I had so many things to say:
Love is not the dagger you think it is. It’s only used as a weapon when the one you love turns it on you. Love is a shield against the rest of the world. Only the two of us can allow strangers beyond our gates. Love stems from so many different things. Companionship. Friendship. Loyalty, and loyalty can breed love. Or love can breed loyalty.
I kept quiet, though, because I didn’t want him to think that I was trying to convince him or convert him. I didn’t want to point out the obvious.You love me, too.
He seemed to sense my thoughts. “In my world, love will only get you killed, Mariposa.” The sound of his voice, low and shredded, made me pull closer to him. “That’s why my mamma left those words behind. She knew what I’d be facing. She used to tell me that I was too pretty. That they were going to eat me alive. But she didn’t see it in me. She didn’t see that a pretty face doesn’t cancel out ruthlessness in the blood. I’m as savage as they are. I held my own. I proved my worth.”
“You’re still holding your own.” I kissed his neck softly. He smelled like the beach, like our time in Sicily and Greece. “You have nothing left to prove. Not a damn thing, Capo.”
He leaned down and kissed me on the head. Then he slid out of me, leaving me empty and reaching out for him. He rested on his good arm, facing me, and he took my hands in his, cradling them. “You’re owed a heart, Mariposa. The veins you already have.”
“A heart—oh. The veins are the three bad things. Now for the good?”
He brought my hands to his mouth. “Orange blossoms.” He inhaled around my pulse and then released the breath in a slow stream of warm air. “You want to know why I didn’t tell you who I was?Semplicemente.”Simply. “I didn’t want you to figure it out. If you did, it made me…anxious to think that you’d walk away from me, that you’d tell me to go to hell, to marry someone else. I didn’t tell you because,semplicemente, I want your companionship. Your time.”
I need to disappear yet be seen.He was lonely, so fucking lonely, because of those ruthless bastards.
“I need you for the rest of my life, Mariposa. I need all of you to belong to me only.Ossa delle mie ossa; carne della mia carne; la mia bella donna; mia moglie.”Bone of my bone; flesh of my flesh; my beautiful woman; my wife.
“So you didn’t have to make something up?” I blinked at him. “You had the heart all along?”
“Yeah, I did. You. You’re the heart.” He took my hands and moved them to his neck, right over his scar. “If this didn’t exist. The voice. How could I tell you, Mariposa? If words no longer existed, if someone stole them, how would we communicate? Actions. Actions speak louder than words. You don’t need words to make this real.”
“Actions,” I whispered. “Your life. You sacrificed yours for mine.”
He leaned his head against mine. “Nel mio mondo l'amore ti farà solo uccidere.Sono un uomo morto dalla notte in cui ti ho lasciato alle spalle.”
The translation of his words was a bit loose, but his point was as sharp as a sword out to slay for love.
In my world love will only get you killed.I have been a dead man since the night I left you behind.
I pulled back to see him better, but he only pulled me closer, so close that I couldn’t breathe. So close that my breath was his and his was mine.
Non servono più parole.No more words were needed,as he let me in for a peaceful swim.
26
Mariposa
Ihad somehow,a miracle, convinced my husband to take the day off. Not only the day, but the night, too. After Harrison’s house had been sprayed with bullets, it was hard to be apart from him.
My nightmares were only getting worse.
It was the same one over and over, except the blood would increase each time. I’d look down and the slow crawl of it would inch closer and closer to my feet. I still couldn’t move. Only scream out.
In reality, not dreams, he sometimes stood close to me. At other times, he did his thing. Seeking vengeance on the Scarpone family was a job to him. One he loved very much. When he admitted to me that he didn’t kill them because it would be over, I understood right away.
It would end his reign of torture on them. When he fucked with them in life, playing the game, he got a thrill out of it. Once they were dead, it would all be over, and he’d be left to deal with…himself.
What worried me the most was, would he get to them first? Or would they finally succeed and end his life?
It was a game with mighty high stakes.
The life tumbling in my stomach drove the point home.
I ran a hand over my stomach. In the last week my belly seemed to explode. I wore a tight navy dress that had stretch but was form fitting, and from all angles, you could tell I was pregnant.
“Mariposa.”
