I left him with mamma while I went and changed into a black dress and black heels to match.
Guido took in my outfit with a narrow eye but didn’t comment on it. Mamma walked with us, and papà met up with us. He grabbed my arm before I enterednonno’s office. He said nothing, but I gasped when he pulled me so tight to him that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He kissed me hard on top of my head and then released me in awhoosh.
That was all he couldn’t say the night before. It was enough.
The men in the room—Saverio and my grandfather—stood when I entered. I took a seat, and they did, too.
Nonnogot comfortable in his seat. He went over last night, what I found out about Livia, and then gave me a brief reprimanding for making everyone worry.
“I’m sorry I made you worry,nonno,” I said.
“But you do not regret it,” he said.
I glanced at Saverio. “No,” I said. “I don’t.”
He nodded, and his face became even more serious. “Choices, Mia, have consequences. We own up to them when we are wrong. We celebrate them when we are right. You made a decision last night—yes or no, no hesitation. You chose yes. Only you can decide if the risk was worth it. However, hesitation will kill. It makes us indecisive, and that only leads to life ruling us. I will not allow this for you. This, also, pertains to your romantic life and the man included in it. Now is the time to decide. No hesitation.”
No hesitation.
Hesitation kills.
In that small breath I had, the last twenty-four hours played like an old black-and-white movie. My reckless need to be close to him put him in danger. It was selfish because it wasn’t only about his safety. Jealousy ruled my decision, too. The first taste of what would probably become a life-long war. Livia looking at my ring. The interest to find what I love, target it, then destroy it was clear on her face. Mamma and papà against the Nemours of the world. My hands tied.
Too far.
That feeling clawed at my heart like death.
Saying yes would doom him.
Maybe I was selfish. Because I was afraid it was going to doom me, too.
In time he would understand. Even if it took years to realize what I’d done for the both of us, for this rare connection that needed to be preserved behind a glass display case in our memories.
“No,” I said, sticking my chin up. “He doesn’t belong here. Not with me. Ever.”
Saverio stood from his chair. “Permission to speak,” he said to my grandfather in Italian.
“Denied,” my grandfather said in the same language. “You have one week. Guido will find you another position in that time.”
“There is no other position for me,” he said, even though my grandfather told him not to speak.
“Then you will leave this family.”
Saverio nodded. “Done.”
My hands clasped the seat, something solid to hold on to. Even though I could speak the language of this family, I couldn’t tell if Saverio leaving would start a war between his family and mine. No one got out of this life unless my grandfather allowed it. He didn’t say in certain terms what, exactly, leaving this family would mean for Saverio.
“You are dismissed,” my grandfather said to Saverio.
He left the room, the door closing behind him with a softclick.
I stared ahead, my chin burning from stiffness. If I relented a tiny bit, it would wobble, and I didn’t want that.
Nonnocame to stand in front of me. He took a seat half on the desk, half off. He leaned down and took my hand.
“Speak to me, Mia,” he said. “Tell me the truth. Tell me what you want.”
“You know better than I do what my parents went through,” I said. “If I would have said yes to Saverio, it would have doomed him. I cannot live my life as half of a person. I understand that now. Because he will choose my life over his if it comes down to it. I’m a Fausti. That makes me a target. It’s starting already.” I squeezed his hand. “I will not marry for love. I will marry for convenience. To keep my heart safe and for the family.”
