Rocco fixed his suit and hair as he made his way in front of me, as solemn as someone who had just been accused of murdering something vital our world needed to survive.
He stared at me, and I stared at him.
I cleared my throat, because in that moment, no matter how badly my body shook, the words had to be said. “I don’t want anyone else,” I said, my voice loud and clear, even if my knees shook. “Not before. Not now. Not ever. No matter if it has been done to me…No. No other man for me. My vows are sacred and always will be.”
My grandmother’s words echoed through the years. “There’s never a ‘but’ in love, Amora.” I knew she hadn’t meant to stay no matter what—abuse, in any form—but even then, there’s still no but.
Love doesn’t just disappear because we get hurt by the people who are supposed to love us. But loving doesn’t mean we have to stay with a clown either.
In this situation, though, I chose to trust my husband.
The furthest thing from a clown there was. He was the perfect specimen of a man who was an imperfect human being, and I knew in my heart of hearts, whatever happened wasn’t his fault.
Rocco made an inhuman noise in his throat. He picked me up, carrying me toward the door, and then his father’s voice stopped him.
“You think you are strong enough to defeat me,” he said. “We will see.”
My eyes caught Luca’s, and a chill ran down my spine.
Rocco’s reaction to what Luca had offered me made him insane, and for some reason, my father-in-law seemed satisfied to know how far Rocco could be pushed through me.
It was far enough that the colosseum on the property came to mind, and all that came with it.
Chapter 30
There's Smoke Where There's Fire; There's Ice Where There's Snow
Aria Amora
We left under the cloak of darkness to travel to Zermatt, Switzerland. A caravan of soldiers followed behind. Once we were to a certain point, Giovanni took our car and brought it to a place the Faustis owned to store it until we returned. A train had to take us to Zermatt; no cars were allowed.
Rocco seemed to be basking in this fact.
I wasn’t even sure who I was at that point. I was physically tired, like I’d never been tired before, because I was exhausted beyond the bone.
The girl’s words replayed repeatedly in my mind.Signore Rocco Fausti noticed me, as he always has, and he wanted me as badly as he wanted me before. Perhaps he was drunk and demanded that I warm his bed, after it seemed as if he and his wife were on the outs. My father-in-law’s words replayed repeatedly in my mind.There is a possibility of a pregnancy,then.
If Ita had drugged Rocco and they had…there was a possibility she and I would be pregnant at the same time.
Acid rose in my throat, and I gagged. Rocco’s eyes snapped to the female doctor who was accompanying us. I shook my head at him. “It’s the rocking of the train,” I said, which was a half-truth.
The doctor ordered me some crackers and ginger ale. I felt better after, but my eyes felt so heavy. My head fell on my husband’s shoulder, and he wrapped me in his arms, even though his lips never met my skin, and he wasn’t looking at me.
He stared out the window, his face as cold as the scene outside of the pane.
Once we arrived, all I had a chance to see was endless miles of pristine snow, the outlines of rugged mountains in the distance, and hundreds, if not thousands, of specks of tiny lights. The air felt frozen, and I cuddled up next to my husband as close as possible. I breathed him in and my heart…it finally caught up to my bravado.
It felt like it was breaking inside of my chest at the thought my husband might have fathered another child while he was out of it.
Crying wasn’t even part of the battle. No. This felt much worse. It felt like all my feelings were wet and became frozen inside of me, sticking to all my tender organs and making it hard to breathe. I forced my eyes to stay closed. I wanted to sleep. Sleep and rage and cry and rejoice and…sleep.
Sleep all the confusing emotions away.
I wanted to run to my husband. Find safety and peace in his arms. For him to tell me it all wasn’t true. He remembered exactly what had happened.
I wanted to run away from my husband and find solace in my own company, so I could think without his cologne wafting in the air and his warmth keeping the cold at bay.
By the time we entered the chalet, and he set me in the bed, I kicked my boots off and fell into a deep sleep where, even there, I couldn’t escape the hurt that felt frozen to my heart.
