“Your daughter Lucya is marrying the Pakhan,” the guard says indifferently. “His engagement to Inessa Dubrovina is terminated. The Pakhan wishes to have a security team stay here to be sure things go smoothly.”
“What are you saying?” Mother gasps, “Are you insane?Tellme, where is Alexi Turgenev?”
“He’s dead,” he says indifferently. “Lucya Dubrovina belongs to the Pakhan now.”
Reality hits me as vividly as the image of Alexi’s sightless gaze on the hangar floor and I wail, sobbing uncontrollably as the men gently shut our front door and my mother rocks me, weeping too.
“You have to eat.”
I haven’t moved from my position in bed all day, curled on my side, staring at the wall.
“I can’t. I threw up everything you tried to make me eat last night.” My mother’s hovering over me and I feel bad for upsetting her, but not enough to move.
Her voice sharpens. “How long have you been vomiting?”
“This morning,” I say, trying to push through the cotton candy wrapped around my brain. I think she gave me something in my tea last night because I fell asleep mid-sob.
“What about in Boston?” She sits on the side of my bed, taking my hand.
“Boston?” I repeat stupidly.
“Did you vomit back home in Boston? Maybe you thought you had a stomach bug?”
“I…” Oh. I did throw up, a couple of days ago. I’d blamed the clams we’d had for dinner. “Yes.”
Smoothing back my hair, she leans in to kiss my cheek. “I’m going out,” she whispers. “Don’t talk to anyone until I get back. Do you understand?”
“Sure.” I stare at the wall while I wait to fall back asleep.
“Wake up, my girl, you need to wake up…”
“Please leave me alone,” I moan, but my mother is relentless, shaking me awake. I’ve been asleep for a while. The streetlights are shining through my windows and she hovers over me, clutching a bag.
“Get up. You need to go into the bathroom and-”
“Why? Please just let me sleep.” I try to close my eyes again and this time, she shakes me hard enough to rattle my teeth.
“You have to take a test,” she whispers, “take it now.” I realize she’s holding a pregnancy test and it takes me a full minute to understand.
I could be pregnant.
Alexi’s baby, and mine.
I could have his baby.
Letting out a convulsive sob, I grab the bag and stand up, swaying a little. Mother hurries to wrap an arm around my waist. “Come ondorogoy,my sweetheart. We need to know.”
She’s bought five tests, and I pee on each one, lining them up on a little bed of toilet paper, and wash my hands, staring at the single line on each one.
“I’m coming in.” Opening the door, she hurries in to stand next to me.
“Mat',if I’m pregnant, then…” I want this. I want this baby more than anything I can imagine. There will still be part of Alexi in this world.
One by one, each indicator changes to two lines, and we laugh until we both cry again, clinging to each other, tears splashing onto the counter and the little plastic sticks.
The next day…
“There you are.”
