“I know Da’ planned on an arranged marriage for me,” I say, “until he saw how broken I was.” I look at Cormac, “As Chieftain, you would have let me hide on the estate for the rest of my life, aye?” His bowed head tells me what I need to know.
“Alastair refuses to see me as broken. He’s seen me at my worst and he still tells me that I’m whole.” I realize I believe this as the words leave my lips. “I have less nightmares here. I’ve slept entire nights without a one.” I don’t mention that I sleep nightmare-free when Alastair is curled around me.
“But how this happened!” Cormac protests, “You dinna have a choice, and-”
“Really?” I’m laughing hard enough that I have to sink onto the couch and catch my breath. “Let’s have a bit of a recap, shall we? Cameron, who threw his bride out of a church window in her wedding dress-”
“She thanked me for that, many times!” Cameron says defensively.
“Then there’s Dougal, who-”
“All right, you’ve made your point,” Dougal cuts me off, which makes me laugh again.
“I’m just following in the clan’s footsteps, aye?” I say. “I can make a life with this man. I can be happy.”
Cormac leans down to touch his forehead against mine. “Do ya’ think ya’ could love him someday?”
“I think I might love him already,” I whisper, as if saying it out loud would make it true in all its intimidating glory.
With a sigh, he hands me his phone. “Call Ma, she’s losin’ her mind.”
***
Alastair…
A better man would have allowed Sorcha some private time. I am not that man. I lounged in my office, watching the tender reunion take place via hidden cameras. When Cormac leans over her to whisper something, I jam my finger on the mic button.
“I think I might love him already,” she whispers.
I push back from my desk as if it’s turned into a rattlesnake. She loves me? I pour another Scotch, finishing it in three swallows.
Not lust. Love, an unpredictable, terrifying thing.
Was I capable of love? My parent’s conversation about the possibility of their son being a sociopath rises in all its unwelcome glory.
Love is too much to ask of me.
Loyalty. I can offer loyalty and protection. I will step in front of any bullet to protect this woman. When will she finally realize I’m not capable of love? Will the light in those silver-grey eyes fade away?
Of course, if we’re speaking of loyalty, I’m breaking my oath to Alec just by entertaining the MacTavish fucks in my home. Once I boot these arseholes out and exhaust Sorcha enough to sleep without nightmares, I’ll have to meet with him. My loyalty to Sorcha brought us into conflict. How the fuck will he respond when I discuss the brothers with him?
I can’t lead them into an ambush. Cormac Senior is the man responsible for his father’s death, not his clan. Though I wouldn’t mind giving Cameron a few bullet holes. Not enough to kill him. Only enough to hurt like a motherfucker.
When Sorcha calls her mother, the woman screams loud enough that even I can hear it. My wife talks to her with a mixture of love and exasperation, and then to her father. I try to imagine her expression if her father dies and I sigh, running my hand through my hair.
“This is why I dislike feelings,” I say to the empty room. “Messy. Complex.”
Returning to the library, I’m followed by Eileen with a cart piled high with tea cakes and pastries, fresh-baked bread and cheeses, olives and figs, and a charcuterie board groaning with every kind of salami and ham.
She has the decency to look embarrassed as I dubiously eye her feast.
“You do remember that these are the men who blew a hole in my armored lift doors, yes?”
Eileen looks over her shoulder at the jagged edges of metal where my lift used to be. There are soldiers and workmen already trying to secure it. “Yes Sir, I do. I just thought that with them being Mrs. Taylor’s family, it would be, eh… hospitable?”
I’m not going to smile and let her think that feeding the men who blew a hole in my building is acceptable, though I do hold the door for her as she pushes the cart into the library.
Pulling Sorcha down on my lap helps me focus, her soft lavender and rosemary scent calming me. Plus, watching her brothers nearly drip with rage and futility is extremely satisfying.
