There was another sigh, then a groan. From another part of the house, the basement, maybe? Yeah, I knew that was where Steve had kept his "larder," aka evil fucks like the psychotic pharmacist who tried to kill Aura. Footsteps pacing back and forth. That was definitely James. As far away as he could possibly get from their room and it was not far enough.
Their moans and gasps finally stopped, and I heaved a sigh of relief. There was some low conversation, punctuated by Aura's little giggle. And it started again.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I whined, remembering how James could go forever, just keep going until I passed out so this could be the rest of the morning until dawn, and-
My frozen, dead heart cracked.
I would never have this. This love, so palpable between Steve and Aura. They were so happy and joined in a way I would never know. It was selfish to want more. I should be grateful. I was still here, roaming the planet. But I'd be doing it alone. Pulling my quilts and blankets into the closet, I wrapped myself into a vampire burrito and wept, pink tears staining the soft cotton. I felt so selfish and guilty for envying them. I should be happy for them. Iwashappy for them, really. But I still couldn't stop crying as I heard them finish together, whispering words of love as the sun rose over the pines.
Chapter 19: The Letters in Silver Script
In which Meghan and James find that the impossibility of forgiveness changes to something else under a full moon.
Meghan…
The thing that would have been hilarious if I was in a laughing mood, was that all four of us kind of looked like shit when we gathered together in the meadow the following night.
At least Aura and Steve had an excuse,I thought miserably, nodding and smiling weakly as they handed me a beautiful wine glass of cut crystal. It was filled, apparently, with an exquisite vintage, an AB negative from a Buddhist monk who’d lived a life free of drugs, alcohol, and a macrobiotic diet.
He’d offered the blood happily after James had “aided” his monastery in some way.Like this was a cruelty-free cocktail, or something?I thought. It gave me the first grin of the evening.
“To a new life,” Steve said, raising his glass in tribute to a flushing Aura.
Shit, she’s adorable even as a vampire,I thought, hiding my smile behind my glass,and wow, this stuff really is amazing.My gaze moved to James, watching his throat as he swallowed.
“To eternity - or the closest thing to it - spent with the three people I love most,” toasted Aura next, and I almost choked on the exquisite mouthful I’d taken.
Together? She and Steve, of course, but…. I would forever be a satellite to their happiness and James? His voice would continue to fade in my head until he’d done his “duty” as my Sire, feeding me and keeping my ass out of trouble long-distance. And then he’d forget about me. The blood suddenly didn’t seem to taste as good, but I forced it down.
I realized they were all staring at me expectantly. Oh.
“To...“ I struggled for a moment until I looked at Aura. “To family, yearned for but unexpected. To Aura as my sister and-” my hand holding the glass swung nervously in a tribute to Steve and James, “to the two of you, as brothers for centuries before us, and hopefully for many centuries more.”
Everyone looked a little pink in the eye at that, with another glorious sip from the crystal flute.
James was looking down in thought, and when he raised his head, his blue eyes found mine first. “To endless happiness for the three souls who in all this wide world, are the ones who deserve it the most.” The final swallow from my glass took a moment. James had wished it for the three of us, but not himself.
I knew he felt remorse. His apology to me the night before had shocked me but it was part of what Aura called The Tragic Decline of James Barnes, Vampire, Former Asshole, and Humbled Hobo. She’d told me he’d turned over his agency to his VP and left the publishing world. She was at first spitefully pleased, then increasingly aggravated because she hated how the new leadership handled her career, missing his deft touch.
“I don’t know where he went,” she’d confided the day before as I’d gotten her ready for the Turning. “I thought maybe he just holed up in that bigass mansion of his on the Sound, but Steve told me he just dropped out of sight for a long time. We saw him every now and then when he came up to reinforce all the curses he’d put around Volkov’s prison. I swear the first time I didn’t even recognize him because I’d never seen him out of a suit. Steve invited him to stay with us, but he just thanked him and left. He kept up the stray dog act for four or five years before he’d even step foot in the door, and that was after asking me if I was all right with it,” shaking her head. “He was so quiet, all night. Just watched the two of us.”
She’d looked at my reflection in the mirror, hovering behind her as I did her hair. My lips were pressed tightly together, a flat line in my frozen expression. Aura tactfully changed the subject.
When the last drop of the generous monk’s blood was savored, James stepped back from our little circle. “I’ll say goodbye now,” he dipped his head to Aura, “I’ve got to-”
“Oh, no you don’t,” she grabbed him by the arm. “This is the only Turning I get and we’re going to party and you will like it, mister!” I knew Steve was trying to smother a chuckle and there was even a tiny grin lifting the corners of my mouth. “Besides,” Aura continued, clicking a remote, “it’s the full moon tonight and we’re all gonna dance like pagans worshiping the lunar gods!”
I recognized the first notes drifting from the speakers on the deck and groaned. “God, Aura! You’re such a hippie!”
She ignored you, hands raised over her head, eyes closed, and humming happily.
Wash away my troubles
Wash away my pain…
With a roll of my eyes, I joined her, swirling as I enjoyed the flare of the fabric around my ankles. It was surprisingly hot, even for the Oregon summer and I was wearing a green and yellow halter top and swirly skirt that Aura nagged me into borrowing. Since I didn’t know there was a dress code for making a vampire, I’d arrived with a limited wardrobe.
Oh… this was perfect. The feel of the wildflowers and grass tickling my skin, spinning around Aura, the two of us dipping in and out of the orbit of James and Steve like butterflies. Taking her hands, I sang as I nearly took her off her feet in a turn.
