“I—”
He shook his head. “It’s not a lie. You’re shining in my eyes. You can see it. Tell me.”
“I’m shining in your eyes,” I whispered.
He nodded, then leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips.
I held on to his arms. “It’s more than that,” I barely got out. “My hair. It’s—was—just like my mom’s. I don’t have anything left of her, Matteo. Nothing!” I sobbed.
It felt so good to release it, but also so tiring. I hadn’t cried this much in my entire life, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever recover from this. Matteo was making me softer, somehow, by being the hard I needed to depend on. But I wasn’t sure if he could even save me from the pain radiating from someplace deep inside of me.
He swooped me up, kept me close to his chest, and brought me to the chair in the corner. The one everyone sat on when they visited. He started to rock me, singing to me in soft Italian, and once my breathing evened and my eyes closed, he leaned over and kissed my forehead.
“Your hair will grow back, baby,” he said. “I vow to you that it will. And I vow to you I will wear the blood of your enemies on my skin. Whatever they put you through, I’ll put them through ten times worse. These are my vows to you, and they are just as strong as the wedding vows I’ll one day say to you on sacred ground.”
I reached up and touched his face. “I love you too, Matteo,” I whispered.
I love you, Matteo,The easiest four words I’d ever said.
Much too easy.
Which meant…were they strong enough, true enough, since they were so easy to say?
And if they proved to be as true as I felt they were, would those four sacred words be enough to heal me?
I hoped they would be.
Chapter 17
Matteo
Iwaited outside Stella’s room like a nervous fucking groom. She was being released from the hospital, and she was about to meet my father, but first, she was getting dressed with the women of my family. After that, mamma was holding a garden party at our house in Siena in honor of her. Mamma said it was perfect. Stella was blooming, just like her garden. She also thought Stella would appreciate staying in the same house I partially grew up in. There was something about the villa in Sienna that was homey, warm, safe.
And there wasn’t a place on earth, I was convinced, that was better for star gazing.
Mamma had a sharp memory, and she told me not long ago that when she was thinking of making it a home for her and my father, Rosaria called itdare alla luce, then told her, “It is the way the house is cloaked in total darkness at night, except for the love of the stars, and then, when the time comes for the darkness to give over to the light, she breaks free and basks in the glory of it. She gives herself over to it. She not only reflects it, she bathes in it. You see this?”
I desperately wanted Stella to see it. To feel as if she were floating in the Milky Way with me. A galaxy made for just thetwo of us.Na muri scrivutu ne stiddi, orun amore scritto nelle stelle. Our love that was written in the stars was calling us home.
My father was standing with his back against the wall, watching me pace the floor. “By the time you’re done, a contractor will have to come in and pave the holes you’ve worn.”
My eyes rose to meet his. He gave me a shit-eating grin. And I knew exactly what it meant.Get used to it. I’ve waited many times and still wait. I’m waiting right now.But I knew he was enjoying it more because I was the one wearing holes in the floor.
“You have your heart checked lately?” He grinned at me.
I gave him a narrow look, and he exploded with laughter. He pushed away from the wall and set his hand on my shoulder, squeezing. “Every time you see her come out in something new, something she wants you to love, you’ll fall even harder, even deeper, and it will have nothing to do with the clothes,” he said in Italian. “It’s the wait. It always makes us appreciate being close. The distance, even this short, is a killer.”
“If anyone ever told you that you were bad with words…lies,” I said. “You hit the nail on the head time and time again.”
He nodded. “That’s what living is about. Experiences and learning.”
The door opened, and we both looked in the same direction.
Mia smiled. “It’s eerie how you both do that. Move at the same time.”
Saverio seemed to materialize at the exact moment my sister did, and he took her hand, his eyes brightening at the look on her face and her lavender dress. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear, something that made her close her eyes and put a big smile on her face. Magpie came out next, followed by mamma. Papà met her by the door and took her hand, kissing it. I doubted she could move from his side if she tried. He alwayskept her close, so close, there wasn’t breathing room between them.
I wanted to charge into Stella’s room and grab her, sticking her to my side, my palm keeping her hip next to mine. But I refused to cross the threshold, allowing the suspense to linger. A few seconds later, I heard her heels lightly tapping, and then she made it to the door. My hand instinctually went over my heart, just like my old man did when mamma broke his heart because she was so fucking beautiful.
