A sob tried to break free from my chest, but I held it down. I looked him in the eyes, his face wavering with my tears.
“I kept thinking…this is how it would feel. To not be able to have him. To lose him.” I shook my head. “Papà was going to take his own life if mamma would have died…and it did something to me. Italldoes something to me. I want it. I want you so bad that my heart wants to jump from my chest into your arms. But if I say yes, I’m dooming you.”
“Be selfish,” he said. “Be selfish with this. I am.”
He let me turn my face, and I took a second to compose myself.
“It’s why I started dancing,” I said, finally admitting it. “I mean—I did it in honor of mamma, too, but it was much more. It took my focus. It took the fear. It protected me from what was too hard to face. I love dancing, I do. It’s something special that me and mamma share, but…it’s never completed me. Never made me feel what you do.”
“What do I make you feel, Mia?”
“Everything,” I said simply.
I never feared losing my ability to dance. I was good, but I wasn’t on mamma’s level. I made it about that because it was a challenge. Something that stole my time and attention. The fear was pushed aside while I lost myself to something that had the ability to consume me for a while.
My eyes followed his body when he got up and went to sit on the rocker. Space again. Too much breathing room, though I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I’d kept that in for years. The emptiness where it had been was a bleeding, fresh wound. Even worse than my feet.
He leaned over again, and a look that I’d never seen before came over his face. It was businesslike. Made of stone, showing no emotion.
“A proposition for you,” he said in Italian. “An arrangement.”
“I already have one of those,” I said.
He waved this off. I narrowed my eyes. What did he have up his sleeve?
“Two details to this arrangement on my end. That’s it.” He lifted one finger. “No matter what happens, if we have children, I will not do what Brando Fausti did.”
“You have no idea—”
“I fucking do.” He made a fist and hit his chest with it. “I felt it. When I wasn’t sure—I felt it. Leave it at that.”
I nodded because I could tell the thought of it was outside of his comfort zone.
“Two.” He held up two fingers. “I’ll take a position with the security monitoring team. It was the position your grandfather offered me after our meeting in his office. I’ll run it. Implement new technology as it becomes available.”
He became quiet, then he cleared his throat.
“Do you have any stipulations?”
“I didn’t say yes,” I said.
“If you did.”
“IfI did—” A heavy breath slipped from my lips. “I’d agree to those terms. I’d also say that I didn’t want to dance anymore. I can figure out the rest later. Take me on a date once a week. And I’d like to stay in one spot for at least a year. I’msickof traveling. After the year, it would be fun to travel together. You pick a place. I pick a place.”
“I agree,” he said.
We both grinned at the same time. I shook my head.
“What else?” I muttered, thinking.
“More?”
I nodded. “I’m not an easy ride, Macchiavello.”
“Do I look like the type of man to ride the Ferris wheel at the festival? Give me the Tower of fucking Doom.”
I couldn’t help it. I exploded with laughter. He was serious.
