He pried my hands from my face. “Tell me, my wife,” he said in Italian.
“I left because I couldn't bear to watch you walk away from me! I couldn't stand your goodbye. I couldn't live through it! And the baby…needs me.” It was so frustrating attempting to explain a feeling to someone who would never experience it and refused to even open himself up to it. “Oh, God. You have no idea—how much I love and need you. Only God can know!”
“I need you, too.”
“She depends on me.” I sucked in a breath, crying it out. “She can't live without me.”
“Hear me. I depend on you just as much. That's why I could never leave.” He pulled my head toward his heart, kissing me. “You'll protect her at any cost.”
It wasn't a question. He knew I would. I’d give my life in honor of hers.
“Then you finally understand. I'd give my life in honor of yours, but there is no life to sacrifice without you in it.”
* * *
Later that night, exhaustion swept over me like high tide. Matters between Brando and I were strained. He was still resentful that I had lied to him, left him, and gone to see Luca. I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t trust me.
It was my own fault.
I should’ve talked to him. Given him the choice to decide if he wanted to stay or go. Though when I brought it up, he became furious.You are my life.The baby is my responsibility.
To say that didn’t wound me deep would’ve been a lie.
The baby was his responsibility, as she was mine, but it hurt me to hear him call her that. A responsibility. To feed, to keep warm, and to keep safe out of duty. Not ours to simply love.
He was quiet, doing odd jobs that had been neglected in our absence, and helping Jet and Ruby settle in. Jet was off like lightning, glad to behome. Italy was her true North. Ruby was just glad to see me and refused to leave my side.
Dinner was a quiet affair.
“This is good.”
“Thank you.”
“It makes sense now why you started eating so much.”
“Mmhm. She loves pasta.”
“Do you want more water?”
That was the end of dinner.
Despite the front I put up because I felt I had no choice, the truth was that being without Brando wounded me, too. He hadn’t come for me, not right away, and I wasn’t used to the separation, for the space between us to feel as though we were galaxies apart.
Emotionally, we both had a lot to deal with.
I didn’t know how to make this better. How to help him see that this was a blessing, that he would be a good father, and he would have two people in his life to claim as his and to love.
I fell asleep with all of these thoughts floating through the spaces in my mind. It wasn’t long after that I felt a feather light touch trace the shape of my stomach. It was no longer flat, but a nice pouch.
The touch moved up and down, along the side, and around again. She started to flutter, swishing arms and legs, enjoying the sensation of it. His touch had encouraged her to move. I smiled in the darkness.
“She likes that,” I whispered.
He stopped. “You can tell?”
“Don’t stop.” He started up again and so did she, like it was a game. “I can tell. When you move, she does, too.”
“What if she’s a he?”
