It was because of what she had just admitted to me.
Her cries faded into the background. I could not hear over the roaring of my heart. My self-control wrapped my temper in a chokehold so I would not leave her to kill someone. One of the men who knew how she felt from the inside.
I had killed them from her memory, but hearing it made me snap. I was not a man wired to share.
She grabbed the lapels of my suit and yanked on them. “It all changed when I met you, Nazzareno. For as long as I’ve been obsessed with your family, I’ve been obsessed withyou.This is going to sound so fucking corny, but you’ve softened my rough edges, even though I never thought I needed them softened, so I don’t care how this comes out.
“I’ve always loved you. You were who I’ve been searching for. For the first time in my unsettled life, I want to be home. With you. Even if you pulled out shackles right now, I’d offer you my wristsandmy feet.But I had to tell you what kind of person I am. Because you don’t deserve to go to war over someone you don’t know. You don’t deserve to go to war AT ALL overME!”
I lifted her up, setting her over my arms, carrying her toward the door.
I did not remember the ride to the hotel.
All I remembered were the poisoned tips to her words.
THIRTY-FIVE
AVA
Of all theplaces I’d ever dreamed of visiting, Denmark had never been on the list, but if skies existed there, Nazzareno had a passport.
Which meant…the world was his.
My world is his.
I sighed out a breath and went to the window in our suite. Even in the darkness, Copenhagen seemed to be a colorful place with a lot of water, and the hotel had a chic, cosmopolitan feel to it, with the bold lines of an industrial design.
The dress I wore felt out of place here.
I felt out of place, like my bones didn’t fit inside of me anymore.
I was back to the jellyfish again.
Lifting my dress and taking a shuddering breath, I turned and stared into the darkness of our room. The only light came from outside, and it wasn’t much. Nazzareno had left me in the room after he’d set me down and disappeared. I doubted he had left me alone, but it felt like it.
Maybe he was somewhere in the expansive suite—taking or making a call again.
Or maybe he was sitting alone in the darkness, keeping distance from me.
I’d told myself before that I wasn’t going to be honest with him about the guys in my past, but I had to let him know who he was fighting for.
A woman who had been just as flaky as Janis.
All that changed when we’d found each other, but it felt right to get it off my chest. It was proof that I didn’t deserve such honor from him. It should belong to a woman who had a good heart and tender soul.
He might have softened me up some, but I was still…me.
The spawn of Janis.
I also couldn’t deny that Rosaria’s warning, about me becoming a ghost, had made me feel like I wanted to run for the first time since I’d met Nazzareno. I hadn’t, but my feet felt cold in that moment.
My mind kept trying to convince my heart that it was better to take myself out of this situation completely. If I could talk to Luca, maybe convince him this was all a big mistake…
Then again, what if I said the wrong things and made the situation worse? I wasn’t sure how much worse it could get, but there was always that chance.
I wiped my eyes, knowing I probably looked like a hot mess when I pulled back fingers stained with black mascara. He’d even wasted his money on a beauty squad for me. It was like eating an expensive meal and then drinking too much, puking it up after.
Even my metaphors were nasty. But it was the truth.
