“Your fear stops here,” he said, his voice strong but husky at the same time.
We hadn’t truly had a candid discussion about what happened to him and my reaction to it after. I was still holding it in, trying to suffer in silence, then just get over it. Fear, like most sicknesses, had a course. I’d always beaten it, but lately, it was starting to feel like a chronic disease.
“It’s…”
“You’re waiting for something bad to happen.” He stopped moving us, and the look on his face changed. His eyes were still wild, but the set of his face was determined. He wanted to kill whatever was causing me fear.
I’d learned that was how Big dealt with life in general. If something, even people, attempted to encroach on the safe space he’d built for himself, he’d go after it. If something made him uncomfortable, say sky diving, for example, he’d jump just to conquer it.
Because of that, I wasn’t sure if he was going to understand what I was going through or know how to help me. I took a deep breath, slowly releasing it. I looked away from him, my eyes finding Kitty on the second-floor balcony, her vintage gold silk robe billowing in the summer breeze.
It was time to give him a little honesty, though. Maybe I would feel better. Not have to carry around the pressure in my chest that kept ballooning.
“I’ve always dealt with bad things in my life, Big. I think everyone with a pulse has. Maybe not to the degree that some of us have, but life is…life, right? It comes in seasons—some good, some not so good. George and I figured that out together. We were okay with not having far to fall, because we knew where we were, in terms of what we had to lose. This is all apart from my brothers. I tried not to obsess over losing them…well, until Angelo got into trouble. But you get my point. Then…George gets sick, and you dodge death. I’m looking down now, like I’m back on the plane, and realizing how it would killmeto lose either of you. That’s how far I have to fall.”
He turned my face toward his. “Stop looking down and fix your eyes on me. You won’t need to be caught because I’ll be holding you the entire time.”
A grin came, but it hurt. “If you’re not there to?”
“I’ll be there.”
This time my smile came easier and didn’t cause as much pain. He truly believed that, and because he did, it made me believe too. I just had to find a way to stop fixating on whatcould be,and instead, concentrate onthe moment.
“I’ve never been so human before, huh?” I laughed a little when he dipped me.
“Good to know I’m not married to a cyborg.” He grinned down at me, and if he wouldn’t have been holding me, I would have hit the ground. He was so fucking overwhelming, in looks and personality.
“Were you starting to think that?” I laughed even louder, and his smile matched it.
“Your brothers and I had our suspicions. You’ve debunked them.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. I’m just glitching.”
“Not enough to cause smoke.” He chuckled. “Unless you count the bedroom.”
He kissed my hand and started to lead me toward the hotel. His steps were faster than normal, and my heart started beating to match them. I couldn’t wait to be alone with him in Portofino too. Even though we’d only been together a short time, we were starting to became so in sync, we didn’t always have to communicate with words. I wondered if fifty years from then, would we even need them at all?
I stopped his stride when we came closer to Kitty on the balcony. The light was bright, especially off the water, but by the time it made it to her, it softened. It created a halo around her, and I could have sworn she was fifty years younger. For the first time, I noticed how sad she looked. How alone. It made my heart feel heavy, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because, like Rocky had once said, Kitty was an untold story begging to be told.
It took me a second to realize Big was staring at my face. “What?” I whispered, meeting his eyes.
His fingertips skimmed my cheek, and I shivered. “I’m going to romance you so fucking hard on this trip, you’re going to go home smelling like roses.”
“Three weddings, Big.” I grinned. “Counting the one in Vegas, the one here, the one in Greece—that’s enough romance to last a woman a lifetime.”
“The entire world will know you’re mine.”
I lifted my left hand. “If this ring doesn’t let them know, my new last name does it.”
“Not enough.”
“What am I going to do with you?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question either. I had no idea how I was going to keep up with him.
A devilish smile came to his face, right before he took my face in his hands and kissed me until I had to lean into him. All I could do was sigh when we separated.
I could’ve sworn another sigh drifted down from the balcony above, but it seemed to melt with the breeze as Big picked me up and carried me inside the hotel.
CHAPTER18
