He said it so calmly, as if he was asking me if I’d buckled in, but I could feel the seriousness underneath the question.
“Aniello Assanti,” I whispered.
“Who am I to you?”
“Apparently,” I said, “everything. You’re my husband.”
He didn’t look at me, but his hands squeezed the wheel so hard that if it had a life, he would have choked it. He said nothing as he navigated the streets of New York, but the tension between us was so thick that I felt as ifIcouldn’t breathe.
“That’s why you didn’t tell me,” I said after a few minutes had passed and he offered no more information. “About us. About the missing memories. I had a breakdown or something after you did last time?”
He nodded. “Too much information at once seems to send you back instead of forward. You get overwhelmed with what you feel you should remember but can’t.”
“You were showing me.”
“Everything,” he said.
“From the beginning?”
“What I could.”
I closed my eyes and sat forward, wishing I could put my head between my legs. “How could I forget you? How could I forget that you’re my husband?”
“You didn’t forget me,” he said. “You came looking for me, even though you couldn’t remember me—who I am to you. Breathe, Rosalia. Breathe,” he said again in Italian, placing his chilled hand on the back of my neck.
“There are so many things I don’t know—still don’t understand. Don’t remember. Tell me the rest, Aniello. I need to know.”
He glanced at me, and the words in his eyes were so clear. He didn’t think I could handle it.
He shook his head and lifted his hand when I went to argue. “I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to show you.”
“Like you’ve been doing?”
“No,” he said. “More. I didn’t before because showing you everything at once would have been too overwhelming. I gave you pieces to put together. The doctor thought it might be easier that way, but there’s no real course when it comes to the mind. They’re all built differently. React differently. But we have no time now.” That sat between us for a minute before he asked, “Do you trust me, Rosalia?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. I did trust him, even though I’d had a moment of humanness before.
I knew this life. I knew the men and what they were capable of, especially with women. But I had misjudged Aniello Assanti’s loyalty and love for me because of a weak moment. I’d allowed my mind to overrule my heart. I should have known my mind couldn’t be trusted and put more faith in my heart. It’s not always what we think and see but what we feel—what we truly feel.
With all that I was, though, I knew that, even more than I trusted him with my life, I trustedme.I might have forgotten in one sense, but in another, he was as deeply imbedded in me as bone, and I went to the flesh and blood that made me whole.
He took my hand and lifted it to his mouth. “No more questions until we get where we’re going,” he said against my skin. His hand was the only thing that felt steady in my world.
“Okay,” I said and took a deep, deep breath, hoping that I would remember him after this was over.
* * *
The Bronx wasthe last place I expected we would go, but we didn’t stay long. Right after we arrived, Aniello opened my door, took my hand, and led me to an old truck that was parked in front of Peppin and Lina’s house.
Before I climbed in, I hesitated, my eyes traveling from the sidewalk to the steps, to the window, and finally, they stilled on the front door. The words were on the tip of my tongue,the little baby girl, but Aniello spoke before I could.
“Trust me, Rosalia,” he said.
Nodding, I tore my eyes away from the house. He helped me in and shut the door, then took the driver’s seat and started the old truck. Then we were on our way to someplace else.
For two—maybe three?—hours, we drove. My head hurt too bad to really pay attention, and I’d fallen asleep with my head on Aniello’s shoulder. When I woke up, it was still dark, and we were parked in front of what looked like a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. All I could see from the lights of the truck was the cabin and miles and miles of thick woods.
It seemed even darker here, with no lights from the city to keep the night awake.
