When we arrived on the farm it was pissing rain and as cold as only a West Irish summer could be.
No surprise, Da had the kettle on when he knew we were close so we walked into a steamy warm kitchen that smelled of Barry’s Tea and fresh baked biscuits.
American-style chocolate chip ones, since Da had found out that Alec went to school in the States for a while and wanted to give him a surprise. I wasn’t the only one in the family that was taken with the man.
Rather than joining us, Da ran out to the car to see to Noreen. Alec had agreed to let her fly on his obscene plane if Fintan agreed to let a qualified vet drug her for the flight. She was coming around logy, grumpy, and the rest of the animals and the herb plants would probably pay for the indignity she’d endured, but for the moment she was tucked up in some clean hay whilst my Da made sure she was ok. He was probably singing 'The Gartan Mother's Lullaby' to her, if I knew him.
Him being out of the way meant we could talk about the plan for the wedding ambush.
Alec pulled out an extra-large laptop, something specially cooked up for him by his mad techies, and engaged a special, criminals only version of Zoom. After a few moments, Alastair and Sorcha, a few high up members of the Davies family offunsters, Raul and Meghan Emily from my cohort both looking nervous but excited, and two of the MacTavish brothers were all online.
When Sorcha and Alastair had first broached bringing her family in to the plan Alec had a quiet, internal explosion that I swear took out his pancreas and possibly one of his kidneys. Then he calmed himself and agreed, especially as they already were part of it and it would solve the problem of having enough guests to make it look like a real wedding.
Everyone gave cool, professional greetings as they signed on.
Then, being they were all UK criminals, we had to wait because when they saw we were having our tea they needed to order some up as well.
Fintan had scowled at the fuss of a nice tea made for someone he considered slightly less desirable thancryptosporidiosis parasites in the geese and the sight of those handsome, well-coiffed criminals. Still, he took a cup and several biscuits, which he proceeded to eat by snapping them hard with his teeth as he stared at Alec.
I wasn’t worried about his going along with the plan. No matter how he felt about Alec, Grandad would do anything for me, and enjoyed a bit of violence.
“The first thing we need to do, is you need to get your people to take my animals somewhere safe," Grandad said. "I won’t have the chickens or cows disrupted. Or the goats neither.Noreen can stay, and the ram, Pilib Dubh - he’s a nasty piece of work, he’ll eat his way out of the barn to get into a fight - and the geese, of course. They can probably fight better than any of you posh gobshites and Uni kids.”
Everyone showed their wisdom by not laughing.
“Don’t worry,” I said, putting a hand over one of his, “that is what my people are for. Alastair is supplying somevery high-quality trucks, Raul and Meghan Emily will oversee getting the animals to Red Grouse Farm. They’ve agreed to look after them for us. We’ll only leave a few here so it doesn’t look suspicious, and when the uninvited guests arrive they will herd those few up as well and get them into cover in one of the root cellars.”
“You didn’t say there would be geese,” Raul was pale at the thought.
“I’ll handle the geese,” Meghan Emily said. “I have experience with them.”
The criminals looked bemused at the concern over a few farm animals. One of the MacTavishs, Lachlan I think though who could tell, they were like Highland clones, started to say something and wisely respected the look I gave him by staying quiet.
“It is critical that this wedding looks real. The Bonas aren’t stupid even if Leevil seems to be, and as to that, the chatter I’ve picked up lately is saying that he has some special security consultant working his end. A former ghost, a true, scary bastard sort.”
“Ghost?” Sorcha asked.
“A spy, probably US, definitely dangerous if he’s in the private sector.Proper spies either die or get desk jobs, the ones who do it for the sport of it tend to be too hampered by even the little bit of regulation they are given,” Alec told her. “Ok, so to make it look good what do we need? Cake, er, music, chairs?I haven’t been to a wedding in a bit.”
For some reason Sorcha and her brothers started laughing to beat the band.
Cameron, who was apparently the Most MacTavish, spoke. “Let us handle that part. We have alotof experience with weddings, especially more unorthodox ones. If Mr. Cassidy can send us some photos of his property we will arrange everything. Mymother loves planning these events and she is from our world so she understands how things need to be set up for the best range of fire.”
“I can supply drone footage,” Alec added, clicking a few keys. “Sending now.”
Though he seemed calm, a typical billionaire crime family boss faffing about with his computer, at the mention of the MacTavish family matriarch his knuckles had gone white. My free hand went to his forearm, where the touch couldn’t be seen by the camera. His muscles were like stone, that softened slightly under my touch.
It was the only time that had happened.
“I know a band who is made up of former gunrunners,” I offered. “The fiddle player owes me a favor.”
“Send me their information,” Cameron said, making notes. “The Lady Elspeth will want your thoughts on cake, when you have a moment.”
“My thoughts on cake are I prefer anything made with free trade chocolate and plenty of it.”
“What is your favorite type of flower? Yes, I know this is mad and silly at a time like this, but trust me, you’d rather tell me now than having her call you later. I feel like you and our mother would be about as good a combination as a bull and a china shop that was guarded by trained assassins.”
We wasted several minutes as I gave my preferences on a large number of things I couldn’t have given less of a fuck about.Alec sent his man Charles’ information to Cameron, so he could put together the guest list.
