“She is all you have left, Scarlett Rose Poésy.”
Turning, I gave Pnina my full attention. “This is true, but you might want to remind her of that. Elliott is my brother. She’s just the person who occupied your womb before me.”
“I know who Elliott is,” she said, a bit breathless. “My son.”
Our eyes held. And my heart softened a little. My mother loved us; she did, just in her own way. Elliott’s death had cost her so much, even if her hard exterior made me forget from time to time. I promised myself that no matter what, even if my temper flared, I would respect her. She was my mother, even if there were times I questioned my belonging.
I decided to go down a different road. “I’m not Maja Resnik. I’ll never be. Even if I move like her, when I’m out on my own, I’ll never allow myself to be a repeat of her. I’ll always be me. Despite your hopes.”
My mother’s softened eyes turned hard. When she narrowed them, they were like daggers. “Do you take me for a fool, child? I know who you are. Just as I know my son, I know my daughter.”
“Do you?” I mused, but I kept my eyes on hers. “You want to make her happy. You’ve always wanted to make the ballerina happy. Even if it cost memyhappiness.”
“Nonsense!”
“You’ve always felt the need to prove something to her. You couldn’t do it. Neither could Charlotte. And, oh dear God, I wish she could have. Then I would be off the hook! I don’t want this. None of it. I want to be a teacher. I love it.” I took a deep breath, settling my anxious nerves. “I love teaching people things they don’t know and helping them understand what they do.”
My mother sucked in a sharp breath. “A teacher?” She made it sound disrespectful, useless.
“Yes, a teacher. It’s one of the most important jobs. Teaching people.”
“You?” She laughed. “You are a prodigy! Maja Resnik’s protégé! A world-class dancer! This is nonsense, absolute nonsense.” She laughed again, mocking me. “A teacher? That is like putting a star in a jar just to watch it burn. Why not watch it in the sky, where it belongs? Nonsense! You have Maja Resnik’s blood. And you would waste your talent to become a…a teacher?”
“Yes,” I said simply.
She was becoming unhinged. I tried to set a more even tone. Perhaps if we could discuss this rationally, which we were never able to do before, she would understand. But she continued before I could wage part two of my argument.
“Incomprehensible! This is what you have always been. You have a talent that most would trade their soul for. And here you sit, set to give it up. I forbid it. I forbid you to ruin your future. You have always threatened me with your ability to dance, because you have always known what it meant. I have been allowing you to be free, for a time, to keep you satisfied. But I will not allow you to ruin your future for that man.”
“Here we are again!” I shot up. “What’s wrong with Brando Fausti? Why do you hate him so much,Mati?”
“I do not hate him,hci!”
“What has he ever done to you!” I charged forward. “He was always there for Elliott. Why did you send him away?Why!”
“He is not like us!”
We both stilled. A deathly quiet descended. No matter if it was expected or not, the truth stung. No matter what she said about me, I could take it. But something reared its ugly head when she turned on him.
I ran my foot against the earth, drawing a line between us. “Oh,” I finally managed. “Good. I don’t want him to be like us. Never. I love him,Mati. I always have. And I always will. And you will just have to accept that. Or learn to live with it. I’m not leaving. Recant the offer. Or I will.”
I turned to go, but she put a hand on my arm, applying a liberal amount of pressure.
She asked me in Slovenian if he asked me to stay.
I refused to answer her.
She brought my finger closer to her face, her eyes running over the ring.
She asked me in Slovenian if he asked for my hand in marriage.
I refused to answer her.
“I do not care which opportunity you choose, Scarlett Rose.” Her tone cut to the bone, in retaliation for the softer tone of mine. There would be no more arguing. I had made up my mind. Brando had given up all of the opportunities offered to him for me. I’d do the same for him.
“But you will choose. That ismyfinal say. I might not be able to persuade your will, but I will direct the outcome. You have worked too hard, your talent too great, to let it all die in vain. No.” She took another hard look at the ring and then let my hand drop. “You will go, whether it is me or someone else giving you the push you need to take the leap.”
She turned and left me alone out in the cold.
