
From one moment to the next, Reed could never be certain how Carter would respond in a situation, his mercurial nature making it almost impossible for Reed to figure out what went on behind those silvery gray eyes. Sometimes Reed wondered if Carter allowed anyone to see beneath the sleek and polished exterior he showed to the world.
“I’m good.”
His breathless words tumbled out, and Carter shot him a concerned look, but he didn’t say anything further, just took him by the arm and walked as close as they could get to the tree.
“It’s pretty magnificent, isn’t it? I never knew.” He took out his phone and took several shots, smiling slightly at the screen.
Reed wasn’t sure if Carter expected him to answer, but there didn’t seem to be a need to. Carter remained tapping on his phone, and Reed wondered who Carter sent the pictures to.
Hoping to lighten the mood, Reed nudged Carter’s shoulder. “Hey, how about we take one together?” He waggled his phone at Carter. “Let’s do a tourist selfie like everyone else.”
Without waiting for a response, he slipped an arm around Carter’s shoulders and took several pictures in rapid succession, as if anticipating a refusal. Shockingly, Carter not only acquiesced but mugged for the camera, making silly faces and flashing a peace sign over Reed’s head. Reviewing the pictures, seeing Carter so relaxed and happy, Reed’s heart squeezed tight, as if knowing these times were infrequent and ones to hold on to.
“Let’s go ice-skating before it gets overly crowded.” The rink, though not empty, had yet to fill up with skaters, and Reed wanted nothing to break this magical time they’d woven together.
“Okay.” To his surprise, Carter took his hand, entwining their fingers. “I haven’t been on skates in years.”
“Oh yeah?” Reed kept his tone light and teasing. “I guess I’ll be skating rings around you, then. Hope you can keep up. Will I have to pick your sorry ass up off the ice?”
Carter’s gray eyes glowed, and he yanked Reed to him, leaving Reed breathless. “I have other plans for my ass tonight. Ones that involve you getting much more up close and personal with it.” His eyes bored holes into Reed’s, daring him to disagree. As if Reed would. Or could. The darkness usually lurking within Carter had transformed into something more tangible and alive.
Here he’d thought he’d be the one in charge this afternoon, having made all the plans, yet with a deft twist, once again Carter had come out on top. It didn’t matter to him, not with Carter smiling at him, his teeth glinting white in the frosty sun, so heartbreakingly handsome it almost hurt Reed to look at him. Like a grinning fool, he stood in the circle of Carter’s arms, oblivious to the surge of the crowd around him.
“Let’s go get the skates.” Carter broke the spell and tugged Reed forward.
