Sierra had walked in and caught me. She took a knife out of the kitchen drawer and held it up to my face. She threatened to “cut a bitch” if she ever found me eating her stash of food again. Keely and Sierra didn’t share food, and her stuff was off limits.
I tried to explain that it was a misunderstanding, but Sierra wasn’t the type to stand around listening to excuses. She refused to leave until I said the magical words. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not,” she had said. She lifted the knife up to me once more and then walked out of the kitchen. She counted her things on the regular and probably twice after I left. I made it a point to stay away from her.
There was just something about her that didn’t sit right with me. That was why I never came to stay the night. I worried that she’d harm me in my sleep. I never told Keely because they got along fine. Sierra had an aversion to me, and Keely needed her to keep up her share of the rent.
Keely’s mother had once warned me about what happens to two drowning people. One always takes the other under for good. Keely didn’t need me dragging her down, so I always downplayed my situation when she asked about things. This time, I couldn’t. She had called and found out that I had been fired.
She had gotten me the job at Home Run after she had quit to work someplace else for more money. She knew about Merv, too, since I had to tell her. Besides, Keely could smell shit from a mile away, so I could downplay but never tell a full-out fib. Which meant…
“You’re back on the street, Mari?”
She looked so disappointed in me that I had a hard time keeping my lip from trembling. “A little,” I said.
“A little,” she repeated, sighing afterward. She opened the door wider and told me to come in.
“Is Sierra here?” I asked.
“Yeah, she’s getting ready to go out.”
Finally, something going my way for once.
“She’s not so bad, Mari,” Keely said. “Everyone has a story. Whatever hers is, it seems like a dark one. Who knows what she’s gone through to get where she is?”
“Where is she,exactly?”
Keely laughed a little at that. “Last I checked, in the bathroom.” Her humor faded as soon as she looked me over again. “You really look like shit, sis.”
“You got anything new to tell me, Kee?”
“No, but I do have some bread, butter, and cheese. Sit.” She pointed to her tiny kitchen table. “I’m going to make you something to eat and then you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on.”
“Who bought it?” I asked as I took a seat. “You or Sierra?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Does it matter? If I borrow something from her, I always give it back.”
I shook my head. “I don’t feel comfortable eating other people’s food.”
“It’s mine,” she said. “I swear.”
I hated how she scrutinized me, digging for the truth, so I tried to put her suspicions at ease. “I know she struggles, too. I don’t want to take what isn’t mine. I’m not even that hungry. I had bread earlier.” I patted my backpack. “Caspar gave me a little money after he fired me.”
“I’m still making you a grilled cheese sandwich. And Mam sent over some bread from scratch. Try it. It’s in the bag on the counter.”
As Keely made our grilled cheese sandwiches, I was honest about what had happened. Bruno. Caspar. Merv. The only thing I left out, orwho, was the man in the suit. For some reason I wasn’t ready to share that yet. I had spent the entire night thinking about him and his kindness, and I didn’t want her to pick my feelings apart. I usually didn’t have those toward men.
Feelings.
I was twenty-one and I’d never had a relationship, serious or not. I had no time for that when all of my time was spent surviving. It was who I had become.Merely-Surviving Mari.I had no idea what living really felt like. Besides, it was ridiculous to even think about him in that way. The man was probably a millionaire, and to top it off, he looked like a model.
Keely slid a plate toward me, the smell overwhelming my senses for a moment. I rubbed my hands together, licking my lips. She laughed and I looked up before I took a bite.
She smiled at me, the corners of her eyes crinkling. Then she took a seat next to me, grabbing my hand. “I’m so sorry, Mari.” She squeezed. “I wish.” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I wish—God, I wish there was more I could do.”
A tear slipped down her cheek and I winced. I hated that she took my problems and made them her own. Keely was a fixer, it was what she did for her brothers, and I refused to do the same thing to her.
It made sense what her Mam had told me.
