She laughed.
It was never a good sign when a woman laughed in that way, as if she had just skinned a cat and was about to go out on the town with its fur around her neck, blood soaking her gown.
“I do! You do not love me,bla,bla,bla. But you will, Nazzareno Fausti, you will. Love takes time to grow between two people. I love you. I loved you from the moment I looked at you. I have dreamed of a future with you. In time, you will love me the same. You will love our children and you will love their mamma for giving them to you.”
I was at a loss for words. She believed every word she had spoken. She was possessed by something words alone could not fight. I did not believe I could fight her at all—unless I planned to kill her.
“Okay.” She waved a hand in front of her face. “I will do this. For you. For us. I will allow a mistress, or two, if you do not fall in love. If it is physical alone, okay, get it out of your system. If it is more and I find out…no.” She waved her hands in front of her face. “Let us not even go there. I will be the only woman you love. And no, I will not sleep with you before the wedding to test the waters. You are in, and I will stay a virgin until the ink from our signatures has dried. Nowgo, make a man of yourself, or whatever it is they say.”
She set a hand on my shoulder and tried to push me toward the front door. I walked, but not because she forced me. She slammed it after I stepped outside.
I turned and stared at the door, not knowing what the fuck had just happened.
Make a man of myself?
Test the fucking waters?
Did we have two conversations in two different places?
Her laughter echoed back to me, and I shivered.
I sat in my car, somewhat dazed. My phone rang. I sighed and picked it up.
“My son,” my father’s gruff voice came through the line. He sounded weak. “I have not seen you.”
“I was ordered to take care of business,” I said. “Mamma has been keeping me informed. You have done well.”
“Business?” he almost scoffed. He might have sounded weak, but defeat was absent from his tone. “Does this business pertain to making an oath of fealty to your uncle?”
“I have not.”
Silence stretched between us until he spoke again. “Break your word to me and to the Buratti family and you will be forced to. This will have irreparable consequences.” He took a deep breath and sighed it out. “I will see you tomorrow.” He hung up, the silence quieter than his had been.
A knock came at my window. Elettra motioned for me to roll it down. I did, but only a crack.
Her eyes flitted to the villa and then to me. “We need to talk,” she whispered. “Take me for a ride.”
TWENTY-TWO
AVA
I wasn’tsure if there was anything lonelier than reaching out for someone who wasn’t there to hold you back. In so many ways I was hardened, strong enough that no one could get through the armor I’d built piece by piece, no place more protected than my heart. But then something special felt like it came into my life, and I opened myself up to it only for it to be snatched away from me.
The loss reminded me why it hurt to have a heart.
I was that little girl waiting for arms to hold me again, constantly looking and searching for something to desperately steal the anxiety and pain—anything.
My sister accused me of using vices to numb the pain. I’d always rolled my eyes at her and told her to go psychoanalyze someone else. Because my sister had issues too. She was addicted to chocolate. And not in the,oh, I have to have it because I love itkind of way. She was truly hooked on it. I’d seen her have a panic attack once when she thought one of us emptied her stash. She was like a woman on the worst hormonal episode of her life, times ten, and it made her mad in the head.
I’d gone out and bought her over a hundred dollars’ worth because I’d given the last of it to Minnie. She wouldn’t stop crying for Lucila and it was the only way to get her to quiet. I wasn’t good with kids, and the crying thing baffled me. Minnie did it so easily.
For me, all my emotions got stuck in my chest like I had indigestion.
The thought made me remember when that had first started. It was the day after Sonny stood up from our table and screamed at me, “SHE’S NOT COMING BACK! SHE LEFT YOU. SHE LEFT HER.” Meaning my sister. “SHE LEFT US. SHE. IS. NOT. COMING. BACK.”
I wouldn’t stop asking for my mom, and when he refused to answer me, I made up a song and sang it constantly. I even made a dance to go with it.
When he screamed the blunt truth at me, I stopped singing and dancing.
