My eyebrows scrunched down in concentration, and my eyes narrowed.
The feeling was there…then gone. I wondered if I’d just imagined it, or was it…stomach stuff rumbling around?
It happened again.
“You’re either concentrating really hard to feel the baby, or you’re thinking about what you had for breakfast and wondering where it all went wrong.”
I looked up and grinned at Scarlett. “Bubbles. I felt the fluttering of bubbles, but it didn’t feel like…stomach stuff. It felt like my stomach turned into a bottle of sparking water for a second.”
She smiled at me. It was the first real smile I’d seen from her since we were left here.Same, Scarlett, same.
“That’s…the baby.” Mia popped up next to her.
“I know you both have a feeling— boy or girl.”
Scarlett looked at Mia, Mia looked at Scarlett, then they both looked at me.
“I don’t want to know…for sure,” I said. “Rocco and I agreed we rarely get good surprises in life, and this is one of them. My feeling is saying girl, but…”
“Good,” Scarlett breathed. “I have a feeling, but I’m not one hundred percent for sure, either way.”
“I’m not saying a word,” Mia said with a faint smile, and then she turned in the direction her sons went running in, her daughter on her hip.
Scarlett watched her for a moment, then took the seat beside me. “You weren’t saving this spot for anyone?”
“Someone,” I said. “But seeing as he’s not here right now, no one better to fill his spot.”
“Same,” she whispered.
Scarlett’s close presence made me think of Massimo and Chloe again. I had veered off when the bubbles took my attention, and knowing it was the baby had made feel giddy. On the other hand, my heart was yearning so badly for Rocco, I felt sick. And even though I couldn’t feel like Scarlett could, I could tell she was feeling the same way—heart sick and worrying herself to death.
I cleared my throat. “Remember when I’d asked you about Chloe and Massimo?”
If she was thrown by the change in the direction of the conversation, she didn’t show it. She nodded. “When I’d told you that what I feel isn’t always forever.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. Massimo wasn’t close, but the male Fausti hearing seemed legendary. “What did you mean by that? Isn’t always forever?”
She sighed, and her eyes turned to Massimo for a moment before she turned back to me. “I have feelings, Ari, and most of the time they’re right. But…I only know what I feel. At that moment, maybe the love between them was meant to be. I don’t know…I knew it was going to be a struggle for Chloe, and for Rosaria. I knew right away Rosaria was going to fight to the death—and she did, but in my opinion, for the wrong things. Who cares who Massimo loves? If someone makes him happy, that should be enough. As a mamma, that’s all I want for my children. To be healthy and happy.”
“Same.”
She nodded and squeezed my hand. “You’re going to be such a good mamma.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, squeezing her hand back. I didn’t have it in me to even smile. I felt too weighted down by thedistance between my husband and me. I wanted to stand, but at the same time, I needed to sit. That was my entire life as of late—I couldn’t stand to do one thing, and I couldn’t stand to do another, so I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. The only time I felt at peace, truly, was when I was on my knees in church.
Scarlett understood this.
A moment later, she popped up.
“Let’s walk.”
I nodded. “A few rounds around the trees, then let’s sit down again.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “That same restlessness is inside of me too. I don’t know what to do with it. I never have when my husband is away from me. From the very beginning, and I know it’ll be to the very end, if he isn’t close, it feels like my air is running out of my lungs, but I’m still breathing.”
My words exactly, but I couldn’t find the breath to express them. There were times when she was the same way, and I was the one filling in the silence that needed to be broken. We both stood at the same time, and we began walking at the same time. We said nothing, especially when we grew closer to Ermanno, Uncle Tito, and Massimo.
Massimo nodded to us. Ermanno turned away and began walking off. Uncle Tito took both of our hands and squeezed. When he wanted to go on walks with us, and one of the men pushed, sometimes he’d hold both of our hands as we walked. He only did that with me and Scarlett. He wouldn’t go with any of the other women when they asked. I’d catch Carmen looking at Scarlett and me from time to time with a narrowness in her eyes I’d never registered before. Juliette never seemed bothered by it.
