“That’s the fucking trouble,” he said. “I can’t deny you anything.”
“What’s done is done,” I whispered. “Forgive the past.”
He seemed caught off guard that I had asked that of him. “I can’t do that, either,” he said, and then sighed. He picked me up and carried me to our room, setting me in the bed before he brought Ele to hers.
He wrapped me in his arms and fell asleep not long after. But I could not sleep. My conscience was at peace, but my mind kept me up.
What had he been expecting me to ask of him? To leave his life behind and start a new one with me?
Never.
That was the stuff fairytales were made of. In this life, there was no such thing.
29
Alcina
“Iam leaving with your closet!” Anna said, lying down on the soft rug on the floor, making a snow angel with the fake fur.
I touched her with my toe. “You must have drank too much prune juice as a child and shit all of your common sense out.”
She rolled around even harder, laughing even louder. “I have not heard that since…bisnonno! He used to tell that to the men who would try to swindle him out of money for his fruit, remember?”
“How can I forget?Mamma mia! My ass still stings.”
Ourbisnonno, great grandfather,was a fruit peddler, and when men used to try to lowball him on the price of his fruit, he used to tell them that. I did not realize it was wrong to say as a child. I repeated it to my teacher when she gave me a bad grade. I got my behindwhipped by mymamma.Papàtried not to laugh when he found out what I’d said, and thenmammahit him with a broom. She grinned the entire time.
“Can you imagine Ele saying that to her teacher?”My sister sighed, wiping her eyes. “Such a ladylike thing to say, Alcina!”
I grinned and turned to the jewelry box, choosing a watch and a few gold bangle bracelets to wear. We were going to Bella Luna and then meeting Mari at Macchiavello’s for lunch.
“I will need to have all of these clothes tailored for me though.” Anna sat up, looking around at all of the clothes and shoes. “You were lucky enough to get a niceculo. Mine isflat.”
I stuck it out and she slapped it.
“Puttana,” she said, laughing.
I stuck my tongue out at her.
She grinned. Then she became quiet, watching me slip my shoes on and then spraying perfume. She was already wearing the dress she chose and was ready to go.
“You look different, Alcina,” she whispered.
“I gained some weight,” I said, shrugging. “It has only been three months since Ele was—”
“No,” she said, her voice suddenly hard, making me narrow my eyes. “You are beautiful. As beautiful as ever. Physically—you are perfect. This is deeper.”
I turned from her, going back to the jewelry box. I threw her a few bracelets that would match her dress. She caught them and slipped them on, but she refused to stop giving me a look that meant she wanted me to answer.
I sighed, running my fingers over the gold cross earrings with amber gems Corrado had given me in Milan. “I reach him, and then I cannot,” I said in Sicilian, being honest.
It had been two months since our talk in Ele’s room, and for another month, I thought maybe he was going to let the past go. I hoped his willingness to be more present in our lives would have lasted longer. I had not seen him much this month, and even when he was around, his mind was not with us. He even postponed the trip toForza d’Agrò to see my father. We were going to baptize Ele in the church we were married in.
“It’s not as bad when you andmammaare here, because I do not feel as lonely, as homesick, but…” I caressed the metal, the feel of it comforting to me, like a rosary. “I am worried, Anna. Truly worried about him. He eats, sleeps, breathes revenge for something that happened years ago. Something that can no longer be fixed.”
“Have you told him this?”
“Sì,” I said, trying to take a deep breath, but it felt shallow, like I could not catch it. “He sees only one way. I see something different. I see the train coming, and I do not think I can pull him out of the way in time. Uncle Tito told me to change his direction, his path, but I am not strong enough. If I lose him to this, Anna, it will ruin me. I don’t even know who this man is who has possessed him, but it feels different.”
