The flowers are as fragrant as they were on Christmas Eve, those unusual roses still blooming with their lush ebony petals. Lucca sits down, pulling me onto his lap. “Talk to me,piccolo bacio.Who made you cry?”
Burying my face in the space between his neck and shoulder, I selfishly breathe in deep, trying to memorize how he smells, the warmth of his skin. “My brother Roman came to see me,” I said with a bitter little chuckle. “For a total of ten minutes.”
“Is everything okay?” he says, so concerned and kind. “Have there been more attacks?”
“He needs allies,” I said, sitting up. “Alek's father Leonid Rostova was there, too. They’ve…” I start sobbing again, to my shame. I have no right to cry in front of him. It’s so selfish. I want to beg him to run away with me. Just disappear. Fuck this world and their arranged marriages. When I look up, I see Lucca’s tanned olive skin is turning pale.
“Why were they here?” he asks hoarsely.
“They…” I’m crying too hard to get the words out.
“Why were they here, Tati? Why were you crying with Aleks?” His voice is rising.
My hands drop limply to my lap. “They’ve arranged a marriage for Aleks and me to cement an alliance between our families. My brother needs this. We’re getting married this summer.”
“What thefuck?”Lucca’s on his feet, looking at me incredulously. “You’re going to tell him no! I’ll- I’ll call Giovanni and request he meet with Roman and make an alliance between our families. We’re the most powerful Mafia in Italy and the US! We’re a much better match! This is-”
“I can’t,” I interrupt him. “You know we can’t. The alliance is made. To go back on an agreement with another Bratva is unforgivable, especially with one of the Moscow Six Families. It could destroy the Aslanov Bratva.”
“I don’t care!” he shouts, “You can’t want this!”
“You know I don’t!” I follow him as he backs away, “Of course I don’t! I love you; I love you so much and this…” I’m sobbing again, my throat too thick to speak.
“Well, then you can’t, Tati! You tell your brother we’re together. Tell him I took your virginity and that I want to marry you!” His eyes are wide and the pain there is unbearable. “I’ll tell him then; I’ll call your brother and-”
“Lucca, stop! You can’t.” I try to take his hand but he grabs me instead, holding me tightly against him.
“You’re not marrying Aleks,” he moans, “you’re not marrying anyone but me.”
It would be so good to just sag into his warmth, his strong arms and just pretend that we could fix this somehow. “If this was your family,” I said, running my hand through his thick hair, “if the Toscanos were in terrible danger and you could do something about it-”
“No! Not if it meant losing you!” Lucca kisses me with the desperation of a dying man, pulling me tighter like he could absorb me into him.
“You would,moya milaya,my sweetheart. This is all I have to give for my family’s safety.” I laugh bitterly.
“It’s what I was made for.”
He abruptly pulls loose from me. “That’s it then? You’re serious.” His features darken, like a cloud over the sun. “You’re giving us up so easily.”
“It’s not easy,” I whispered. “You are everything.”
“Liar.” He walks away, so quickly that he’s out the door before I can call after him, beg him to come back. I stand there among all the beautiful, poisonous flowers and cry like my soul’s been torn from my body.
Chapter Twenty-Five
In which all hope is lost. And toenails.
Blue October - Into the Ocean
Tatiana…
A month later…
The weeks pass in a haze of misery.
Focusing on anything seems impossible. I’ve been surviving on room service to avoid seeing Lucca in the dining hall after he convinced Professor Zimmerman to allow him to transfer out of our combat class. I get it. He doesn’t want to look at me, now that I’m yet another person who has left him. Aleks and I tend to avoid each other, too. It’s painful to be reminded of how much the other person is giving up.
“Tati, have you… it’s next week… are you…Tatiana!”
