As if my feeling spoke to him, in a way that husbands and wives sometimes do, he took my hand again and held it in his.
“After that night—when you slept out here to stay close to Elliott. The first night, I mean.” I stared down at our hands. “Why didn’t you talk to me the next morning?”
“I wanted to,” he whispered.
I thought he was going to end the conversation there. His eyes still stared out of the window, and usually, I had a pretty good grip on his thoughts, but tonight he was deep into the past, his emotions as erratic as the wind.
He shifted some in his seat but kept his face forward. “Remember the night we first made love?”
“How could I forget?”
He squeezed my hand in acknowledgment. A tingling in the lower part of my stomach reminded me that the memory was not just mental, but physical as well. I had given him all of me that night and every night since.
“Tell me what I told you then.”
“To be honest, words were not flowing that night,” I said. “In fact, this is the most you’ve ever spoken to me, Brando. Without me asking.”
He almost grinned at that. “I’m not much of a talker.”
“Attenuazione.”Understatement.
“I talk to you.”
“You do,” I said. “I think—” I hesitated, only then realizing “—you don’t have to say much to me because I understand without the need for words.”
“Bene,” he said. “I find them a pain in the ass. But you still haven’t told me what I want to hear.”
“I remember all that you said to me. Given the direction of this conversation, though, I think I know the precise words you want me to remember. You had given me chance after chance to stop what was about to happen. You made it clear that once I belonged to you in that final way, there was no turning back. I was yours,per sempre. You said that I would bleed for you. You had called it a blood vow. A promise that would never be broken between the two of us.”
“Anyone else, Scarlett. I could’ve walked away without a second thought. Not with you.” His eyes found mine and I almost shrank back, not from fear, but from the intensity. Not expecting it stole my breath and made it hard to take in air. “I made sure you understood. I had never felt the inside of a woman before you—nothing between us. The vow was meant for you only. I said—”
“Over and over—”
“You needed to know the truth. It was more powerful than me as a man. And the same rule applied to life. If I would’ve spoken to you that morning, there was no turning back. Despite what your parents would’ve wanted, I would’ve been in your life. But at the time, I put your needs above my own. You were too young for me, then. Fifteen.”
“So you decided to stay in the shadows to keep me safe.”
“Yeah. Until the day came that I couldn’t any longer.”
“E poi l'angelo mostrò il volto.”And then the angel showed his face.“My angel.”
“I’m no angel, Scarlett,” he said, turning from me again.
“I’m calling a horse a horse,” I said. “You don’t have the right tell me otherwise.”
“No, I don’t suppose I do.”
I untwined our hands, setting mine on his shoulder, using my thumb to stroke his jaw. Tears spilled down my cheeks, warm at first touch, then made cool by the breath of the air. “I’m a horrible person, Brando.” I sniffed hard, attempting to get control of the wild emotions. “Such a horrible person.”
He turned to me, taking me by the shoulders. “Tell me.”
“Oh,” I breathed, realizing what I had said. The words reminded him of the apology offered for something not yet done. “No, it’s—I mean—Mick—after—I didn’t know what happened. After the gunshot went off, all three of you went down. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know who, if anyone, and I almost died thinking it was YOU!”
I threw myself over the seat to get to him. I hadn’t admitted that since Mick died. The guilt had been eating at me like acid. Here I was with my husband and Violet was at home…
Brando shushed me, holding me at an awkward angle, but close for all that. “There’s no solution for this situation, baby. It hurts. It’s going to. Guilt. It’s a heavy burden. Give it to me. I’ll absolve you from it.”
“NO!” I shook in his arms. “I can’t just give you what I feel. And I wouldn’t! You place enough blame on yourself. Blame that has no place on your shoulders.”
