I tore myself away from him.
“You think I would rather bethis?Fuck you James, fuck you! I would rather be dead than this! To be like you? Fuck!” I screamed again, turning away and pulling at my hair. Looking at my reflection, I choked on my sobs. There were pinkish-red rivulets running down my new, perfect skin. My eyes were a gooey-looking crimson.
James’ face appeared behind mine, his normally composed expression was gone, genuine anguish twisting his face. “I had to, I’m sorry. There was no-”
“There is always a choice! You knew I would never want this!Youwanted this, you heartless fuck!” Turning helplessly in a circle, I spotted Aura and Steve, frozen in the doorway. “And you let him do this?” I spat. “Aura, you knew I would never want to be one of these assholes!” She was crying, and it made me feel a tinge of something regret left from the rapidly disappearing part of me characterized as human.
Turning to the men, Aura said, “Let me stay with her. Just go, it’s all right. Just go.”
James could barely speak, it seemed, managing to say, “She needs to feed, she’ll-”
When I started screaming and rocking again, Aura pushed them out the door and shut it, hurrying over to kneel beside me.
“I’m sorry honey,” she was smoothing my matted hair, and it was suddenly the only thing that kept my head from exploding into a million pieces so I clutched at her, too, sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered tearfully. “It’ll be okay, we’ll just sit here and it’ll be okay.”
Chapter 17: Only Human
In which Meghan struggles to find her place in this new world. Most specifically without James.
Steve…
The sun rose and set again, the Oregon sky drifting from azure to indigo to ebony before the bedroom door opened. James and I looked up to see Aura’s stone-faced expression.
“Give me whatever she’s supposed to drink.”
She held up a hand as James started to speak, “Yeah, she’s not going to be drinking straight from the source so just strike that off the list, pal.” The gaze she wore when she turned to me was no more friendly. “Why don’t you have him pack up some extra and stick it in the fridge or whatever. Then he can leave.”
James was gasping, eyes wide as he stepped toward her. “Aura, I can’t. She’s going to need me, I can’t leave-”
“No James,” she hissed, “you’ve done enough, you bastard. You asshole! Just give me her, uh, meal and move on.”
I tried next, “He can’t do that, love. She’ll need her Sire now. The newly turned need care, they need to be taught how to feed and hunt-”
“Well, that’s not happening and she says she’ll leave alone if she has to,” Aura interrupted me harshly. “And you-” she looked at me, and her lip trembled for a minute before her face hardened again. “You and I have a lot to talk about, don’t we,sweetheart?But not right now. Right now, we all take care of her. She deserves- you have a lot to atone for. Both of you. Start with her.” Aura shut the door again before we could speak.
Pacing, I ran my hand over my beard, smoothing it absently as I fought the alien feeling of panic. Even facing James’ psychotic Sire hadn’t made me feel this way. But Aura’s emotions slammed into me, a tsunami of disillusionment, hurt, and fury.
“She knows. Meghan told her.”
“She didn’t know about our arrangement with Aura,” James snapped back, rising to pace in the other direction.
I snarled. “It wasn’t difficult to figure out, James. Just-” I gritted my teeth. I realized I was terrified. I was terrified of Aura’s reaction. The way she looked at me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this way. Had I ever felt this way?
“Just give me the blood. I’ll give it to Aura and we’ll back off for a while. A couple of days won’t hurt. Give them both time.” I watched my oldest friend stumble to a halt, eyes darkening, mouth open in a hiss. “Stop, James! You’re going to huff about how they belong to us, that they’re only human. They’re not food. I love Aura. And I may have just lost her.” My fists clenched as I strode from the house, wanting to flatten every towering pine on the mountain.
Meghan…
“Hey,” Aura tried a weak smile as she carefully held the glass, brimming with a dark red liquid, so dark as to appear black in the lamplit bedroom. “Here’s your…” she hesitated, clearly struggling over what to call it.
“Blood?” I mumbled, “just blood. There’s no sugarcoating it, huh?” Truth be told, I was fucking starving. Hungrier than I’d ever been in my life, there was a cheese grater or something sawing against the walls of my stomach and the pain was sharp, vicious in a way simple hunger had never been.
To my humiliation, my hand shook so hard that I hastily leaned forward, sipping off the top to keep it from spilling, like I would have with an expensive cocktail at a bar and a drunken me refusing to waste a drop. Aura’s hand steadied me at my wrist, holding the glass steady and not even flinching at the loud slurping sound I made. God, the noise even disgusted me, but her expression was nothing but kind.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted after gulping half the glass, drawing back and putting the back of my hand against my mouth. “I’m so sorry. This is disgusting and you’re the last person who should be….”
Pinkish tears flowed from my bloody eyes, dripping down my chin and splashing on the white sheets, making me apologize and cry some more.
