I didn’t answer.
He sighed and shook his head. “What Corrado Palermo did was against the rules,” he said. “He tried to kill his boss without permission. He failed. It kills me to even say his name, but Arturo had every right to seek retribution for what Corrado Palermo had tried to do—but only on Corrado Palermo, not his family. It was his right as a boss. Just as it is yours. You of all people should understand the rules. You practice them every day, and now, you enforce them.”
“Why do you care?” I said. “What does this have to do with you?”
“There is so much to lose here,” he said, shaking his head. “And even more to gain, if you would only stop focusing on the past and look toward the future.” He hesitated for a minute or two. “Your sister. The one they never found. What about her? Why haven’t you looked for her?”
I shrugged. “He took that away from me, too. The chance to get to know her. To have someone who shared my blood. But it doesn’t matter. If she’s still alive, she’s better off not being involved in this life. She escaped once. She should count her blessings.”
“If he saved her life? What then?”
I had considered that from the beginning. My answer was still the same. “Doesn’t change a fucking thing. That entire family needs to go. You give ’em an inch and they take a mile.” If he had sons, I’d find them when they were older and take care of them, too.
Tito became quiet for a minute. Then he opened his mouth to say something but closed it on a snap.
“Speak your mind,” I said. “It’s not like you to hold back.”
“A waste of my time,” he said, straightening up. “It would not change anything if I did.” He waved me off. “Tell your wife that Lola and I will be by to see her and the baby soon. Lola is complaining pictures are not enough.”
He walked out then, but with a different energy than he had when he had come in. He seemed almost defeated.
I took out my phone and pressed a button. Once in, I scrolled through my pictures, a grin coming to my face.
He was right about one thing. Just like hermamma, pictures did not do my Eleonora justice, but instead of smiling at me like hermammadid when I came home, she cried.
31
Alcina
Mammastared at me while I did the dishes. I scrubbed a little and then loaded. She stood next to me, like she was going to help, but instead she watched my face. Anna danced around the kitchen with Ele before bed.
“Cosa c'è, mamma?” I whispered. I had no idea why she kept staring at me.
She acted like I had not said a word when Corrado came into the kitchen and kissed her and then me on the cheek. He thanked us for a wonderful dinner. Then he said he had some business to attend to.
He had been cold to me ever since the morning Ele had cried when he’d picked her up. He said very little to me, and when he fucked me, it was hard and ruthless, like he could reach me through his anger and change something. Even the kiss he gave me was hard.
I did not know what he wanted me to change. If he wanted Ele to stop crying when he picked her up, I suggested that he be there with her sometimes during the day. I could tell her how wonderful her father was when she started to grow. I could show her by the way I looked at him, but someday,hewould have to prove it to her. That he loved her. That he would always be there for her. I could not do that for him.
He playfully touched her chin and then kissed her cheek. She turned her face, and then he left. She started to giggle at Anna right after, when she started to kiss her cheeks and dance even more.
Even though the house was empty—Corrado’snonnahad gone to spend time with her sister’s daughter—except for the men watching it, it felt fuller than it ever had, but not complete. It felt complete when my husband was here, even for a few hours every day.
Mammastarted to take the dishes from me. “The hardest years of marriage are the second and third,” she said. “The first year the flesh is more than happy, but it takes time to build the bones. How all of the arms and legs will work together, ah? This one goes this way, while the other tries to go another.”
“It is like areallylong version of that game,” Anna said. “The one where one person’s leg is tied to another’s. You have to figure out how to win together. You will fall a couple of times, but it is the getting up that counts.” She blew against Ele’s cheeks, and she giggled so loud that we all laughed.
If our life was only that simple. If only trying to figure out how we worked together was a fun game. If we fell in this life, it was not as simple as just getting back on our feet and trying again. Mistakes were debts owed in blood.
Mammaand Anna had no idea that Corrado wanted to kill our own blood and his sister’s husband either.
Ele started to cry, so I dried my hands and took her from Anna while she helpedmammawith the dishes. She was a healthy eater, with little rolls, and I lost myself in her while I watched her eat and then fall asleep. I knew she would probably be more comfortable in her bed, but I decided to hold her while Anna started to get the card game ready.
Even after the game was over and we went upstairs to watch a movie, I felt more secure with her in the room with me.
Mammaand Anna both fell asleep in our bed. I laughed quietly, noticing thatmammahad stuck a gummy candy to Anna’s forehead. She had fallen asleep first.
My laughter did not last long. Soon, the quietness of the house closed in, and the heaviness in my heart weighed on my mind. I turned away frommammaand Anna, staring at the candle beside the bed. I put my palm over it, watching the flame waver when I moved it back and forth.
