Two weeks and a day since Cian had brought me up the hill to see the crosses. I couldn’t help but stare in that direction when we were out on the property. The days were warm and humid—sometimes it would even rain when the sun was shining—but I still felt cold when the memory took me back.
It was like it traveled with me from the haunted ballroom to the source. Where Cian’s parents and his brother or sister would forever rest.
He never told me exactly what had happened, but I’d pieced most of the story together when I stepped over that stone fence. And when he stood next to the three markers, the tattoo on his back made sense.
That was his marker.
It stood as a reminder.
He was a dead man walking.
I shivered, even though my clothes were soaked with sweat.
“Be mindful of snakes!” Beatrice shouted toward Fiona and me.
I lifted my head from the bramble around the hedgerow and dropped the wild blackberries I’d just picked into the basket. Beatrice had invited Fiona and me to pick berries while we had our book-club meeting.
It seemed like Beatrice just needed extra hands. We hadn’t discussed the book once. She hummed while she worked. Fiona was being quieter than usual. She wore what looked like a beekeeper’s outfit, hat with net and all, but all black, steadily picking berries. She reminded me of an undertaker for bees.
I’d read the book many times before—it was my favorite, the pirate story—so it didn’t matter to me if we discussed it or not. Even if it would have been a new story everyone was hyped about, I wouldn’t have had the time to read it.
Cian was keeping me…occupied lately. It felt almost impossible to disconnect from him. And being outside, distance between us, seemed to make us both anxious. Every few seconds, we’d look for each other, and our eyes would meet.
My breath caught when he felt me watching him as he fished in the lough with Keenan and my dad and looked up.
The heat streaming between us wasn’t just the weather.
It had just been an hour or two, and I couldn’t wait to be near him again.
Setting a hand on my wide-brimmed sun hat, I gave him a wave and a smile. He lifted his hand but didn’t return the smile.
I was more determined than ever to get one from him.
To get him to live again.
I just wasn’t sure how to get him down mentally and emotionally from that hill. As long as the reminder was so close, he kept returning to it.
The constant uncertainty in his eyes, even if we were only this far from each other, broke my heart.
He was afraid of losing me to an extent I’d probably never know. But I didn’t mind being near him. We just…fit, and the world was a better place when he was close. I just hoped the paranoia that pushed him so close to me all the time would ease.
What he carried around wasn’t light. I wanted to take some of that burden from him. I couldn’t promise everything would be okay, because I knew how uncertain life could be, but I could help him bear it.
“Good lookin’ lad, isn’t he?” Beatrice nudged me with her elbow and set her full basket down next to mine.
I laughed a little. “Goodis not a strong enough adjective.”
She smiled. “Could’ve used a stronger one, but I wouldn’t want to give you a swollen head, seein’ as he’s your husband and all.”
I laughed even louder. Cian’s eyes snapped up.
“Never thought I’d see the day.” Beatrice wiped sweat from her brow. “Cian O'Callaghan in love. You are his life now.”
The truth hit me square in the heart. I knew it was true, but the reminder was powerful. And maybe since Beatrice and Fiona were becoming women I trusted, they would trust me some too, just like Cian had when he’d taken me to the crosses that belonged to his family. But I wasn’t sure if he could ever put into words what had happened to them. It seemed like it was too tragic for him to articulate. He’d buried the secret and himself with it.
Maybe if they trusted me enough…
Watching as the two women continued to forage, I built up the courage to ask. “What happened to Cian’s parents and his brother or sister? I know…they’re no longer here, buried up on the hill.” I nodded toward the area. “Cian took me there. But…I don’t know what happened.”
