A second passed before we both exploded with laughter. Even though I had no idea what direction my life was going in, or the circumstances my choices would lead me to, somehow this show girl could make me feel like there was happiness still left in the world. Even a little of it.
Sometimes I wondered if Aniello had put her with me on purpose. Maybe he saw something in her, too, that was different from the rest—from what I was used to. She accepted me as is from the day she walked through the door.
“You know.” She wiped at her eyes. “I’d think Joe’s Holes would be tart, and not to mention a little hairy, compared to Debbie’s Donut Delights.”
I pushed her shoulder. “That’s disgusting!”
She laughed even harder. “I bet you didn’t think Aniello’s hole was disgusting.” She wiggled her thick eyebrows at me.
“I’m not talking about his hole,” I said.
“Oh. Come on! Tell me! You have to. Even though Iloathehim, I’m not dumb. One look at him and anyone would know how good he’d be. He just has that…aura about him.”
“If you can get past the blood…”
She shrugged, taking the donut from me. She stuffed it into her mouth. At least she swallowed before she spoke. “All you smell is citrus, so you’re already past it.”
He seemed to smell like citrus during the day, and that smokey essence of tabasco from the bathroom at night, after his shower or soak in his tub. I lifted a strand of my hair and sniffed. My heart beat faster, my breath felt hard to catch, and my stomach felt hollow again. I still smelled like him. Like a dream that had turned into reality.
“What?” she said, licking her fingers.
I blinked, realizing that I was staring at her. “What are you wearing?”
She had on what looked like an expensive gown. A wedding dress.
“My funeral garb,” she said. “Because that’s the only way they’re going to make me wear it. If they dress my cold, stiff body in it.”
“That’s not fucking funny.”
She held her hands up, like she was sorry, but the smile on her face told me she wasn’t. “You love me,” she said.
“I do love you,” I said. “And that means I’ll kick your ass if you ever say anything like that again.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re nothing but skin and bones. You can’t stand against these potato-chips hips.” She slapped one.
She tried to make a joke out of everything, but there was nothing funny about what she’d said.
“Have you tried talking to Aniello about yoursituation?”
She barked out a laugh. “Have you tried talking to Assanti, orCandle, aboutyoursituation?Thought not.” She shook her head. “No one I know calls him by his first name, so maybe after you talk to him about your thing, you can put in a good word for me, too, okay?”
It took her a second to move in the fluffy gown, but finally she got to her feet, looking down at me again. “I was totally being sarcastic about that last thing,” she said. “Assanti can’t even help me. That’s not the way this life works. They’ll send him after Joey if I don’t do what I’m supposed to. And he’ll do it. Because that’s who he is. What he does. What he has to do. We both know it.”
I nodded, fiddling with the cover to my coffee. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, meeting her eye. “I’m so sorry that you can’t marry who you love.”
She hurriedly wiped her eyes and turned her back on me. The dress was not even fully zipped up. “You’re the first person to ever tell me that.”
I got to my feet and put my hand on her shoulder. “You were the first person to ever make me feel brave enough to…do something to try to find my memories. A part of me that I can’t stand to forget.”
She touched my hand before she sniffed and moved out of my embrace. “You stink like cigar smoke. I could never stand that smell. Go wash,amica. I’m going to change and then head to work.”
“How about Italian for dinner?” I said as I moved past her, twisting my hair up to put in a messy bun. I didn’t want to wash my hair and lose the smell of him. I wanted it to be on my pillow as I slept.
“Rosalia.”
The sound of her voice stopped me. It sounded worried and suspicious at the same time. I’d never heard her say my name that way before.
“Yeah?” I said, almost hesitant.
