Oh God, an anguished voice inside of my head cried. I wanted to reach through time and pull that little boy close. Tell him he wasn’t dead. That he had so much life to look forward to. I wanted to tell him monsters do exist, but we could fight them off together. We all had them.
I went to open my mouth, but I couldn’t talk around the pain in my heart. Tears fell down my cheeks, cool against my overheated skin. I had to take a few deep breaths. “He stopped talking,” I barely got out.
She shook her head. “He stopped livin’.” She squeezed my hand so hard it felt like she would break my bones. “Until you.”
Chapter16
Maeve
Iran down the hill so fast, Cian had to catch me before I lost my footing and rolled the rest of the way down. After what Fiona had told me, there was an urgency to get to him. It was like nothing else I’d ever felt before.
Day by day, night by night, I was becoming as attached to him as he was to me. And whenallthe pieces clicked, just those few seconds ago, I couldn’t stop the need to be close to him. To protect him. To make him feel better.
Maybe some would call it unhealthy, our need for each other. He was afraid to lose me, and I was determined to protect him from those fears, but in my heart there was nothing unhealthy about it.
It felt right.
Like we were created for each other.
I didn’t want to be his grave, but I wanted to be the safe place he could bury himself and hide from the world. My husband could find his shelter there, like I did in his arms.
His eyes were a bit wary, though. Like he was trying to gauge my reaction to him. Then it hit me. He knew Fiona had told me what had happened, and I had a feeling he was waiting for me to agree with him. To tell him all those horrible things defined him, and his life was over, because—how could anyone live after that?
I touched his face. “Even warmer than you were yesterday.”
“You’ve been cryin’.” He set his palm against my check, his thumb stroking my clammy skin.
“I’m so sorry, Cian. About what happened to your parents. Your baby brother or sister. I’m so sorry about what happened to you.” I took a breath. “But my heart…it’s not sorry that you lived. And your parents are not sorry either. That’s what they would have wanted for you. To live. That’s what I’d want for my son.”
I took his hand and held it tight. “My dad is eccentric. Sometimes he makes no sense, while other times he’s so quiet, I wonder if he’ll ever talk to me again, but…I believed him when he told me I honor my mom by living. She lives through me. Your parents. Your brother or sister. They live through you too.”
He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my fingers, then he led me away from the hill. We were quiet as we walked the property, heading toward the same oak he’d taken me to when I first started reading to him.
I had asked Beatrice to set up a picnic for us. A blanket was spread out on the ground, and a basket full of food and drink was left on the branch I’d sat on before. I smiled when I saw my copy ofMoonlight overRum Seatucked in next to it all. Beatrice thought of everything.
It felt much cooler in the shade of the big oak. I took the basket and set it beside us on the blanket. I handed him a cold drink and a sandwich and took one of each for myself.
Words still hadn’t found us, but it wasn’t awkward as we ate in silence. This felt like the eye of life for me. A little peace amongst the outskirts of chaos. I also noticed he was eating slower, almost…mimicking me. Really enjoying the taste of all the foods and fizzy drinks.
I pulled out a small bowl of berries Beatrice had added to lunch. She had rinsed them with water, and they were as warm as the day and as a sweet as the air around us. I fed one to Cian after I realized how good they were, but my mind was elsewhere. Still with that little boy buried on the hill.
Cian setMoonlight overRum Seaon my lap. “Will you read to me again?”
“You like when I read to you?”
“It’s a thrill.”
I grinned at him. When he saidthrill, it came out astrill. He could read the dictionary to me and keep me riveted.
“Okay,” I said, “But first, I have something for you.” I’d asked Beatrice to pack them with lunch. Digging around, I found the two boxes and handed them to Cian.
He turned one over in his hand, then the other.
“Open them,” I encouraged.
He looked unsure but did. His eyes studied every facet of the two hand-carved figurines. I’d finished the Beast, and finally, he was together with his Beauty. I’d carved our wedding date at the bottom of them with our names on each one.
“I know they’re kind of childish—”
